Swagger Inn Centenery thread - yes that's right! 100 threads full of bearded leather clad hotties, erotic fiction and laundry. Join us for the celebratory --orgy-- buffet!

[Baddz]

Come one, come all, to the Swagger Inn centenary orgy buffet.
We have balloons, aldi peach bellini and paella nutella on the jukebox.

I am stuck in Risk Assessment hell. Such fun.

So. Much. Paperwork.

I'm going to make coffee and join Badders on the sofa.

Toddlermouse has brought home yet another plague and me and him are both sneezing away.

All the men are trying to show me things. 'Look a pointless thing on the internet' 'mum, look a cup' 'mum do this puzzle' 'look what so and so wrote on Twitter' 'I want a snack' 'I want a drink' 'look minions' 'mum I've hidden all the batteries from the remote' 'what's for lunch?'
I want them all to fuck off and die. Or let me die. In the corner. Quietly

Mouse
Dc are currently watching Lego star wars but ds2 keeps wanting food.
Ffs.
Dh gone thankfuck
I am pre blob and have nopainkillers in the house

comtesse and supportive

Ive thought about this a lot, really. I think your appalled reaction is totally fair enough and Id be exactly the same.

However, for your own sanity, I think you need to assume that the t shirt means "suck my dick", in an "I like wearing t shirts that show how few fucks I give" way. *

But a rahhh, empowered young female, modern feminist version of the phrase.

I need to believe the phrase isnt literal. Cos if teenage girls in the 2010's think its cool to be that crass and idiotic and unenlightened, I think the best hope for the human race is immediate extinction.

*madames golden fashion rule: never wear clothes with phrases written on or you will look like a dick.

Morning. And what a lovely morning. I recommend a visit to the Snug for any wenches wanting a pick-me-up.

for mavis & badders. How's DS1 today badders?

Just wait 'til you have the joys of school discos drink - used to drive me nuts for the same reason.

Looking forward to theatre with anne, courtesy of cinn. I'm sure we'll be focussing on the play cinn - analysing the plot and enjoying the wordplay, not perving over actors. Said no wench ever.

Ds2 went to a child's b day party last year and they played blurred lines
Very odd seeing 4/5 year olds dancing to that
I think I Am a bit old fashioned like that though

Ds seems ok.
He has had some ibuprofen

Well if you are badders you're not the only one. Mind you, I'd be happy if that song was played nowhere at all.

Right, need to get organised & get the DC off my hands, laters

3 loads done/on
One load dried
Weather crap
Not going far today

Ah yes, waiting outside the school disco with Blurred Lines being played and hearing a few of the waiting mums saying "ooo I love this one me" and me muttering FFS and eye rolling so hard I nearly fall over backwards.

Waiting for the wash to finish then I've got to take DS1 shopping. Fun times.

I would like these to be waiting for me on my return please

madame can you make an exception for my Dr who t shirt with 'the impossible girl' on it?

God I hate that song. But I love the feminist parodies it spawned. I'll have a look for some.

I am hating most things today.
Now the dc are watching transformers

m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=tKfwCjgiodg

m.youtube.com/watch?v=s2M6JUFCCSA&itct=CB0QpDAYAiITCMTtl9WGnsYCFYZGGAodBnsAVjIHcmVsYXRlZEjYw4rBo4H807QB

Am still in bed.
Have a good time Anne, Fancy and Cinn.
Loving the fact that Sparks needs one of Comtess's Clit t-shirts for her holiday.

letus and mouse they are forgivable.

I'm in a right weird mood. Pissed off, wobbly, pissed off, sad, pissed off, paranoid, pissed off, bitchy, pissed off want to avoid all humans everywhere evah,Pissed off that I try to please everyone and no one fucking notices/cares, pissed off that I try to please everyone and thT when no one notices-cares that it makes me pissed off.

Jesus Christ, under Mr M's watch TM has raided the fridge and eaten 3/4 of a punnet of grapes. Bought on Thursday. How is he blind to this??

I think one of the prerequisites of being a wench is the ability to eye-roll at will.

I've got myself into one of those "there is so much to do, I can't actually make a start on one thing without worrying about not getting everything else done" type moods. I've got so many tabs open on my computer I can't tell what any of them are anymore.

BTW, how is the non-smoking going Madame? (it's times like these when, although I gave up 12 years ago I could really do with a Marlboro).

Right, back to it.

Blimey - the wenches are having a crap day on the whole.

Parps and cwtchs all round.

I am in the south of London and keeping an eagle eye out for Tom who presumably is in Prague there is a sign that says Tibetan Buddhist Centre - ah the memories.

Let us... just how I feel!!
Mouse....it's amazing isn't it?
They are justoblivious

badders he's not normally this clueless. He's easily distracted but this is ridiculous. He's found gameranx and outside xbox videos on YouTube and its taking up the space in his brain needed for remembering meals, household tasks and child supervision.

TM needs eaglevision™ on him at all times or he will raid the fridge, construct towers to reach things put out of his reach or try and post himself out of the windows like a giant cat flap. Or put the kitchen appliances on. All in complete, mute silence. And it looks like BM is following in his footsteps.

Also at T-shirt, and at the inapproriate music played at parties/dancing classes.

It was lovely and sunny here, but looks like it's going to rain. I'm supposed to be gardening/tidying spare room which DH and DS are at SaturdayMorningSportingActivity

DS had full on meltdown in Tescos yesterday evening - sitting on floor crying and refusing to go anywhere so I walked off to the end of the aisle and let him get on with it (much to the amusement of security guards ("Yeah, I do to ours when they do that") and concern of passing shoppers) He came to find me when I moved round the corner and caried on sobbing disconsolately and kicking my bag, then walked back to the car wailing that I was the worst Mummy ever and that he was never going to get me anything for mothers day or my birthday ever again, and I was a horrible person, and I never get him anything, or do anything for him. etc etc. This carried on all the way home in the car, with things being chucked from the back seat to the front passenger seat and "You promised you'd buy me something... you broke a promiiiiiseeee " and general traumatised stroppiness. This was all because Tesco were out of stock of minifigures and I said the magazine he wanted was too expensive. And then of course I couldn't buy him the magazine as a consolation because he had a meltdown about it all.

Of course. Two hours later he was snuggled up in bed telling me that he loved me and giving me kisses etc.

So DS will probably getting a minifigure or the magazine on their way home and he gets to be the 'good cop' again. FML, I know it's not true but it feels like he gets to do all the fun stuff, and I'm the one who makes sure homework gets done and gets him to bed on time and and and... not ture of course.

I read some research once that said that for every negative comment, you need about seven positive ones to outweigh it, psychologically speaking.

Maybe I should take up alcohol I'm told it helps sometimes. If I applied myself I'm sure I'd get to like it eventually.

Here endeth the self-pitying gloom-post

Sorry but

I know what you mean helen.
I had to have words with dh a.few.weeks ago when I walked upstAirs.to hear him say to ds2
"If you don't behave I'm.going to go and get mummy!"