expat - the second bloke who did it to me diod that too; called me about a week later to ask me out!?
hthe 'incident' BTW involved him (a drug dealer i had never met) meeting my friend and i in a club. we were 16, he was 20odd. we thought we were sooo sophisticated. he offered us ecstacy, our first, and we took it. he gave half as much to my friend as he gave to me. for the next few hours we all sat in one spot in that club while he kept feeding us drugs. never having taken anything but spliff before, i had; 2 ekkys, lsd, a couple of grams of speed, dropped constantly into my tea, poppers, and god knows what else. by the time the club was closing i didnt even know i existed, let alone was able to make any decisions. i could barely walk or see. he took us home in a cab, dropped off my friend on the way and then kept me in his hostel room for 2 or 3 days, constantly topping up my drug addled brain and screwing me in a most uncomfortable fashion. he didnt let me leave the room more than once. eventually my dad tracked me down (hurrah!! my pal had clocked the phone number of a mate of his while we were at the club and he found me that way) and came and got me.
i felt like a thoroughly dirty little slag, and tested for std's and hiv, expecting to be positive (he was bloody gross man) but was ok.
i didnt have the confidence to even try to stop a thing like that happening anyway... after the first rape not long before (which i buried and wasnt even aware of at that stage!) i had no self esteem and i 'knew' that men who wanted it would take it anyway, so it was easier to just give it up. there were a lot of other 'partners' like that; ones i 'consented' to because i wanted to be liked or didnt feel i had the right to say no to, or just assumed theyd do it anyway so just let it happen.
none of this is unique. its the experience of a lot of us.
my mother is a vociferous feminist. she brought me up to believe i was equal and able to do whatever i wanted and be whoever i wanted... somehow that message never really got across obv because i treated myself like dirt and allowed many others to as well. we need to talk to our daughters, specifically not vaguely. i know you dont want to scare them or upset them, but please arm them against these predators. i never told my mum, not till after the street attack, when i finally told her about the others. i thought it would hurt her too much, so instead i 'prtected' her by keeping quiet.
we cant do that any more. it only gives them power they dont deserve. i think a lot of them dont even have any idea how much they hurt us.