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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

We have been let down by the justice system. [**Edited by MNHQ, thread may be triggering**]

470 replies

OpiesOldLady · 22/10/2014 20:41

I need to get this out. Some of you will recognise the details, I posted previously under a different name, but tbh I'm sick of hiding now, and being ashamed.

My son was raped and sexually abused by my step son. He also abused my daughter. He was found guilty of two counts of rape and four counts of sexual abuse. We were led to believe that the judge would send him to crown court for sentencing and a custodial sentence would be imposed.

Today he was give a two year rehabilitation order and has been placed on the sex offenders register for five years. He has basically gotten away with a slap on the wrists.

I feel so incredibly let down. My babies had to give evidence against him, he put them through that... and yet he gets to go home tonight, free.

He will get counselling and all manner of professional help, whilst I am having to fight tooth and nail to access some proper support for my children. They are on a waiting list for intensive therapy, but that could take months. In the meantime, I have to watch as my son fades away before my eyes, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And this is justice?

I want to appeal his sentence as I think it's far too lenient, but I don't know if i'll be allowed to, I'm waiting to hear back from the Attourney Generals office.

I am swinging between being so furious, devastated and wanting to kill him with my bare hands. How could he do this and just get away with it?

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 22/10/2014 23:32

Oh Opie I can feel your utter despair and frustration, and Jesus Christ, in with you on both.

Your lovely kids WILL get through this, they have you and your been brilliant, and still are being, although I don't know how.

Also sending you love and strength, I'm so so sorry, it's a fucking travesty :(

QuintessentiallyGhoulish · 22/10/2014 23:41

So sorry to hear this. I remember your earlier threads.

There is a charity called Off The Record. www.offtherecord-banes.co.uk/ They offer counselling for youngsters.

Can you see if there is one near you?

MAKINGPLANSWITHNIGEL · 23/10/2014 00:03

This is so distressing

Justice has long left this country.

littleducks · 23/10/2014 00:06

I remember the previous thread.

Hang on in there. It sounds bitterly unfair to be struggling so much to get support when something so awful has happened.

I have no idea about appealing the sentence. And no suggestions of anything to help.

But i just wanted to post to say that I agree. It doesn't sound right or fair and the fact that youare having to fight for support is horrendous.

SaggyAndLucy · 23/10/2014 02:20

Opies I don't have any good advice on this one. I just wanted to send you a hug and best wishes and a hand to hold, I'm sure I've offered one before. It's an awful awful thing you've all been through, and I cant begin to imagine how a mother feels about something like this. But you have come so far and been through so much. keep strong and keep fighting. xx

OpiesOldLady · 23/10/2014 07:06

Thank you all for your support. To finally be able to talk about it has done me good. I don't have much support IRL, a good group of friends know, but they are busy with their own lives and I don't want to burden them with my problems.

I'm meeting with my solicitors later today and I have lots of questions I want answers to.

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 23/10/2014 09:33

Sweetie, they won't feel it's a burden, I promise. And if they do, they aren't worth the title of friend in the first place. I get the sense that you've been keeping a very tight rein on things and of course I completely understand that, but maybe now is the time to open up? You need to heal too - and as it's so hard accessing counselling and support for the DCs, I guess you've not been getting any help for yourself. Talk to us, and please talk to your friends. x

OpiesOldLady · 23/10/2014 14:32

I cannot get a restraining order out against him. Apparently he has to 'do' something first.

So he's raped my son twice, abused him and my daughter, gets to walk free, and he has to do something else to them before we can have an order that says he can't come near us?

I give the fuck up. Feeling very let down by it all now. I can't even tell DS that he isn't allowed to come near us anymore.

But we've been advised to move house because he knows where we live. FFS.

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Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 14:45

who told you that Opie? what would he have to do to get a restraining order???!!!

Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 14:46

m.wikihow.com/Get-a-Restraining-Order

OpiesOldLady · 23/10/2014 14:46

My solicitor. If he attempts to come near us, then we can ring the police and one will be issued, but until then - and it will happen sooner or later - we have to just wait.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 14:49

www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/restraining_orders/#a03

sorry this is better info

Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 14:51

it says you can apply for one post conviction if you think your child is still at risk

stupidlittlegirl · 23/10/2014 14:53

Opies. I remember you. I am so terribly sorry you have been and continue to be so badly failed. your poor dcs. Thank god they have a mother like you x

Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 14:53

i think your solicitor is wrong....normally you would have to prove someone meant to harm you or abuse you..post conviction is surely different??

PacificDogwood · 23/10/2014 15:21

Oh, Opie, adding insult to injury - you must be so angry and frustrated.

No legal advice from me, but I would agree in the interest of your children who need their mother do try and access some support/counselling for yourself - you deserve it, it is not a 'selfish' act to look after yourself but one of sensible MH house keeping.

Thanks
OpiesOldLady · 23/10/2014 20:31

Having read that link fred, I think the judge has to give the restraining order out as part of the sentence, but I might have got that bit wrong. I'll contact them again tomorrow. I'm also going to contact the CPS and see what they have to say.

I had a good chat with DS tonight about possibly contacting ChildLine, when he feels like he wants to talk, and if he doesn't want to talk to me.
He thinks it's a good idea, and so do I.

As for help for me, well... my doctor referred me for a counselling assessment, and when I went the fella handed me several leaflets and told me to ring them to arrange something. But to be honest, I just don't have the time atm. I'm now a single parent of four children, two of which have suspected ADHD. Finding any 'me' time, well.. it's not easy.

Writing this down though is really helping, I find.

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Allice · 23/10/2014 20:41

I'm so sorry that you're all going through this. The sentence is laughable. There was something on Facebook earlier about

Allice · 23/10/2014 20:46

Sorry, iPad playing up.
There was something on Facebook today from Essex police about a couple who got done for fraud and they were sentenced to 8 and a half years.

I'm not saying that they don't deserve it, I'm sure they do but their crime doesn't come close to what happened to your children.

I used to really believe in the British justice system, I'm so sorry you've been let down so badly.

IamtheWalkingDead · 23/10/2014 20:52

Opies, Zombie remembers your very first thread about this and many of your subseqent ones. She sends you love and strength. xx

NormHonal · 23/10/2014 20:55

OP, I remember your previous threads and have often wondered what happened next.

I am so desperately sorry to hear the latest update. x

Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 21:02

i know its small comfort but your children are lucky to have you as a mother. im sure it will help your son to know he has your tireless support

OpiesOldLady · 23/10/2014 21:31

No, they aren't lucky. They deserve so much better. It's my fault that this happened. I should never have brought him into our home. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for doing this to my children.

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 23/10/2014 21:53

Oh honey don't blame yourself, you could never have known what could have happened. None of us can see the future. Hugs to you.

Dropdeadfred2 · 23/10/2014 22:01

im sorry Opie...i didnt mean to distress you. you were not responsible for what happened!!

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