Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

1014 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 20:40

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 14/09/2006 18:53

I have a friend who, when she was at boarding school at the age of thirteen, was held down and stripped almost naked, assaulted, groped and jeered at, by a group of boys in the same year. She never reported this and if she had, nothing would have come of it. It wasn't that unusual, tbh. She's in her late twenties now, a competent professional woman with children of her own, and I still don't think she has got over that experience totally.

WelshBoris · 14/09/2006 18:56

Me - never

I want to bring my DD up to know that she can tell me ANYTHING, that secrets are not good and like a few other posters said that affection shouldnt be associated with treats eg hugs=sweets

Hope I do the right thing by her, cant even imagine what the women on this thread went through

jollymum · 14/09/2006 18:59

Got most of the way through and thought, "There for the grace of God.."
Was a fairly naieve 12/13/14 yr old and went out with cousin who attracted men like flies. We used to go to the Zoo and chat up guys! Best clothes etc but I'm talking about anyone. She smoked, I didn't but she always seemed to have two guys in tow and I got the older/uglier one. Cannot believe I did this, probably lost in my memories but this brought it all back. Went off with one of the zoo guys and ended up in some cave somewhere, jackals/hyenas? and let him kiss me etc....tried to feel me up but I had no boobs whatsoever and can just remember him shoving my hands down his trousers. Really fought back, got called a pricktease and thrown out. No cousin anywhere and had to phone my dad. She was blackmailing me (very strict parents!) and was going to lie about me. Broke down in the car and turned out my mum and dad were a bit suspicious of her anyway and told me not to lie for her. I can't believe I was so stupid. I can remember my first Bf dumping me for not touching him and telling me I was frigid. I tried to tell my mum why we'd broken up, I was about 13 and she couldn't understand. He was a nice boy from church and I had obviously upset him.
I was asaulted by my contact lens practioner too...14 and geeky with horrid glasses. He sent my mum and dad out of the room and did a questionnaire about being on the pill, boyfriends etc. I sort of felt uneasy and hated every time we went. I had to try lenses in (fairly arcaic in those days!) and he kept sliding his hand up my skirt and kissing me, telling me the lenses would stop hurting and how beautiful my eyes wereFound out years later he'd been struck off for the same thing. My DD is beautiful and only 11 but when she wears her short skirts and long stripey socks, she looks "sexy" and it scares me. How can I keep her safe? I was such a flirt and was lucky not to have been raped.My heart goes out to all those who have suffered in any way and it is not your fault. You do not have the penis, they do and it is their fault.

NappiesGalore · 14/09/2006 19:03

babybuttercup and notanotter - it does get easier, i promise. wish i copuld write more now, but need to put kids to bed.
quickly say i felt that way b4 and now not. and i am extremely happy to share experiences if it helps anyone.

btw - i really am happy now. thought i never would be, but i truly am, so its def possible, ok?

Greensleeves · 14/09/2006 19:04

jollymum, your post has made me feel quite tearful. It rings so true.

noonar · 14/09/2006 19:14

yes, unreported- so called 'family friend'.i was about 8 or 9.

noonar · 14/09/2006 19:17

and 2 of my brothers, too.

babybuttercup · 14/09/2006 19:29

NappiesGalore - thankyou i really hope that one day i can wake up and be truly happy. I am a bubbly, confident 21 year old on the outside but inside im a different person My friend who knows little bits of what happened really has been a rock to me and has helped me so much, im so fortunate to be able to talk to her if i need to as i cant imagine the pain and hurt it would cause to my family if they knew.
Last year when i had to be taken to hospital they referred me to a councellor, i had no intention in speaking to her as i didnt want to talk to anyone, but i went. She asked me why i had tryed to "kill myself" and when i said that i wasnt happy and was depressed, her answer was "what worries have you got at 20 years old - your too young". At which point i got up and walked out. I cant believe that people that do reach out for help are confronted by people so narrow minded

NotAnOtter · 14/09/2006 19:32

i have cried out for help over the years but only on the inside and am now on a list to get it..... my hv who i bemoaned so much has come good for me and i am eternally greatful.
i cannot believe this rage will ever go away. its such a lonely turmoil

