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Original poster

Child sex offender

290 replies

okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 11:53

I can't believe Im actually writing this. I found out my sister, who has two children from previous relationship, has been seeing a man who is on the child sex offenders register. He was caught downloading child porn on a work computer. My sister is saying there's a fine line and he didn't know the girls were under age. I'm sickened. AIBU to feel like she's trying to pull wool over my eyes. As he's done so with her.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/07/2014 16:23

"She's saying now that he won't reoffend"

No-one. NO-ONE is ever in a position to absolutely guarantee that someone will or will not do X in the future. That might be what he's told her but that doesn't make it true.

Sounds like your sister has been well and truly groomed.

FourAndDone · 07/07/2014 16:28

This crazy! Call the police op.Sad

PandaNot · 07/07/2014 16:35

Not all offenders registered on the SOR have the same conditions put on them. I know one (through my job) whose condition is restricted to unsupervised access. So long as another adult is the protecting factor then he's allowed contact.

MrsBoldon · 07/07/2014 16:37

Different offenders have different conditions. I would contact SS anyway, they may already know but if not, they should know.

NatashaBee · 07/07/2014 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 07/07/2014 16:41

he won't reoffend and a police officer can come and prove this to you ??? Hmm

he really has got to work on spinning her some crap hasn't he!

thecageisfull · 07/07/2014 16:48

Re the 'fine line' I think it's perfectly plausible to not be able to tell if a naked girl is 15 or 18 but to find underage girls you would probably have to type in some dodgy stuff, such as 'underage' or 'teen' or 'barely legal' which speaks volumes and he downloaded porn on a work computer ffs.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/07/2014 16:50

I'd say 'yes please' to the police officer, as either:

  • police will come round and fill you in properly
OR
  • there will be a string of excuses which may help show your sister all is not quite as it appears

Then you'll be able to phone the police and not be accused of going against him etc etc as he himself offered that possibility.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/07/2014 17:10

I agree, tell her 'If that's it then there will be no problem with me contacting Social Services and the police, will there? They'll all just reassure me and then it'll all be just peachy!'.

Not sure of their ages, but keep a careful eye on her DCs for any behavioural changes or odd remarks. You may be their first line of protection. Make sure they know they can call you any time for anything!

Birdsgottafly · 07/07/2014 17:11

OP if there was no possibility of him reoffending, he wouldn't need to be on the register.

It's interesting because a users always offer to take victims to Police Stations, hand them the phone to call.

If they find a sympathies cousellor/family member they live to drag people they are trying to hook in, to meet them.

It's a common tactic, used by a clever mind games player.

I've known Offenders, who have gone through Perpetraitor programmes, they stear clear of getting involved with a Parent of children, whilst under the radar, because they wouldn't want to bring what being on the register etc to another family, who they may come to care about.

Birdsgottafly · 07/07/2014 17:13

Just to add OP, don't just become suspicious of Males, if your Sister starts to have unknown, to you, female friends, be concerned.

Female abusers target, families, as well.

PolterGoose · 07/07/2014 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GretchenWiener · 07/07/2014 17:38

Agree
Calling it porn is totally inappropriate

Original poster
okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 17:55

He told her he loved her very quickly. My DN has said he preferred things before mummy met him.
My mind is going crazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 17:56

I apologise if I'm drip feeding I'm aware how annoying that is.
It's just things keep popping in my mind as I spend the day thinking about it.

OP posts:
FourAndDone · 07/07/2014 17:58

But okey why aren't you contacting anyone?Confused

Jux · 07/07/2014 17:59

What did Stop It say?

KnackeredMuchly · 07/07/2014 18:14

Just in case your Sis is wrong, phone SS and the Police. Don't believe her yet.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 18:54

They said that he might have been on a program to over come it. Like if you were alcoholic.
They explained how it may have escalated from normal porn to child abuse images. She said i could call in few days. She also said if someone looks at child abuse images then he could have been sent lots of images but not accessed them himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 18:55

And she said its my sister choice who she tells when I asked if my inlaws should know.
They were helpful but not overly concerned, no urgency or anything

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 07/07/2014 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boomeranggirl · 07/07/2014 19:01

I would go to you local police station and ask for advice. They will be able to tell you exactly the ins and outs of what he is and isn't allowed to do whilst he is on the sex offenders register. I bet he is not suppose to be having over night stays in a house with children in it!

The phone line you spoke to sounded pretty weak tbh and remember that is one person who could have got their info wrong. Mistakes can be made.

I wouldn't risk my nephews safety if I were you. Better to over react in this situation than under react.

Please don't leave it just for the sake of your sisters feelings. You are their aunt and without sounding overly dramatic might be the only one who prevents something bad from happening. Their mother clearly isn't in her right mind.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 07/07/2014 19:01

She also said that there is a chance of reoffending but after a program they can be rid of the urge and it doesn't mean he fancies children. I feel like I'm in a weird bubble and everyone involved around me is minimising looking at child abuse images

OP posts:
Boomeranggirl · 07/07/2014 19:05

It's because it's an uncomfortable truth for people to deal with. Abusers are very plausible people who are good a persuading others they are good decent folk. If they weren't they wouldn't get anywhere near their victims.

Majority of sex offenders start off looking a child porn, then that isn't enough and they end up acting on their urges. Maybe a small amount don't but to be honest they don't deserve the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the safety of a child.

YouTheCat · 07/07/2014 19:17

Rid of the urge? Seriously? What utter bollocks! If that was the case then all the paedophiles would just get sent on lovely little courses to stop them doing it again.

OP, I think you've had some really bad advice from the people you phoned. I'd call the police to confirm things.

If what you have been told is true then there'll be no repercussions for anyone but if what he's said is a lie then he'll be arrested.