How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

It depends on how it's phrased though doesn't it @Newrunner29 - frankly I'd be pissed off if my DH was on here saying he wished I didn't have autism because I wouldn't be the woman he married. Autism mums need to remember their kids will grow up to be us, and see these posts from others. This is why I wanted a board for mnetters who actually have autism, so I don't need to look at those sorts of posts, but even our board here is being invaded by NTs and other curious folk.

"Autism mums"? Who is invading the board? Im ND hence why im replying im not a autism mum (i hate that phase!)

Happy birthday OP. So glad you were born. I'm NT married to a ND man. I have to be honest and say he is the best person I know. There are some difficulties caused by his autism but the good points far outweigh the more tricky aspects. I hope you have people who appreciate you for the person you are. Sorry you've had to read horrible threads don't people with autism.

Maybe you haven't been on the board much this past week but I've seen plenty of NTs plonking down and getting comfy to spout "just their opinions". I will use the term Autism Mums because in general they make my online life hell with their judgemental bullshit whenever I try and connect with others in our community.

Mumsnet can see an awful lot in the back end and tend to be overtolerant of some of the awful views on this site, so if they've tossed someone for being a PBP I'm quite glad the thread has gone.

For me it is the tendency to use autism as the boogeyman - a useful scapegoat to shove any sort of bad behaviour.

'Other half behaving like a douchebag- might he be autistic'

'you don't get , are you autistic?'

Not to mention my own resolution to be more outspoken getting the banhammer on me - with no warning...

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

They're touting ABA now 🤬

I am not ND to my knowledge but my son is and I read loads of academic papers (science PhD) and I've only seen ABA roundly denounced on MN, thankfully. E.g. Mum asks how to get ABA in school/in child's EHCP. Whole of MN points out it doesn't work and is harmful.

DD's best friend has an autism. They adore each other, are utterly on the same wavelength, and have never once fallen out in the many years of their friendship. I don't know if DD even knows about her friend's diagnosis. It is irrelevant. Personally I am so thankful that DD has such a great friend, and if her autism is part of what makes her such a fantastic mate then great.

On the other hand, I have another friend whose mental health and marriage have been utterly devastated caring for a child with very profound learning difficulties as a result of autism. He will need round the clock care for the rest of his life.

I cannot see how you could possibly compare the two situations, and that if your experience of being ND is closer to the first example, how you could possibly take offense to someone discussing the challenges associated with raising a child with needs like my friend's. The word 'autism' is pretty much the only thing in common between them.

Are you ND @cheeseismydownfall?

@EatSleepRantRepeat

It depends on how it's phrased though doesn't it *@Newrunner29* - frankly I'd be pissed off if my DH was on here saying he wished I didn't have autism because I wouldn't be the woman he married. Autism mums need to remember their kids will grow up to be us, and see these posts from others. This is why I wanted a board for mnetters who actually have autism, so I don't need to look at those sorts of posts, but even our board here is being invaded by NTs and other curious folk.

I say this with respect, but a lot of these children won't grow up to be you and won't be able to read, or access the internet, or even understand an abstract concept like what a stranger thinks about them.

I include my beloved, wonderful daughter in the above, unfortunately.

Like cheese pointed out, the commonality between your reality and my daughter's is quite possibly little more than the word "autism".

And that's ok, but that's why we all have to work hard at challenging our preconceptions and widening our acceptance.

@EatSleepRantRepeat, apologies, I didn't realise this was the ND board - I wouldn't have posted. It came up in active and having spoken to both of the friends I mentioned today I had been reflecting on the subject. But whatever my thoughts are they aren't relevant to this board.

I agree with cheese. And was actually thinking about my daughter is probably not going to be able to access a computer or have understanding so wont need to worry. About that.
I also include myself , i would love to not have the stuggles i face . If that makes me not ND then great obviously its not a possibility so not something i can consider.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation I feel really upset when i see threads like this aswell but sadly it doesn't surprise me just how cruel people can treat neurodiverse people because I have seen it all my life.

I am glad you were born because I'm pretty new to mumsnet and made a post a few days ago about dealing with low self esteem. Your reply really helped me so much and made me see that I have worth and value and I felt less alone and I know so many others on here would probably say that your posts helped them aswell.

Wishing you a very happy birthday and I hope you are able to do something nice for yourself

I just wish the NTs would stop with what they do

This is ironic considering you're moaning about people generalising.

I cannot see how you could possibly compare the two situations, and that if your experience of being ND is closer to the first example, how you could possibly take offense to someone discussing the challenges associated with raising a child with needs like my friend's. The word 'autism' is pretty much the only thing in common between them.

My experience of autism is nothing like the first or the second one. Quite frankly, what happened to me when I was a little girl was so bad it's unprintable. I'm not one of these smug 'high functioning' maths geniuses thank you very much. My life is very difficult. My son's life is very difficult.

I am sick and fed up of having autism explained to me by NTs who don't know it all, quite.frankly, a few of them know nothing.

I see the crap ableist attitudes have followed us over here now.

We should just stfu because we can use a computer and express ourselves?

Wow

I'm glad you're on this board @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation, I remember so many of your posts from the "partners" thread that helped kick-start it and you've been so helpful.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I see the crap ableist attitudes have followed us over here now.

We should just stfu because we can use a computer and express ourselves?

Wow

Tiring isn't it! As soon as something ends up on active we get inundated with crap.

Tiring isn't it! As soon as something ends up on active we get inundated with crap.

It's absolutely unbelievable!

When we were all campaigning for this board, someone mentioned asking MN that it didn't show up in 'Active' I think the Black Mumsnetters board had asked for the same thing. For similar reasons.

Thank you to all the people on this board who are kind and nice and who get it.

Or you just can't accept that people think differently to you and that is OK.

Not everyone has the same lived experience despite their 'label'.

It makes me feel I don't understsnd autism and don't want to get involved in arguments about it.

When we were all campaigning for this board, someone mentioned asking MN that it didn't show up in 'Active' I think the Black Mumsnetters board had asked for the same thing. For similar reasons.

They get harangued as well? ridiculous. Why are people so damn rude and offensive?

I hope you managed to have an okay birthday Barrow and I just wanted to say that I'm really glad you were born. I enjoy your posts a lot and feel like there are quite a lot of similarities in the way we are and how we cope with our autism, which makes me feel safe and comfortable. Thank you for that.

As for the kind of posts you are referring to, I try not to look. It's not nice to read how some parents are 'embarrased' by their autistic child and want to drug them.

@Hercisback

Or you just can't accept that people think differently to you and that is OK.

Not everyone has the same lived experience despite their 'label'.

Diagnosis. Labels are for jams