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A community for parents...or is it?

204 replies

mumof2andlovingit · 18/12/2014 09:20

as a new member, I was under the impression that this is a website community "by Parents, for Parents." I have been participating in a thread that is very heated and discovered that there are non parents commenting on here. Do you all think this is ok? It seems quite bizarre to me that someone is trolling through the site that isn't a parent. What would their motives be? I don't go onto sites for singles and comment. Although I have been single before so feel I could offer something if I wanted. But someone on this site, commenting about parenting things - and they aren't a parent themselves?? I am just curious about PARENTS opinions here. Please let me (and others) know what your opinion is on this matter. I am happy to listen and maybe there is a point I haven't thought of...thank you!

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 18/12/2014 14:40

I think the poster on here who has 7 children will be wrestling that crown off you MrsDVSmile

Where in the pecking order would step parents come?

MNHQ really need to get on the case here, how very dare they allow opinions on anything from people who don't have children, surely only a parent knows how to fix a leaky tap or cook a meal for a vegetarian.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2014 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotallySociallyInept · 18/12/2014 15:05

Totally off subject, but I've been wondering a while. Where has ZingOfSeven gone?
Not seen her around lately. Hope she comes back. I liked her posts

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2014 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 18/12/2014 15:18

Fab idea Mrs DV !

mumof2 just read your comments (well the ones that weren't deleted anyway) on the Israel thread - you have a real issue with people without children, don't you? Yet again you query our motives for daring to hang out on a website full of intelligent, erudite people.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/12/2014 15:19

Surely the audit will be unnecessary, MrsDeVere? You will be acknowledged as The Best, and I will be Second Best, of course. Xmas Grin

DonnaLymansSockPuppet · 18/12/2014 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2014 15:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2014 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmas2014SantaB3185 · 18/12/2014 15:34

Actually a genuine apology with no 'woe is me' wails would be very much appreciated.

Can I have a Brownie leader star?

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 18/12/2014 15:37

MrsDeVere you are an awesome queen of MN and ill vote for you if you want to be PM Grin

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2014 15:42

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DustInTheWind · 18/12/2014 15:56

Now just you stop that right now!
It took me years to get DS out of his Aspie glitterati phase at Christmas and to develop an understanding of shiny and twinkly in moderation. Not everywhere he could manage to reach and dangle tinsel and whatnot.
Christmas and sunglasses indoors are an unusual choice.
Do those of us who have children with additional needs get more stars, or fewer cos we are doing the parenting thing wrong or summat?

DustInTheWind · 18/12/2014 15:58

'I've derailed.
Sorry.'

Some threads benefit from a good shove.

XmasEveDallas · 18/12/2014 16:01

Can I have a super star for putting up with the highly irritating child that came home from school with mine today? She's only been here 15 minute but I'm already on my last nerve - and she's not going home till 5.

Donna, my best friend is 'childless not by choice'. She is the FAVOURITE Aunty to her younger sisters kids, they beg to see her. She is lovely to my DD and is my 'go to' emergency person that DD chose herself - even above our family. Childless doesn't mean no children ever. Thanks

Esmum07 · 18/12/2014 16:06

OP the word you were looking for was trawling, not trolling.

I do understand where you're coming from as it can sometimes be odd that someone has taken time to search out a post about parenting issues when they aren't parents now or yet. BUT, I have just one child. Does that mean I can't have something to say on the subject of siblings? Because I have two of those and many,many stories of issues around siblings and what my parents found useful in dealing with those!

Or can't I comment on teenagers because my DS is only seven? Because I have neices and nephews ranjng from fourteen to twenty eight so have seen my sisters and SILs deal with teenager years (and been at the 'grunt' end of a conversation with an uncommunicative teen neice or nephew many many times!). Perhaps my family's or my own way of dealing with those things may be the one post that actually helps someone.

I haven't read the particular breastfeeding post you mentioned where a single man joined the conversation so I can't comment specifically but he may have a friend or sister who has had problems or who has given him a valid opinion though their thoughts on the subject.

You're right, the site is called Mumsnet. But you, yourself, use the word parents...Maybe Mumsnet should be renamed Mums, Dads, Aunties, Uncles, Grannies, Grandads etc Net. I would say 99% of the people in the world are related to a child in some way and, for that reason, their views are valid in my opinion. Just because they aren't a parent doesn't make their view worthless or sinister. I couldn't BF my son, but I still have an opinion on the right of a woman to BF when and where she wants to because I can out myself in her shoes and I have friends who have BF. I feel my opinion on the subject is just as worthwhile and important as a mum who is or has BF.

As for your point about not going into a singles site to offer an opinion even though you have, obviously, been single in the past...I would, if I stumbled on the site and someone was going through a problem I had encountered in my single years. Why not? We had our son through IVF. I used to regularly revisit the site that supported me when we were going through what can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions and would regularly post to offer help, support and encouragement. I don't see the problem to be honest.

QueenTilly · 18/12/2014 16:12

People always used to tell me I'd change my mind when I had children and I haven't. I think this indicates that I'm either extraordinarily wise and so knew how to parent without having children, or extraordinarily blockheaded and I don't learn.

Either way, I think this entitles me to a special type of star. I think an indigo star would probably be the most appropriate.

Gimme?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/12/2014 16:14

Dust - would a stealth star or two be helpful?

DustInTheWind · 18/12/2014 16:19

A stealth hipflask would be good.
I am a short mummy.
DS is a tall Aspie who finds it amusing to put chains of tinsel way up high where I can't reach.
DD thought it funny to throw handfuls of glitter and stars into the many cobwebs that festoon certain areas of our home and call it decorating.
Being the parent of adult children should come with a free hip flask of vodka attached.
There are even mixers that have edible glitter in them.

Honeydragon · 18/12/2014 16:26

Having small humans fall out of you does not make you an expert on child care.

Support is a wonderful thing, and it's freely given in this community. It's not nice to sneer at the source of it. Sad

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 18/12/2014 16:28

Dust Don't let them find out about those glitter tablets that make your poo go all sparkly! Xmas Grin

Honeydragon · 18/12/2014 16:28

And so as not to be sexist, putting extremities in other big humans to make small humans fall out of them at a later date does not make you an expert on child care either.

Honeydragon · 18/12/2014 16:29
YvesJutteau · 18/12/2014 16:31

"I am sorry if I offended anyone" isn't a decent apology. You know perfectly well that you hurt several posters (such as Donna).

Instead you've reasserted that you have a right to your opinion (the opinion that non-parents, including plenty of long-term, well-respected, extremely helpful posters, don't belong here and that you aren't interested in their thoughts even on subjects that don't relate to parenting). You haven't suggested that you've changed that opinion. You've just said that you're sorry "if you offended anyone" so it's not your fault if anyone's still upset.

When I teach my children (yes, I'm a PARENT, in capital letters if necessary) to say that they are sorry, "I'm sorry [but it wasn't really my fault because of all these mitigating factors]" doesn't count.

A GOOD apology goes something like
I’m sorry for [specific thing]...
It was wrong because...
In the future, I will [what positive thing you will do]...
Will you forgive me?

DustInTheWind · 18/12/2014 16:31

'Dust Don't let them find out about those glitter tablets that make your poo go all sparkly! '

I didn't know that, and now I'm trying to forget you ever mentioned it!