How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

I do have to say however, from personal experience that some of the most intolerant people to neurodiverse needs are other ND people. It’s like they feel their needs trump the needs of others.

I am aware of this and try and be aware of other peoples needs at all times.

She was threatened with serious disciplinary action unless she retracted it. I intervened, but they still made her life hell and destroyed her mental health.

People do tend to scream "aggression" when they're held to account. A cowardly strategy.

Agree with you Barrow, I actively avoid them too. Why wouldn't we when we've had a lifetime of experience of bullying, being talked over, humiliation and being ostracised?

Same as a pp, I've had trouble from management regarding my 'aggression' when just making a complaint. I ended up being pushed out of my job for it when I was pregnant. All I did was tell the truth.

Same as a pp, I've had trouble from management regarding my 'aggression' when just making a complaint. I ended up being pushed out of my job for it when I was pregnant. All I did was tell the truth.

I'm sorry that happened to you

Actively avoiding a group of people is a horrible attitude no matter what privilege you do or don't have.
If a black person said they actively avoided white people there would be outrage.

I would totally understand if a black person who had experienced racism day in, day out decided to avoid white people. It's a defence mechanism.

Would they? Should they be blamed? If you are a black person who spends most of their life navigating racism it might well be an understandable choice to choose mostly or all black friends just so you can relax.

@Hercisback

If you have been relentlessly bullied by a group of people, though it may seem extreme to you, surely you can understand a certain degree of apprehension at getting involved with that kind of person again - particularly in group settings? Even if you realise, which I have no doubt the OP does, that not all of that group are bad.

But the fact that as an NT (or at least a non-autistic) person you have come onto a thread where autistic people are discussing ableism directed against and your only contribution is to criticise and try to undermine us, suggests to me that you have very little interest in trying to help build bridges and understand us. Quite the opposite I suspect.

it is the usual story of the group in the privileged position, telling the ones that are not that they are wrong,/just as bad/undeserving of respect.

Why? I dont understand your hostility towards us. It’s so sad.

I have been relentlessly bullied by a group of people. That doesn't mean I assume all of those people are bad and horrible. It means the ones that bullied me were bad and horrible in their actions.

I spend a lot of time trying to understand autistic people. You have no idea of my life, job or situation.

But bridges won't be built with a closed mindset from either side.

@Hercisback so even though you understand what it’s like to be bullied, you have come on to a thread, where people are talking about being bullied by ableist people and are picking on one thing that one poster has said, ignored all other comments and told us off.

That’s really unbelievable and I simply don’t understand why you’re here. If that’s the attitude you bring to real life then I really hope you don’t have to deal with any vulnerable people as your lack of compassion demonstrated here is quite disturbing.

On the thread about how horrible it is to be with someone with autism, MN put the following

"This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner. (ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong)."

I think we need a similar statement from Mumsnet in this section saying it is a mutual support for ND mumsnetters and NTs may lurk etc but should not post arguing with us and telling us we're wrong.

I'm going to report my post to draw MN attention to it. If anyone agrees with me, maybe report it too.

I haven't seen the recent autism bashing thread(s) but generally speaking, reading stuff like that makes me really angry, especially when someone posts negative stuff about their partner (who is usually male) and loads of people pile in to 'diagnose' him with autism because his behaviour is so awful and abusive.

It's as though autism is the 'catch all' explanation (for the ignorant) for abusive, aggressive and anti social behaviour when the reality is the person in question is just an asshole with no autism/neuro-diversity in sight

Pisses me right off!

If a black person said they actively avoided white people there would be outrage.

That's nonsense. The very reason we have a Black MNers board is to allow people of colour a safe space. There's nothing outrageous about that, quite the opposite.

@IncompleteSenten

Yes that’s a good point.

So applying @Hercisback argument that generalising about one group is completely unacceptable, I wonder if Herc would go to these threads - called “married to someone with asperger’s: support thread” and point out how unfair it is that the title of the thread implies that all people with aspergers are the cause of problems in a relationship. Are you prepared to do that Herc?

@Scautish
@IncompleteSenten

I agree with your posts

This thread has no place for NT's arguing the toss. I will be reporting.

I take your point about this being a safe space and on reflection the staffroom board was deliberately hidden away from active so that non teachers didn't repeatedly comment. I'll step away gracefully.

I still think there is a difference between actively avoiding people IRL and enjoying a safe space online. I understand if you don't feel like that or agree with me.

I spend a lot of time trying to understand autistic people.

Clearly not nearly enough time if you think it's appropriate to come into a forum for ND people to tell us how we're doing ND wrong.

@Comefromaway

I do have to say however, from personal experience that some of the most intolerant people to neurodiverse needs are other ND people. It’s like they feel their needs trump the needs of others.

I am aware of this and try and be aware of other peoples needs at all times.

Unfortunately I’ve also experienced this. Not to mention when you are part of multiple groups. You can be a ND parent to a ND child.

I still think there is a difference between actively avoiding people IRL and enjoying a safe space online. I understand if you don't feel like that or agree with me.

Hark at this. They really must believe they're something special if they begrudge a seriously abused person avoiding their abusers.

Would you force a beaten woman to keep returning to her partner @Hercisback?

I'm practically a fucking hermit because of what I've had done to me by people (NTs).

I'm 52. You think I'm stupid enough to keep going back for more mistreatment? Yeah, right.

I find it interesting the generalised views of NT people so much so ,some people on here would actively avoid them , and in same breath being upset with NT people generalising ND people and how wrong it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

Would you force a beaten woman to keep returning to her partner @Hercisback?

I wouldn't, no. But if the abused partner then found a new partner I wouldn't warn them off saying "all partners are abusive". Your logic on this example is flawed.

I said I would bow out gracefully and I now will. I couldn't let this accusation lie though.

@IncompleteSenten

On the thread about how horrible it is to be with someone with autism, MN put the following

"This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner. (ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong)."

I think we need a similar statement from Mumsnet in this section saying it is a mutual support for ND mumsnetters and NTs may lurk etc but should not post arguing with us and telling us we're wrong.

I'm going to report my post to draw MN attention to it. If anyone agrees with me, maybe report it too.

I think that’s a good idea, as long as it applies to everyone equally. Because, at the moment, it seems that despite this being a board for ND posters you are only welcome to post if you are ND and have one viewpoint. If you have a differing opinion you are rounded on for being offensive, uneducated and ableist. I see from other posts on this thread I am not the only one to think this way.

18Newrunner29

I find it interesting the generalised views of NT people so much so ,some people on here would actively avoid them , and in same breath being upset with NT people generalising ND people and how wrong it is

Have you ever encountered the phrase 'actions speak louder than words'?

Well, ND people understand exactly the harm that comes our way from NTs because we've been living it for 20, 30, 40 + years. We understand exactly what we're dealing with.

NT people fail to understand what autism is or how it affects people. NT people generalise based on false assumptions, we generalise based on direct lived experience.

If you have a differing opinion you are rounded on for being offensive, uneducated and ableist. I see from other posts on this thread I am not the only one to think this way.

Why would anyone want to be ableist?