This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

I have never been attacked or assaulted but reading this thread makes me feel sick.

So so sorry for everyone who's been through this.

My FIL is a convicted paedophile who is worming his way back into our family. I'm terrified for my dd. MIL always said she'd prayed that her children would never have daughters. Although FIL never raped family members only family friends .

He served 2 or 3 years of a 7 year sentence after abusing at least 3 girls that we know of. But there must be more.

I read somewhere that on average paedophiles and rapists have 40 other victims other than the handful (or fewer) who have reported an incident.

Would any of you brave brave women report it now?

Holy crap - this thread!

Me - never. Nothing even close. But really recognise the whole "nice girls don't say no" theme from earlier.

There was NO way I'd have reported mine.

I mean, how was that gonna look in court? 18-year-old female, drinking underage, willingly went into a bed w/him, willingly fooled around.

I just laid there after that and he slept in the bed w/me.

The next morning, I just laid there sort of numb and he did it again.

I would have fought harder

I would have fought

Never. My God.

I'm with pooky. How do I bring up ds to respect other human beings and their bodily integrity, without making him feel like he's a criminal for being male?

I am so amazed at the damage and strength in this thread. I wish this were the basis of the next Mumsnet book.

MP
I was SO drunk I was trying not to throw up.

If I'd have fought, he'd have easily pinned me down. He did, in fact.

I was so shocked it took a bit to register that he was really going to penetrate me.

The next morning I was so sick from too much drink it was agony to turn my head.

I always thought I was the type who would have fought, too, but when you're actually in that situation, you just can't believe it!

Then, I thought, whilst he was doing it, that I'd brought it on myself by being so irresponsible and if I'd just lie still he'd finish it off.

This thread is good -it makes us realise that we are not alone. all of those who feeel as i do today with all this crap stirred up.....draw stregth from the fact that we are here together understanding one another....
dont know how i can get through today

Plus, the more I squirmed, the more excited he got and started whispering all these dirty things in my ear.

He didn't seem to find what he did wrong at all.

After the 2nd time, he was all gentle and was like, You can get up now, darling.

Me - yes, unreported.

I never reported it, I was 15, he was 40+ and someone that my parents had trusted to take care of me. I felt I was to blame. He was my friends dad
It doesn't affect me too much anymore, I used to self harm in the years afterwards and went through a pretty rough time.
I feel happy with the punishment he got for it, yes he was never properly charged or convicted, but I kept track of his life through my friend and truly believe in karma, he's had the worst possible things imaginable happen to him. I believe this is my justice.

Expat, how awful

For one assault, I was scared to be firm because I was scared of hurting him - I was 14 - we were at the top of the stairwell - I thought "Gosh I must be careful, he might fall down and hurt himself and I might wake up my parents". I should have pushed the fucker.

For another assault, I was scared to make too much noise in case I woke up my family/his wife. I didn't want to upset anyone. I should have screamed and then they would have all known what he was like and what he was doing.

For another I was VERY AWARE that it didn't matter whether I struggled or not, because he was so much stronger and bigger than me, even if I tried to move it made no difference, he was so much stronger than I was. There was no point in fighting.

What shocking reading this thread is!

The next time someone suggests on a thread that people are being over protective of their children and that in the good old days we had so much more freedom, I will direct them to this thread.

I fear for both my children having read this, I really do. That my daughter will not be as lucky as me and that my son might turn out to be one of the 'bad' guys!

Some of you have asked why do men think they can do this to women(girls). Well the answer is patently obvious from this thread! They do it because they get away with it, time after time after time. And that is totally shocking!

I hope sharing your experiences here, has not been too painful for you

I really hope we can do something with this thread so that it can be the beginning of a campaign to raise awareness of this issue and how securing better conviction rates may mean that more people feel it is worthwhile reporting these offences. Sadly the press are rather full of the opposite situation now following on from the case of the serial liar!

I'm gobsmacked at this thread and very sad. How awful that so many women go through such horrifying ordeals and then suffer in silence.

It's just all about power isn't it. What bastards.

Some of you have asked why do men think they can do this to women(girls). Well the answer is patently obvious from this thread! They do it because they get away with it, time after time after time. And that is totally shocking!

True, soapbox. But why do they want to? Not all men are like this - many, many men know that no means no, whatever the circumstances...what makes these man different?

I am in shock at how many of you this has happened to.

Thankfully i havent had anything like it happen to me,I was taken advantage of when VERY drunk once. But was my own fault.

My Ds's dad was abused by a family "friend" for a long time as a child. It was a man he called Uncle. Nothing ever came of it.

(these men, sorry)

Soap
I joined a support group at uni and that helped me move on.

'Date' or 'acquaintance' rape was SO common on my campus.

None of the girls I met had reported it.

A lot of the perpetrators didn't honestly see what they'd done as rape.

The incidents all took place under almost identical circumstances to mine: girl is drinking - usually underage - w/bloke. After drinking lots, she goes willingly w/him to a private spot and willingly engages in foreplay w/him.

Sometimes, the guy would just put himself inside her w/o even asking her permission, as if it were given just b/c she was messing around him.

Power and control I suspect Soupy!

Some possibly over step the mark - too drunk to think and act sensibly. It really is tragic!

I feel shocked and angry too to read what terrible experiences some (too many) of you have been through

I've not been sexually assualted or raped.

What a lot of unreported crimes feel so sad and angry for all of you on this thread.
Agree totally that us mothers of boys have to make sure our sons are on-message about self-respect and respecting others from a very young age.
I've not experienced rape or sexual assault but I do remember being utterly petrified by a predatory older man who asked me out on a date on my sixteenth birthday - no experience of dating, just palled around with friends. He presented me with a sexually explicit birthday card before we set off and I still feel I was lucky to get away from him at the end of the evening. Ugh. 27 years ago and I can still see his leering face.
So sorry to see these stories here

me - reported when i was 17 - he got away with over ten years of abuse cos i was now old enough (17) to 'know' the words i was using!, had i said something when ii was a frightend child, they may have done something
he now lives(it was my father BTW) with a woman and small children

absolutely sickened by these stories......feel terrible for all of you who experienced such a trauma. I know i would never have the strength to report it or even discuss it afterwards....how have you all coped??

A vast majority of the incidents at uni involved heavy drinking on the part of both people.

I'm one of the lucky ones, although I remember an incident with a former work colleague who once grabbed my hand and shoved it onto his balls. I just pulled my hand away and told him to fuck off. He never tried anything like it again with me, but looking back I now realise that he'd probably done this, and possibly worse, to loads of women . I suppose it was a sexual assault, albeit a minor one, although I didn't think of it as such at the time. I just thought "What a dickhead" and promptly forgot about it until now.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I hope you have found it in some way cathartic.

Those of you with teenage dd's - do you think you would let then read this thread, to serve as a warning of what can happen and how best to defend yourself against it?

I sincerely hope that my dd will know that it's fine to say no, not to get paraletic, etc although I'm sure that when she's 18 and out drinking with her mates it won't make the blindest bit of difference [scared emoticon]. I used to walk home drunk by myself, although I would carry a lit fag and always said I would stab it in the eye of anyone who came anywhere near me.

I will share my story w/my daughters. 100%. Don't have a problem w/it.

I was responsible for my personal safety.

Instead I got completely stupified w/drink. I'd fancied the bloke. He was 20 and at uni already and I felt like a little kid and was thrilled when he showed me some attention. He was drop dead gorgeous, too.

I wanted to prove I wasn't just a high school kid so when he said, 'Let's go somewhere where we can be alone' I went.

Whilst he was doing it, he was whispering stuff like, 'The more you move around, the harder I'm going to fuck you', and 'Do you like that? Do you like it hard like that?'