Overrun · 14/09/2006 19:37

Just seen this, it has happened to me as well. One relationship during my twenties where looking back I was really being forced into sex on a regular basis, it was an abusive relationship in a lot of ways and I eventually managed to get myself out of it. Didn't report him.
The worst time, was when I stayed at a male friends house to look after him because he had just found out that his Father had died. We had all been drinking heavily prior to hearing the news.
He sexually assaulted me, and I didn't report it. I fell down some stone steps and buggered my ankle up in the course of trying to run away> I was on crutches and painkillers for weeks.
Did think about reporting it, but a combination of factors stopped me. I didn't think I would be very credible because I had been extremely drunk, he had been a really good friend, so felt bad for him about his Dad, and also confused by his behaviour. Also had sort of fancied him for years but we had always been friends nothing else. I had a boyfried at the time, who was very sympathetic but we did split up eventually and sometime wonder if the assault played a part.
He told every one that I had wanted to have sex with him and had made up assault to cover my tracks. Quite a lot of people believed him, felt sorry for him cos of his Dad, and I lost a lot of friends, which made it all more painfull

liath · 14/09/2006 19:41

Me - never (possibly because I started going out with DH very young so was less likely to be in a risky situation?) and I am speechless that I am in a tiny minority here - this is so disturbing.

babybuttercup · 14/09/2006 19:46

NotAnOtter you are so right it is a lonely turmoil, i feel that like you maybe i had been crying out for help for a long time but i dont know if i truly ever wanted it or not. Last year when i spoke to my friend for the fist time, who was infact my manager to begin with, i felt that just telling her i was so sad, lonely, scared of life - helped me so much because i didnt feel alone anymore. I am here if you ever want to talkn - i dont want you to feel that you are alone anymore xx

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 19:47

bbc, noa - if you want to talk - please cat me.

OP posts:
NotAnOtter · 14/09/2006 19:48
Sad
Crystaltips · 14/09/2006 19:59

It's taken me an hour and a bit to read this thread and when I came to post 15 new messages had been posted.

So horrid

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 20:03

I meant to say "please feel free to cat me if you want to talk"

I knew what I meant, anyway.

OP posts:
NeverSayNever · 14/09/2006 20:32

Yes- unreported I was 15 been to a party my b/f's older brother offered to walk me home as b/f wasn't there and wanted to make sure I was safe-been drinking - he raped me. I couldn't tell anyone our mums were friends. This is the first time I have said the words I was raped, I have never told anyone not ExH or my DH I'm 46 now so have been carrying this for the last 31 years and its only now, reading this and knowing that others have been through the same thing, that I can say the words. I am not a victim I am a strong woman who can cope with what life throws at me so why am I sitting here crying, should I post under my Mn name, YES I did nothing wrong.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 20:35

That must have been so hard to type NSN.....

You are right, you did nothing wrong.

Why is rape deemed such a dirty word?

OP posts:
NotAnOtter · 14/09/2006 20:35

oh ffs neversaynever...

NotAnOtter · 14/09/2006 20:36

YOu should feel so proud of yourself!!!!xxxxxxxx

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 20:36

Sorry - that was a rhetorical question...not aimed at anyone in particular...

OP posts:
brokendoll · 14/09/2006 20:38

i can't belive that this thread is still going

Found it really hard to get through today after posting what i did, have showered and thrown up goodness only knows how many times.

My heart goes out to everyone who has posted but i need to get away from this thread and MN for a little while now. Too raw.

Thomcat · 14/09/2006 20:38

Jesus. What a massive eye opener this has been for me.
I too am so, so sorry that any of you had to go through the stuff you were put htrouhg
Neversaynever, I'm so, so pleased that after 31 years you have finally talked about it. big, big hugs to you, and to all the other strong ladies on this thread.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 20:42

Im so so sorry BD....I think you were really brave posting what you did.

Im sorry if this has all hurt you

Really wasnt my intention to tear peoples wounds open with this. I hope you find some peace with it soon.

xxx

OP posts:
muffinlady · 14/09/2006 20:44

yes, unreported. By my bf at the time who was also the father of my children. Happened twice but thought no one would believe me so done nothing.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.