Come on in, chat thread

[BlackeyedSusan]

Good morning. Come and chat. Somewhere to escape to if the rest of life is too overwhelming..or just to relax.
Help yourself to

The post in chat from an autistic man is going to go down like a lead balloon. Only 3 comments in and someone mentioned the vile "autistic partner/husband" supposed support thread. 🙄

I gave up reading that pretty quickly. Dh is likely autistic and we have been together over 20 years and are very happy. I think autistic people go better with fellow autistics tbh. I'd go crazy if I was married to a NT because they're too needy and over emotional.

I didn't read much of it.

I think I am probably needy and over emotional in relationships. But they have a destabilising effect on me so I get weird, hence not having them any more.

then again, I get asked, a lot, if I'm autistic. Not sure why.

Oh I've had a proper look. It's not what it says on the tin...

Oh, no - I've just typed a long response to him trying to sound encouraging as he seemed to be getting a hard time

because they're too needy and over emotional.

snorted 😆

it is not often that you see this perspective as the Nt narrative has taken over the accepted viewpoint.

NTs are like puppies. Noisy, jumping all over you, being unreasonable and incomprehensible and needing a lot of attention.

Give me a quiet, independent cat any day 😊

I've never linked the puppy thing to anything in particular. I Just thought some people are very puppy like.

I was thinking today - are NT more likely to attach to people rather than things?

NTs value social relationships over everything. This is their priority and maintaining those relationships is their primary objective. I suppose there are variations in that not all NTs are super sociable and prefer other activities to human interaction, but this is what the NT brain is built for.

My brain functioning means that I'm very focused on dh and my two dcs, but not other people in general. Other things take priority over other people, social activities, communication etc. We do get attached to other people, but only highly significant others. I just regard other people as another type of species that I happen to share the earth with. I kind of grudgingly tolerate (barely) them.

Anyone seen the fucking awful thread in AIBU?

Looks like we should all just try harder not to be messy folks! Problem solved.

Not sure which thread

Barrow I am probably taking MN too seriously on account of being lonely, but that makes me feel even more hopeless about making friends.

maybe I am NT. I had a surreal conversation with the GP. I am starting to wonder a lot of things about myself. The definitions of everything have gotten so....variable.

About messy houses and how traumatised they all are from growing up in a messy house.

I’m absolutely devastated reading it.

To be fair, some of the houses in that thread go beyond 'messy' - animal waste on the carpets, mould, vermin, severe hoarding and so on. 'Hoarding disorder' is a recognised mental health condition in itself. It is difficult growing up in a house like that, which I think it is reasonable to acknowledge while still being aware that the underlying reason for the house being kept as it is is likely to be beyond the house-owner's control.

Oh no, I'm sorry if I've upset you 😥

It's okay Barrow

I need to have a serious think about things going forward. I've hit the point
I will do a lot of masking to make friends again.

I need to think what's real and what's peri.

I think I mentioned the crazy neighbour...I spent a couple of hours with him again this weekend because I had no one else to talk to. Sad, I know.

Do you have an autistic adult's social group in your area?

When you say you're masking, do your friends know you're autistic?

Sorry,
i might have used the wrong word with "masking"

i actually haven't a clue what I am. I get a lot of people asking if I'm autistic.

but I know how to pretend to seem normal and much as I thought it was causing me depression and anxiety, I think I might have changed. Being so alone is causing far worse problems.

the whole of life, in front of others, is an acting job, perhaps that's true for a lot of people and has nowt to do with NTness.

there's an Alice in Wonderland quote that sums it up "well,
i knew who I was this morning, but i've changed several times since then".

obviously Alice means other things, but I can relate.

i'm sick of looking in groups, as per many posts, groups are infiltrated by pervy blokes so often.

I might be better off going back to the senior level of work I stepped back from. Lots of lovely women there, though by this age and stage, I guess many will have dropped out.

Emma I have learnt to my cost that masking is bad for mental health. Everything bottles up and sooner or later it translates into a meltdown.

Were you happy in your career - did you feel accepted regardless of your neurodiversity? That's quite a precious feeling and if so and if it's a viable option, going back would be worth considering.

No, I hated that level of seniority. I do the same work at a lower level now so easy enough to go back, I am often invited to networking things.

I didn't even know what ND meant till about three years ago.

I think knowing all these labels has probably done me more harm than good.

i think the trade offs of masking have to be examined in the context of how different my life is now to five years ago.

also, some of it's just labelling. My best friend is director level now, six figure salary, giving a talk at an industry event today.

every one of these things applies to her - and is just part of life in a senior job.

www.verywellmind.com/what-is-adhd-masking-5200863

i need to stop thinking about labels and get on with life, at one point the doctor thought I was bipolar. Or wanted to diagnose me with it.

i have gone from having friends who were my family to being very alone and I have to remedy that. Clearly whatever led me here was not good.

sorry to waffle.

So sorry Emma. Life's difficult.hope you work through it to a place of peace

Ps there's another Ignorant twat sounding off in AIBU again.

Hi all 👋🏻 just discovered this topic!! Sorry that this is my intro but... shouldn't it be neurodivergent mumsnetters? Or just 'neurodiversity' 🤔

Hi @goodsturdygirl

That's a really interesting point. There's a blog here discussing a similar question:

dart.ed.ac.uk/neurodiverse-or-neurodivergent/

I think 'Neurodiverse Mumsnetters' is acceptable because the board covers a range of neurodivergent conditions - a diverse group of Mumsnetters - but it would be interesting to hear other views.

We're still neurodivergent as a group though or with a variety of neurotypes. Neurodiverse just acknowledges that there are lots of different brains, we can't be diverse because we are only one thing. Does that make sense?? I won't lose sleep over it though, it's just a grammatical thing. & I'm pleased the topic exists!

...actually now I've re-read your post I do see your point! Except in that case neurodiverse would be everyone - both neurotypical and neurodivergent so there would be no need for the topic!