AIBU to think that losing a cat is NOT the same as losing a husband?

[MummyDoIt]

Just had a conversation with a friend whose cat has been put down. Now, I'm a pet owner and have lost pets in the past so I'm well aware of how much they become part of the family and how you grieve for them when they die.

However, I was rendered speechless when friend said to me 'you know just how I'm feeling because it's the same as when your husband died.' Er no. No pet, no matter how well-loved, can possibly compare to a husband and father to your children. I know how I felt when my last cat died and I know how I felt when DH died and it was certainly NOT the same!

Nobody can possibly love an animal as much as a person, it's just deranged.

I've lost a husband and a cat and I can verify that losing my husband was far worse.

The original fab - if only that was so. But yes, it probably does read like that.

You seem very odd to me zukiecat

I'm so sorry OP. One day I hope you can laugh at her stupidity, in the meantime distance.

I'm sorry zukie I'm afraid I don't know how to talk to you...

Emotional manipulation won't get you anywhere btw. It's wasted on me.

X post with Zukie, but sorry it does seem alien to me still, sorry for what you are going through though.

Fucking hell Zuckie, we now have two cats and a dog, all of which I love very much but I would NEVER EVER CHOOSE one of them over my children or even have to give it any thought TBH...they are your kids !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zukiecat You're obviously going through a rough time. I know this is AIBU folks, and I'm not sure if some are x-posts, but I think some people are being a bit harsh.

So which would you choose zukiecat? Your kids or your cats, say if there was a fire or some other kind of emergency?

They're animals and animals don't live that long, so you'll need to get some coping strategies darn quick if you're that determinted to feel this way about them.

Zukiecat,I'm stunned.And not much stuns me.I would absolutely love to know how you came to be this way,a person who loves her cats equally to her children,and would kill herself rather than choose.Do your children know you feel that way?

But the cats are cats, your kids are your kids ! In an emergency there would be no choice to a rational human, you would get the kids out first before even thinking of the pets !

Do your children know you feel that way? vgp Hilda x

It is not a choice you will probably ever have to face anyway , get your happiness where you can I reckon , and zukie has already said that she would never voice how she feels to a bereaved person so it matters not .

I hope you feel stronger very soon .

I don't think you can condemn her for being insensitive when she was very upset. I doubt she would have said that at any other time, and if she reflects over what she has said, I bet she will cringe.
Very sorry for your loss.

Nice post travelling

zukie - I think there are very few people who can understand that you feel the same for your cats as you do your children but I actually don't see it as a problem unless your children suffer for the sake of your cats. I am sure that is not the case but make sure you take proper care of yourself too.

funny that this tactfulness that some of you are going on about doesn't extent to zukie.

I have DH, DS and DD and I love them to bits. I also have my other three boys (feline ones who are each the size of a small toddler and who rule the roost). I adore my cats and freely admit they are a substitute for the children I couldn't have. Vet bills for one last year amounted to £2,200. I can see where Zukie is coming from - I wouldn't chose the cats over the children I couldn't but I would go a long way to keep them all insofar as I could. I am quite sure that if DS2 had not died shortly after his birth at 27 weeks I would not have an empty void to fill and I probably wouldn't fuss over the cats as much as I do. It isn't daft it's a little crutch and I think I see where you are coming from Zukie, esp at 1am when there's a cold purring nose in your ear and you can't stretch your legs out for heavy curled up lumps on the bed.

I can see what Zukie means.

Having said all that I do think the OP's friend was insensitive but I've heard the following which are no better: "oh your dad had cancer so you had a chance to get used to him dying" "DH must have been pleased his dad didn't suffer and just dropped dead although it must have been a shock", "well, you didn't have him long to love him that much and at least you have a child already unlike so many people who are just infertile".

I love my 12 year old cat to pieces and he has a wonderfully happy pampered life with me. But I wouldn't put his life above mine, my dh's or my dc. That is not an outrageous or unusual thing to say, surely?