AIBU to think that losing a cat is NOT the same as losing a husband?

[MummyDoIt]

Just had a conversation with a friend whose cat has been put down. Now, I'm a pet owner and have lost pets in the past so I'm well aware of how much they become part of the family and how you grieve for them when they die.

However, I was rendered speechless when friend said to me 'you know just how I'm feeling because it's the same as when your husband died.' Er no. No pet, no matter how well-loved, can possibly compare to a husband and father to your children. I know how I felt when my last cat died and I know how I felt when DH died and it was certainly NOT the same!

Thanks mardy I thought so too

I saw a post on post secret saying "My dog was the only thing keeping me here. He died today." (side note, I cried at tht :'( So sad and sweet!) so some pets mean the world to their owners...

It was a long long time ago Zukie and dd (who is a beacon in my life) arrived 51 weeks later. She's stretched out in the chair next to me - 13 years old and gorgeous - and between us are two furry boys, the other one's out on the prowl .

I said it earlier but I'll repeat it out of consideration for Zukie. NONE of us are gifted with the knowledge of how others might be feeling following a bereavement of any kind and we are NOT placed to judge others' grief or the strength of it.

I agree with the poster who said that the tact being spoken of is not being extended to Zukie.

Not sure what makes it ok to use the term "mental"
Zukie posted something many of you found challenging. So?
Pre DC I was so attached to my cat that I was still grieving his loss a year later. A pet can be the one constant in a turbulent/lonely/disturbed existence. I dont feel the same about cats now (dont currently have any) but I remember how it felt.

What a bunch of fuckers you're being to zukie, you ought to be ashamed.

You're extending as little empathy and compassion as the OP was given.

IRONY, MUCH!

I also had someone years ago tell me that she could understand my grief when my sister died because her dog had also died.

Sorry for your loss, Mummydoit, and for the fact that you friend is an insensitive oaf.

We are not all being insensitive fuckers actually .

I have been perfectly pleasant about the whole thing .

Not directed at you travelling. Or anyone who has shown zukie empathy, understanding and compassion.

OP of course You are NOT being unreasonable

Good Lord.

YANBU. YANBU. YANBU.

YANBU - I lost my father which in itself is not the same as losing your husband (or child) imo, and I regularly have to restrain myself from punching my MIL in the face when one of her millions of cats gets run over and she tries to say it is the same. She also gets annoyed when her entire extended family doesnt stop and drop everything and phone her to offer extended condolences etc. Mental.

It's a fucking cat !!!!!!!!!!!! what is unreasonable about that ?? Would like Zuckie to explain why her cats are as important as her kids !

Good lord - OP loses husband, writes about friend upsetting her with comparing it to cat's death - cue to hijacking thread to compare it to cat's death.

Only on MN is a DH's life worth near zero.....

It's not about importance.

It's about love which isn't quantifiable or limited.

Just like grief isn't quantifiable or limited.

I love my cat a huge amount and I loved my grandmother - the grief is not really comparable but I have equal capacity to grieve for both if I give it emotional room.

As a counsellor I see people for therapy who are grieving - I dont minimise their grief or judge them if it's 'Only' an animal - the feeling is real to that person and must be worked with.

No when I have pets, have lost pets and family members and they do not equate to the same thing ! No need to get personal though love !

Really nasty Daily Heil-ish side to Mumsnet shown on this thread.

Me get personal? WTAF

No, they do not equate TO YOU.

It's hardly a stretch of the imagination to realise some people might miss their pets more than others.

My dad died less than a year ago, he was an abusive, alcoholic wanker- I grieved for a week for what I'd missed out on and the few good memories I had.

I grieved a lot more for my cat who'd slept with me every day for 17 years.

Not happy with the way this thread has turned.

Hiding it now.