AIBU to think that losing a cat is NOT the same as losing a husband?

[MummyDoIt]

Just had a conversation with a friend whose cat has been put down. Now, I'm a pet owner and have lost pets in the past so I'm well aware of how much they become part of the family and how you grieve for them when they die.

However, I was rendered speechless when friend said to me 'you know just how I'm feeling because it's the same as when your husband died.' Er no. No pet, no matter how well-loved, can possibly compare to a husband and father to your children. I know how I felt when my last cat died and I know how I felt when DH died and it was certainly NOT the same!

Seems like the emerging Grief pecking order on this thread is Child, just ahead of Animals, and then - some way behind- Husbands, Parents etc etc.

OP. was therefore clearly being Very Unreasonable, and your friend was being Totally Rational, nayVery Generous to equate the loss of a mere husband to that of her precious cat.

I just hope the people who hijacked this thread are a sad minority on MN and in RL.

Cats do not equal kids, and that's the bloody end of it.

of course they dont. No animal equals a human. You can feel upset when a pet dies but its not as important as when a human dies (there are evil exceptions to the rule of course).

Anyone who equates their pet with, or above , their kids or partner does need help imo

and yes, i have dogs, cats, kids, husband

I dont think that grieving deeply for an animal is wrong.

I do not understand those who think it is odd or abnormal.

There IS something wrong with telling someone the loss of an animal is the same as the loss of a person.

I have lost a child but I would NEVER say to someone bereaved of a spouse or grandparent or parent that 'its worse for me' or even 'I know how you feel' because that would be insensitive.

So why is it ok for someone who has lost a cat to say it? Because they might be, bless em, a bit batty and lonely?

No excuse. Why is always down to the person on the recieving end of the toss to be understanding and tolerant of the other person regardless of how rude/self absorbed/insensitive they are?

It was a crass thing to say to you without a doubt!

However i don't think there is a definitive pecking order for grief, nor is it reasonable to tell someone else what their emotional reaction should be to any loss. She was devastated by the loss of her cat. No-one should be telling her that she has no right to feel as bad about that as anyone else does for any other loss.

Fuck me some of you are vile!

Its not about telling her how she should feel about the loss of her cat. Its about her not being so bloody insensitive to say she knows how the op feels because of it.

I really hesitate to use the term 'bullies' on mumsnet, but this is the secondd thread in about a month where posters have seemed to 'pile on' zukie for things that she has said (previous thread was about how well behaved her daughters are, and this one about her cats). I don;t think it was the same posters in question, not a all, but sometimes there seems to be some kind of piss taking when a self-proclaimed vulnerable posters says something which goes against the majority view.

My personal view is that in a healthy, happy person who has a full load of family and friends, cats and dogs may well fall down the scale of importance, however for someone like zukie, who is essentially housebound, of course her cats are going to be very important. You don't have to agree or necessarily empathise with that view, not at all, but I don't think it is fair to rip someone to shreds for stating a different opinion. I know it is all words on a screen (not that I subscribe to that view necessarily) and yes we are all a bunch of strangers, but bloody hell there is a human being on the receiving end.

Rant over, I'll piss off now.

Agree with getorf

I also think it's pretty sad that people can be sympathetic to the op but down right bloody cruel to someone who is obviously vulnerable and has suffered an abusive past

Even after she has said that she would never say to anyone grieving what the op s friend said to her

YY and YY again GetOrf.
Zukie does seem a vulnerable poster, but also a lovely one.
I've never seen her turn on anyone the way they seem to turn on her.
That was a brilliant post

Woah woah woaaaahh!!

I have never seen any other posts by Zukie on here before at all. How the hell am I supposed to know she is vulnerable, has an abusive past....or any of that stuff?! This is exactly what I am referring to when I say I am not responsible for the emotional wellbeing of Zukie or any other poster on here.
All I saw was a post from xxx claiming to love her cats as much as she loves her kids....something I am of the opinion, is actually a bit disturbing.

I took as I found, and that is all I can ever do. I am neither psychic or bored enough to delve into the background of every loopy post on here - of which there are many!

I am a random poster on a forum...when I joined, I did not sign a contract agreeing to be everyone's pal ok?

I think that regarding your cats as being equal to your children is bonkers...Jesus Christ is that alright, or did I fail to spend two hours researching Zukie's history before I said it?!
Take your bully accusations and ram them. I am not a bully.

sorry but losing a pet, whilst very sad (and i have lost pets) does not come CLOSE to loosing a child or partner, or parent etc, if i lost a child part of me would die with them, literally it is the worst thing that i could possibly imagine happening in my life and to equate that to a cat, which you can replace from a cat rescue home is actually disrespectful imo!

there is no way in the world that the loss of an animal compares to the loss of a child!

and mn is a BIG forum, posters CANNOT be expected to know the ins and outs and personal circumstances of other individual posters.

Be grateful you don't have emotional difficulties, pictish.

You don't know whether I do or not Fab....and I don't expect you to know.

"All I saw was a post from xxx claiming to love her cats as much as she loves her kids....something I am of the opinion, is actually a bit disturbing.
"

Something which, I am of the opinion, is bugger all to do with you.

I was assuming you didn't, pictish, as I can't imagine someone who did being so harsh with someone who clearly does.

I apologise to you Zukie if you found my post offensive (I see that it has been deleted). I was unaware of your back story, which sounds dreadful.

If it's bugger all to do with me, then Zukie should have kept it to herself rather than posting about it on a public chat forum shouldn't she?

I didn't ask her to post that, made zero enquiries as to her child/cat status quo whatsoever, but seeing as she did, it's up for discussion.

clearly?! how is it clear that she does, it become clearer from following posts, but not at the beginning its not AND not everyone reads the whole thread!

and origionalfab you know nothing about pictish but have made the assumption that she cant have emotional problems based on her posts on this thread?!! yet pictish gets told off for not taking other posters history and personal health (which she doesnt know anything about) into account, ironic!

Lying - what have I said on this thread that was nasty? The only things I said (the posts that were deleted) were to a poster who was being nasty and I asked them why they felt the need to live up to their name. I said a nasty poster was being a muppet. What's you problem with that?

... and I was terribly upset by you on that other thread, so don't you dare imply I wasn't.

Look - I'm getting sidetracked entirely. All I'm saying is that finding another poster's eccentricities rather bizarre is not bullying or being horrid. It's simply an opinion...one that Zukie can pluck from the ether and bat to the far side of fuck if she likes.

I was not aware of her history, and couldn't be expected to be, so I take exception to the bully accusation, and the 'jumping on a vulnerable poster' one as well. I was posting blind.

Fwiw Zukie - I'm sorry too, for everything you have endured....and I bloody well mean that.

But I don't understand why it matters so much to some people ?

zukie has already said that she would never say that to someone who was bereaved so why does it matter to you how she feels ?

I hate all this grade of sadness shit .

One persons worst is another persons happy day .