Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

1014 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 20:40

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

OP posts:
loopylou0612 · 14/09/2006 02:55

I was raped at 16 by a stranger. I was out with some friends, managed to get into a nightclub. This bloke was chatting me up and I was very drunk. I couldn't see my friends, so he said he had seen them go outside looking for me and that he would help me find them. Dragged me outside and down an alley, did the business, then left me half dead, for my friends to find me. My ex bf was one of the friends to find me and when I asked him to stay with me that night, he refused, looked at me like I was a bit of shit. I will never forget the look in his eyes when I asked him.

Attempted to keep it quiet, but my ex told my parents who were obviously devestated. Didn't want to report it, but my mum did. The most horrible part of it all was the interviews and examinations by the police. Partly because I was 5 times over the drink drive limit at the time and couldn't really remember the finer details of it. Just remember the colour of his hair, the shirt he was wearing and the cigarette tin he carried with him.

The nightclub were asked for CCTV but the cameras weren't recording that night. They were shut down soon after.

He was never caught and the case was dropped.

MaryBS · 14/09/2006 04:50

I was sexually assaulted - didn't report it. He was a friend of my fiance, and it was a week before the wedding. I had known him for a couple of years and had never had cause for concern. He was drunk and I just thank God that there were people around and he never raped me. I haven't been able to read all this thread...
I didn't report it because I had jokingly been flirting with him, and I was innocent and thought maybe I'd led him on. I'd had very little experience with men.

FF - i'm with everyone on this - HE put himself there YOU didn't!

ggglimpopo · 14/09/2006 06:27

Message withdrawn

ggglimpopo · 14/09/2006 06:36

Message withdrawn

loopylou0612 · 14/09/2006 06:57

Good for you GG!! I too would probably feel the same as you. I'm all for that do the crime, do the time thing! Well done on seeing it all through!

pooka · 14/09/2006 07:06

Have been reading this with complete shock and despair. So so didn't realise how many people were effected by this.
Me - never.
I am scared for my dd. But also, scared for my baby ds. How does it happen that someone's son can do this? And what can I do to make sure that my ds never hurts a woman in this way?

Earlybird · 14/09/2006 07:08

This makes for chilling reading, and I am so sorry for all of you who have been through this.

Luckily, I have never experienced anything sinister. When I was younger, I definitely got into some ill judged situations, but thankfully my naivete never had dreadful consequences.

I pray that dd never has anything happen to her, especially as it appears so commonplace.

Hugs and prayers for all of you.

drpepper · 14/09/2006 07:26

raped, aged 9, unreported

FoghornLeghorn · 14/09/2006 07:52

I have just sat and read every single post on this thread . I have never ever been in a suitation like this and now realise how unbelievably lucky i am.

I am utterly shocked at the number of people on here who have been assaulted. You are all so brave, whether reported or not, you really are so brave to even talk about it.

FF, Sorry to ask but was this just a few years ago ? I remember following lots of your threads a few years back but alot of things couldn't be mentioned because of the court case. I am glad he ended up behind bars, you did fantastically well

hovely · 14/09/2006 08:07

i think what pooka has said is really important.
All of these men were little boys at some time.
When and how did they get the idea they could do this?

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 14/09/2006 08:17

FairyFly - My situation was similar to yours. A male work friend who gave me a lift home, I invited him in, he tried it on, I made him leave, heard the frount door etc - only he hadnt gone and...etc etc

It took me a long time to realise that just because I let him into my house and was friendly didnt mean it was my fault.

I felt incrediably guilty at this 'poor' man and his family had to go through the coutr case (How crazy is that - hes the rapist and I felt guilty about him going to court!!) I was almost relieved when he was found Not Guilty - Hated the thought of someone being in prison because of me.

I still feel really bad about it, and sometimes even think I should apoligise to him. Its mad cause deep down I know that ive done nothing wrong but sometimes you just cant help the way you feel, but ive learnt to understand why I feel that way which has helped loads.

Amanda1 · 14/09/2006 08:33

Message withdrawn

sleepycat · 14/09/2006 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jazzi · 14/09/2006 08:48

The man that abused me and my brother me 9, brother 5 was not put away. He abused us for 2 years, neither of us knowing the other was being abused. He was caught by my dad one morning with me, my dad did nothing but asked him to leave and never come back. Social Services became involved and I was sent to the police and the Doctors. The doc discovered I had an STD caught obviously from him, but the police still decided not to prosecute because of my family and the mud-slinging that woould ensue. It is probably best to point out that the man that did this was my dads son from his first marriage who came to live with us. My dad I think was still in contact with his first wife and wanted to appease her hence he did nothing!! I only found out about my brother recently. I would like to reopen the enquiry and bring a prosecution, the Doc told me when I was 11 that I could have got the STD from a toilet seat ffs!! But I am unsure how to approach my brother. I am over it all, but the abuse has really affected my brother, and I don't know whether bringing it all up would help him!

