A community for parents...or is it?

[mumof2andlovingit]

as a new member, I was under the impression that this is a website community "by Parents, for Parents." I have been participating in a thread that is very heated and discovered that there are non parents commenting on here. Do you all think this is ok? It seems quite bizarre to me that someone is trolling through the site that isn't a parent. What would their motives be? I don't go onto sites for singles and comment. Although I have been single before so feel I could offer something if I wanted. But someone on this site, commenting about parenting things - and they aren't a parent themselves?? I am just curious about PARENTS opinions here. Please let me (and others) know what your opinion is on this matter. I am happy to listen and maybe there is a point I haven't thought of...thank you!

Cross-posted with you, mumof2 - sorry!

Lol really, I do think you are suited better to other sites. There's a lovely one about Pies and Larger, or netmums, they'll soon sort you out. There are lots of men on this site and they post on lots of different threads, including, shock horror, breastfeeding threads.

Your OP was incredibly rude, you cannot expect us to be super polite back.

And this is a public forum so lots of different types of people will read different threads. I read some that aren't directly relevant and have been educated on many subjects as a result. If it bothers you that someone will read something that isn't relevant to them, perhaps you might want to join a more exclusive group.

And having re-read your OP, the questioning of people's "motives" is downright nasty.

Oh, and if you mean "trawling" through the site, I suggest you say so."Trolling" is a completely different word.

I apologise if I offended anyone - was not my intention! Again, please think about your words and how they make people feel.

Yes, please, please, please do. Have a look at your OP and think for a moment how it could make one of our members with fertility issues feel, perhaps?

I am a mumsnetter. I am a PARENT. And I say, if you're old enough to have children, you're old enough tonotice that we have sections for people trying to conceive.

I will do some of that...when I am done wiping away the tears from all the attacks on my opinion. Could be worse. I mean, imagine how you'd feel if you were ttc, your late period had just come, and you'd clicked on this thread, eh?

What's wrong with a man posting on or reading a bf thread?

Maybe he was bf, or his sister does and found it tough, or he is a midwife or HV, or just wants to offer support to new mums.

I'm glad a couple of others picked up on the motive comment, I thought I was over thinking that one.
A couple of tips for you OP:
name change and have a good read around the topics before posting again. Get the feel of the place first, especially AIBU!
There are some very nice people in here, some are men, some are single, some have no children. This is a good thing. We all have friends and family at different stages of life, why should an Internet forum be different?
Don't throw a strop when you get your arse kicked on a thread - it makes you look silly.
And the most important one of all....
NEVER google anything you're told to and never be the first one to click on a link. You cannot unsee certain things.

Has anyone considered that the OP's reference to 'trolling' was actually an error and that the word 'trawling' was what was meant...?

I have no interest in making homemade ketchup, but if it popped up in active convos, I would click on it to read the inevitable bunfight about competitive healthy eating

Equally the birthday party example. Why is a parent of a 2 week old more qualified to give an opinion than an auntie of a bunch of pre teens? Or anyone with a creative brain cell or two.

The requirement of being a parent to have a valid opinion is arbitrary at best.

Mumof2 I do find it highly ironic that you should be asking people to think how their posts make people feel given the wording if your OP.

As dru says above you cannot expect people to respond politely to rude comments. That's not what happens in RL.

I do actually think that most posters have been fairly reasoned in their responses actually - having everyone in the thread disagree with you is not the same as being flamed.

If this thread made you cry, I would respectfully suggest that MN might not be the place for you.

Hakluyt has considered that possibility, Burning. Very generous of her to do so, too!

ive been on MN for a few years now and wasnt a parent, I love this community because its diverse and you can guarantee if you post a question someone with experience/knowledge/a qualification in the subject will come along and give you advice.

Ive seen people offer support and practical help to other members, stay up all night virtual hand holding because a loved one is ill or missing and personally been given a huge amount of support when I had a miscarriage and then ttc again.

People dont need to be parents to give advice OP even on parenting matters they just need to have an opinion and if you dont agree then just ignore it.

Now technically I wont be a parent till March when pfb is due so do I have to leave and come back or am I allowed to stay if I promise to only post on non parenting topics?

Burning it did cross my mind but subsequent posts by the OP seemed to confirm that she meant 'trolling'.

Even if she did mean 'trawling' it's still pretty rude.

mumof2 maybe re-read this thread when you're feeling less sensitive?
I think you'll find that in fact you've received some very kind and thoughtful responses. And not a great deal of unwarranted 'rudeness', TBH.

Donna

Donna
I'm really sorry to hear your news and I hope things move forward for you and send you every positive vibe I can.
Please know also that you are absolutely welcome on MN -well, you are in my books anyway!
Also, please know - I'm sure you do know - that 'opinions' like those of the OP really aren't the norm on MN, also that on the few occasions that they are expressed, it tends to be from posters who don't really know the site.

donna - I apologised. I didn't realise I had said something so offensive.

I was asking for opinions. I admitted from the start that there might be something I haven't though of. I am happy that you have been able to find support and I think your examples are great of how you used the site. I was just under a different impression based on the name of this site. Mumsnet.

Please all stop knocking me down. I apoligised!! I never meant to offend, upset, annoy, irritate, etc others. I was curious.

please move on already! FYA - I was simply making a point when I said something about tears...I wasn't actually crying.

I think that the person feeling inwelcome here is the OP, Donna.
My children havethe most fabulous, childless aunt and they also have an uncle who took a different path. Both of them are blessings in my children's lives, and have been able to give them a completely different and useful perspective in some very important areas of their lives.
I'm sorry that you may never get what you want, but it isn't the measure of a human being and those with a micron of intelligence would see that.

Donna . I am so very, very sorry xx. You are in my thoughts and as you say 'unlikely' and not impossible, I'll keep my fingers firmly crossed that you do get pregnant and hold your baby xx

Oh and Donna. Opinions of people like the OP are ignorant and not at all reflective of MN. Pay no heed xxx

I suggest name changing. Reading some threads and using your noodle a bit. Then repost on a seperate topic.

I had kids at 34. Are you seriously suggesting I should never of had an opinion on children or anything connected to children or parenting prior to that point? Despite being part of families, gone through education, worked, travelled and experienced life?

That's lunacy.