Child sex offender

[okeydonkey]

I can't believe Im actually writing this. I found out my sister, who has two children from previous relationship, has been seeing a man who is on the child sex offenders register. He was caught downloading child porn on a work computer. My sister is saying there's a fine line and he didn't know the girls were under age. I'm sickened. AIBU to feel like she's trying to pull wool over my eyes. As he's done so with her.

I know someone like your sister, I have met him and he is a lovely man who made a mistake while looking at porn and got sent all sorts of awful things which he deleted but because they were still somewhere random in the pc he got done...[he] has to be supervised with his own children... Please do not jump to the worst conclusions because they may not be the case.

I don't buy it. Everyone knows that if you "accidentally" DL child porn you contact the authorities and let them know where you got it so they can catch the distributor.

She has said she wouldn't put her children in danger. But she is by spending time together with him
She wasn't going to tell me I found out through small town gossip.

Unfortunately with some of these sites they uses viruses to copy the images to hidden foldee's on the hard drive so you get done for making them. As I say I have had all this told to me by a police officer who is jot allowed to lie on minimalise the crimes so yes I believe it was a mistake. The unsupervised access is standard procedure and not because he is seen as a threat.

Not all people who end up on the sor are evil. Some just get caught up in things they cannot get out of and end up over their heads.

Okeydonkey, well done for phoning the police - that took courage and nerve. Thank heavens your dn has you to look out for his well-being. His mum's head has been turned, and she's not thinking straight, so it's great that you are there to take the appropriate action in her place.

Once you have spoken to the police tomorrow, then it is entirely up to you who you speak to about this, what you say and how much.

The Stop It people don't sound like they're actually very interested in stopping it, do they? Remind me to strike them off my list of useful organisations.

Don't want to harp on, but had your Sis asked him why he needed to use the Work computer to download his porn?

A bit off topic but I was postively boggled at people who were sacked for downloading adult porn on to work computers, went to a tribunal and were found to be unfairly dismissed because their employers hadn't told them they shouldn't do this.

She has been sucked in already. Make sure you do carry on protecting her children.

Sorry wheresthelight but that sounds like a load of flannel...

Are some women so desperate for a man they will put their children at risk like this?

Wheresthelight, police officers can talk bollocks too.

Youthecat, not necessarily bollocks. I had an enquiry where indecent images of children were located in a part of the computer where the forensic investigators were unable to confirm if they had be downloaded knowingly or by virus. They submitted a report to me, I forwarded it to pf.

No conviction in that instance.

Obviously it was a bit more technical but that was the jist of it.

My mum has sided with her. This is so messed up. My mum has just said I need to hear my sister and this 'man' out. But I don't want them to convince me it was ok. Wtf??

I will ask why he felt the need to look at it on his work comp

Youthecat not when they are the officer in charge on ensuring he doesn't reoffend and are in charge of giving me full disclosure due to the relationship I have with myfriends cchildren. My friend is disabled amd I am a carer for her and emergency contact and next of kin with hospital etc for her and the kids due to crap sperm donor and her having no family.

I asked an awful lot of questions as I work within a safeguarding children environment so I am not an idiot or easily led. Funnily enough I do actually know what I am talking about

Op I think you would be wise to hear them out but ask the questions people have offered here. Put him on the spot, ask the same questions again and again yo make sure he gives the similar answers.

To be honest it can't have been that bad of he is on a suspended sentence as courts very rarely take these things lightly. Images are graded in severity so the chances are that they were not as bad as some out there. That is not a justification but an explanation for the information you have questioned

If you don't feel comfortable dealing with him then don'tbut the oonly way you can truly protect her children is to be involved so you can see what is happening

Thanks wheresthelight. The images where 1,2,3,4 but not the highest/worst 5.

All of them are terrible. 4 are not the sort of things you would forget if you saw them.
5 are the very worst.

Knowing what they mean then they aren't the worst thatare out there. NO torture or beastiality etc.

Whilst I understand your reaction (mine was the same at first) please be wary or jumping to conclusions and alienating your sister. You cam only protect if you are involved and if he is grooming them then you need to be around to support the kids.

The nspcc run "rehabilitation" courses where the offenders have to examine the compulsion behind the behaviour. He must have completed this for the court to take such a lenient view and must have passed psych evaluations etc to show that he is at a low risk of reoffending which I hope gives you a small amount of comfort. Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss further without the histrionics that will appear on the thread because of the sensitivity of the issue

I havn't read all the threads so appologies if I'm repeating anything. If you have concerns you can contact the police and make an application whereby yoy provide the details of your sister, her children and her partner. They will then look into it and if there are any concerns the police will contact those with parental responsibilty of the children (your sister and her ex?) and make a FULL disclosure of his offences to them and outline the level of concerns they have. Social services will also be informed. They won't inform them either of who made the initial request if you ask them not to.