hunkermunker · 14/09/2006 08:53

I so wish I'd been wrong earlier in the thread

What sort of fucked-up place do we live? This is really shocking and I'm so sorry so many MNers have had such horrible experiences

Issymum · 14/09/2006 09:15

Justaname: You wrote "I want to talk to my DD. How old does she have to be not to scare her. I hadn't thought of broaching the subject yet. She is 5, but i was being abused by now. Thinking of it like that - just doesn't bare thinking of... "

I wanted to talk about this early on with DD1 (also 5). The catalyst for doing so was organising a car share for the school run where she would be picked up by and occasionally taken home for tea by her best friend's Stay-At-Home-Father. This SAHF is a great guy, I know him well and every instinct tells me that DD1 would be entirely safe with him. But, I still wanted her to recognise when something was wrong and to be confident about telling us about it. Somebody on MNet recommended this book . The illustrations and text are a bit syrupy, but I think it got the message across to DD without frightening her. The book is in her book box and we'll re-read it every few months. Knowing that you can dictate who touches you and how and that if a touch is wrong you can tell your parents and will be believed, wouldn't have prevented many of the horrible assaults described on this thread, but it's a start.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 14/09/2006 09:21

Shocked here too. Also ,and afraid for my dd.

Reading this I think I've been very lucky.

marthamoo · 14/09/2006 09:25

This thread is horrifying and so, so sad.

Pooka has a good point, as hovely says. All these men were little boys once - how did they get to a point where they thought this was OK? As a Mum of boys is it something I have to address directly (when we have those talks about sex) or is it a case of leading by example - that they see the relationship I have with their father which is equal and non-abusive and based on mutual respect?

I am shocked at how many people have posted their experiences on this thread - and last night I was thinking (it upset me to post too, and I haven't really thought about it for years) that OK, there's me...and I know friends IRL who have had their own dreadful experiences too...just how many girls and women are we talking about here ?

soph - excellent post.

FoghornLeghorn · 14/09/2006 09:26

Thinking about it now although I have never ever been abused I found out recently that my Grand father (and I use that term loosely) sexually abused both of my aunts when they were younger and also assaulted my cousin, my dad was also physeically abused. This went on for years with no-one knowing about the other until my dad found out about my aunts, we then had nothing further to do with either him or my nan (she knew it was going on and just let it happen). My dad wanted to report him to the police but both my aunts said they would deny it ever happened.

morningpaper · 14/09/2006 09:29

Issymum: That book looks great for reading to children, I will buy it.

The notions of 'good touch/bad touch' are very important. My mother is very naughty in demanding hugs and affection from my children, and moaning "Oh Granny never gets hugged except by you, please hug me" and I find this very difficult because she gets upset when I insist that the children don't hug anyone that they don't want to hug.

I REALLY would like to say "Look, because of your attitude, I felt it was wrong to refuse people physical affection and because of that I lay crying while I let my husband fuck me - because of that I thought it would be rude and impolite to say no while held me against a wall while he wife was asleep - because of that I didn't put up a fight while X asaulted me - so I am teaching my children something different."

foundintranslation · 14/09/2006 09:36

Just been reading this with horror.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me. It seems I am tremendously lucky and quite possibly in a minority

Am very and for you all.

trinityshiftingherleatheryarse · 14/09/2006 09:36

Almost can't bear to read all of this thread, I too remember vivdly being held down by a so called boyfriend and fucked in the mouth. I remeber thinking that I can't stop him as he is my boyfriend but it got worse and more violent and eventually I managed to get away and then fall into the same trap with 2 other men. to this day those experiences are causing me problems in my marraige as I fihght to realise that sex isn't just for the man and that I do have the rigfht to enjoy it and say no. My hubby knows all anout my past experiences and is caring and working with me to overcome these issues.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2006 09:40

me - by my best friend's brother's roommate.

he was really handsome. had taken my best friend to the prom - i'd gone w/her brother.

i did fancy him and was fooling around w/him in a bunk bed at a university when he decided he wanted full on sex.

i'd been drinking. at any rate, there was NO way i could have fought him off, he was 6ft., 2in.

i said, 'i don't know that i want this.' he just said, 'you should have thought about that an hour ago. now you're mine and i'm going to fuck you hard.'

unreported.

puddle · 14/09/2006 09:40

This thread has made me angry. It's such shocking reading. I hope that some of you have found some peace in sharing your experiences

I was chased by a man in a wood when I was about 7. Luckily I outran him.

Have also been groped (ie hand up skirt) on the tube and in a bar (kneed the bar groper in the balls and poured a drink over his head - doubt he tried that again).

Nothing compared with what some of you have been through.

Toady · 14/09/2006 09:46

me several times with BASTARD ex, reported but ignored. DS1 conceived because of it terrible secret to have

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread