How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

[quote BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]@EatSleepRantRepeat

True. I'm just going to assume they're troll threads from now on. It's a shame because the NT parents could learn so much from us which might help their children, but I guess that's not what they want.[/quote]
Oh well, there can be a lot of learning just from reading about our experiences, I guess! MN has a strange breed of parent sometimes that can't mentally separate themselves from their children or see them as their own person, so they don't see why they shouldn't be front and centre of any thread. You see it on the university entrance bragging threads as well - "we" have got into Bristol, etc...

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

I agree with you. ABA makes me furious just reading about it because ABA is a shit thing to do to a child.

Sorry, I think I was missing punctuation and a functioning brain as we did not sleep well last night.

As I said I have ASD myself, or is this board only welcoming posts from autistic posters with one type of viewpoint?

Nobody is saying this, the thread I am referring to was in AIBU in any case.

Oh well, there can be a lot of learning just from reading about our experiences, I guess! MN has a strange breed of parent sometimes that can't mentally separate themselves from their children or see them as their own person, so they don't see why they shouldn't be front and centre of any thread. You see it on the university entrance bragging threads as well - "we" have got into Bristol, etc...

I've noticed this phenomenon as well. I think learning to accept your child as a separate entity is the key to successful child rearing. Remaining somewhat objective when dealing with problems is also useful.

@Newrunner29

Im not telling anyone what they need to think , im saying i have a different opinion and thats ok.

Of course you can have your own opinion. All I’m telling you is that it is offensive to me.

I question your motives for posting here at all - do you think it’s constructive?

Nobody is saying this, the thread I am referring to was in AIBU in any case.

I know it was, as I said in my pp, I posted on it not realising it was a PBP, I was talking about this thread.

I sometimes wish I wasn't autistic but maybe that is because the NT world is not accomodating. It's too difficult to pick apart.

Raising autistic kids can be hard work. But a lot of that is caused by a world/school not meeting their needs and being rigid in their thinking.

I think autism and other neurodiverse conditions are a disability in relation to myself and my daughter . I dont belive i should be stopped about saying that and others have also said it. So not just my thoughts
, because it offends u. I didnt relaise that the neurodiverse mumsnetters was only for people who didnt belive being neurodiverse was a disability my mistake!

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Fat people can lose weight.

Poor people can come into money.

Autistic people's genetic makeup means they're wired differently which can't be changed. If I was wired up as a NT I would cease to exist as the person I am. The majority of autistic people don't have learning disabilities.

Neurotypicals and autistics are all the same species. You wouldnt cease to exist as the person you are just because you didnt have the same difficulties which led to you needing an autism diagnosis.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Barrow whilst it is fine for you think that it is also fine for others to view things differently. And they shouldn’t be ostracised for thinking differently.

But in case you hadn't noticed, many of us are constantly being told our interpretation of being autistic is wrong because.......'my child is low functioning and my life is terrible because of it etc. etc. We're told we don't understand autism because we can talk, clean up after ourselves, go to the shops etc. We have the easy, fancy kind of autism and we're not proper autistics.....and so on and so on.

Do you know how offensive that is?

Hell, sad little trolls are even making up threads about it just to torment us.

Nice.

To be fair, you dont understand their kid more than its parents do. Having the same diagnosis as someone elses kid doesnt mean you know anything about them, and if they are feeling desperate and not enjoying life because their child unexpectedly needs so much more than they can give. What is proper autism? Im autistic, so are all my kids, so is my partner. It doesnt mean that I understand or relate to the autistic lad down the street, or the one next door, or the one in the next street along, or Harvey Price or any of us here. Im leaning heavier to the point of view that the original kanners autism type and aspergers high functioning type, arent even the same thing at all. Its a mistake to make autism such a huge umbrella term

@Newrunner29

I think autism and other neurodiverse conditions are a disability in relation to myself and my daughter . I dont belive i should be stopped about saying that and others have also said it. So not just my thoughts , because it offends u. I didnt relaise that the neurodiverse mumsnetters was only for people who didnt belive being neurodiverse was a disability my mistake!

Tbf most online autistic communities are taken over by people absolutely intolerant of any dissenting opinions. Im not sure this forum is going to be harmonious if its just autism is the only thing weve got in common

I didn’t see the thread.
I have hfa and my 2 youngest children are both diagnosed with asd. Both have little comprehension, older is nonverbal and younger uses echolalia.

I HATE the toxic positivity around autism at the moment. I hate the ‘autism is my superpower’ brigade. I hate sheldon cooper and the good doctor showing insufferable but clever men that a lot of women can connect to with their partners. and all the fabulous ‘enigma children’ shows that are shoved down our throat.