They won't just tell you about him over the phone, surely? You have to apply under Sarah's law like theend describes.

Yes I thnk I need to fill out a form to get info.

Whereisthelight thank you I will PM you tomorrow after I've found out next step.

Level 4 images are bad, they are images of penetrative sexual activity between a child and an adult. They should not and cannot be minimised. A child somewhere was badly abused when those photographs were taken.

Also, a suspended sentence is not getting off lightly. A suspended jail term is a sentence of imprisonment, but it is suspended on the condition that the offender does certain things - often it involves doing particular rehabilitation courses and being closely supervised by the probation service. If the offender fails to comply with the terms of the suspended term of imprisonment, they go to jail.

Yes, get what information you can on this guy for your own peace of mind. However, while I acknowledge that you don't want to alienate your family any further I strongly suggest that you tell social services. You will then know that you have done what you can to protects your sisters children.

I have worked with sex offenders for many years. All I can say is that befriending a single woman with children is a classic behaviour trait. You sister may be right and he has realised he was an idiot in the past, but she could also be wrong.

Whereisthelight, supervised access to children is not ok because it's the standard response, it's not the standard response at all! Each case is taken on its own merits. I wish that was standard!! Also you seem to be sharing an awful lot of very personal and private information about people who are vulnerable, people you are in a position of responsibility for. I know you will have been told that the situation you are dealing with is absolutely confidential so I'm pretty stunned you are bandying it about on a public forum!

Op please be careful who you trust. You've done the right thing now let the people who can help do their job.

I have worked with sex offenders for many years. All I can say is that befriending a single woman with children is a classic behaviour trait. You sister may be right and he has realised he was an idiot in the past, but she could also be wrong. shelscrape is absolutely right on this Op, the bottom line is regardless of whether he is a nice guy or not, your sister is gambling with her childrens safety. Where is their father in all this? He has a right to know who his children are around as well.

Todayisnotthedsay is right, please be careful who you trust. Go with your gut instincts, as you already said the Policewoman you spoke to was concerned about the situation, that should at the very least indicate you must continue to take action.

A suspended sentence is not to be taken lightly at all! It is still a formal criminal prosecution. Accidentally accessing images are dealt with by reporting them so they can be traced, especially if it has been done on a work computer. This is a very common excuse used by many convicted paedophiles. Also the majority of work intranet systems have firewall protection software to prevent porn sites from placing cookies within the system because they often carry a virus. The firewall would have detected the program trying to dump images and alerted the user, who if completely innocent should have then taken action.You would have to actively override this software and consciously access the site to accept and bypass the firewall.

wheresthelight if you work within the care system I find it worrying that you take such a cavalier attitude towards the safety of children and describe concerns as 'histrionics'. All of the posts on this thread have encouraged the OP to work with the police and put the safety of the children first. This is the responsible thing to do and is in no way histrionic.

I will not go into details as its not appropriate but I have come into contact with sex offenders within the prison environment as part of my work and my experience is they are extremely well practiced at deception. Even to the point of self delusion 'it was the child's fault, if they hadn't been there or led me on, I'm the innocent victim'. You cannot allow any doubt, you must find out the real facts of the case and not take their word for it. This process of grading is for the police and criminal court to use to ensure they target the really dangerous offenders given limited resources. All grades are red flags and should be taken seriously not used to minimise culpability. He has accessed up to grade four which would suggest he is working his way up the scale.

Your mother has also been taken in by this man. You are thinking with a clear head, please, please keep going. You owe it you nephew to be on guard about this man. He is not family, you do not owe him the benefit of the doubt. Better safe than sorry.

You owe this man nothing, you owe your nephew everything given that you are now aware there is a problem. You are doing the right thing, do not be swayed.

they uses viruses to copy the images to hidden foldee's on the hard drive
Why would they do that, I ask? Child porn is a money-making business, I cannot, for the life of me, so why on earth people would be donated it.

I had a dear friend once whose wife accused me of having abused her 12-year-old daughter. I didn't believe it but I still knew I could never leave him alone with my child.

Its a shame for the falsely accused, but as a mother we have to protect our children.

It isn't child porn...it is sickening images of children being abused.

Porn involves consenting adults.

I don't know any police officer who would promise/prove to anyone that someone won't re-offend.

Because they can't guarantee it & I would be pretty sure that their job would forbid them doing so.

If he wasn't going to harm the dc, he would see no need to groom their mother. He has spun her these lies in order to groom her, and for all intents and purposes, if she is spouting his crap, she is already under his influence.

She may not know it, but she is. Pretty soon he will cross that line.

Stay child focused.

"what would happen to the child if I don't tell anyone" - possible sexual abuse.

If there is nothing to be concerned about, the police/ss will know, but that is their choice to make. Please do not be the one who suspected & did nothing. Child safety is everyone's business.

You are only failing the children if you don't do anything.