When I mention I have 2 autistic children I always get ‘oh I bet they’re good at maths/music’ ‘they’re gonna be a genius’ cos that’s all they know. I know they won’t show shit smearing/eating, meltdowns and being beaten by your autistic child on eastEnders any time soon but the reality is that that’s the truth for a lot of autism parents. It’s not bashing to talk about our lived experiences and it’s comforting to know you’re not alone sometimes. I can relate to that.

I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low.

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation
Nobody says these things here, or thinks them.
You're just looking for a fight, or something, I don't know...

or is this board only welcoming posts from autistic posters with one type of viewpoint?

It seems so.

Regardless of if it was a troll, is a parent of a ND kid not allowed to ask for help? Are parents of ND kids not allowed to answer with what help is available? If something suggested is damaging, then why can't other posters point it out? I'm not saying you have to, but we learn by being told.

I'm ND, and it's a constant learning curve to what works and what doesn't with my NDity. It really is.

@BessieFinknottle

Nobody says these things here, or thinks them. You're just looking for a fight, or something, I don't know...

you may think that OP is “looking for a fight” but, sadly, all these statements relate to comments regularly seen in MN or experiences regularly discussed amongst autistic adults

Just go to the “support threads” and you’ll see how badly we’re thought of. Every week you will get someone posting about an abusive partner and posters will pipe up “is he autistic” and you even get posters warning other posters of the risks around having a child with an autistic person.

Not only are you trying to minimise our experiences but you are also accusing us of actually seeking confrontation which is the last thing most of us want. Your comment is a perfect example of how we are excluded, isolated and unaccepted by society in general.

Can you please just leave us to discuss our experiences in peace? Please.

Any examples of where someone has posted any of those statements posted?

This thread has been really interesting to read.

For myself I wish I wasn't autistic. So much in life would be easier.

But then I don't feel that autism is part of 'me' or defines me to myself, it's more of an invisible barrier between me and the world. Instead of translating between me and others the barrier mangles things so they're never quite right. Removing that barrier wouldn't change me, but it would stop things being garbled and that could be great. Of course, I could just end up struggling in other ways - who knows? - and I'll never get the chance to try.

None of that means I think other people should view autism the same way or want the same for themselves.

The NT partners thread makes me so angry, as others have said the autistic = abusive vibe is horrific. Likewise the 'are they autistic?' response to almost any behaviour an OP considers unusual/unpleasant is a predictable as it is ridiculous. Like a PP I also dislike the 'autism is a superpower' narrative - it's patronising and twee.

There's such a range of effect and experience with autism I don't think the term is enough and assuming there would be consensus between people with the same diagnosis is weird. You wouldn't expect everyone from the same county, or with diabetes, or red hair to think the same way, so why do people assume this?

All that aside I hope you had a good birthday Barrow and I'm sorry you've been left feeling so awful by those threads

@Croissantly

Any examples of where someone has posted any of those statements posted?

Yes hundreds- and I’ve already quoted one above and mentioned the support thread.

But here’s one more delightful example

I'm starting to think she has Aspergers because she just hasn't learnt how to behave. I don't let her get to me anymore and just shut her comments out. She moans constantly and is critical of everyone and just can't and refuses to understand how wrong her awful behaviour is

So - amateur diagnosis based on inaccurate stereotypes commonly thrown about in MN describing what appears to be a very unpleasant individual.

But I’m not doing any more of your homework for you - and I know you’re simply taking the view that it doesn’t exist because you haven’t seen it.

Okay but any saying this?

I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low.

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

Abused and drugged

• yesterday there was a thread about medicating an autistic child. There was also one asking about ABA which is a discredited and cruel process for trying to make autistic children behave like NT children

I deserve to be bullied

Many autistic people are bullied throughout their lives. I was bullied at school and have had three managers in working environment bully me because I’m autistic. “We can’t accommodate you just because you think differently” - said to me this week. We get very little sympathy and understanding here. In fact when one of the first threads was started on this board an NT immediately jumped on said she wished autistic people would just own up to causing so many problems in relationships

The waste of space/burden comment -

This is how we feel after reading so many comments (like the two I’ve now quoted). It is hard to constantly read these types of comments without feeling completely unwanted by society and that support thread is just so awful.

Shouldn’t being born

• well there are many comments warning posters dating autistic people that they should be wary of having a child with them due to chance autistic of autistic child. And of course all the “MMR causes autism” - obviously a complete pile of shite but the fact is autism is almost always seen as a very very very undesirable condition.

Some of the abuse is direct but most insidious snide comments which reveal a deep rooted misunderstanding, ignorance and/or prejudice against autistic people. It genuinely upsets me and it’s so hard when we’re constantly told we’re wrong, it’s not insulting and we just need to realise the negative impact we have on others.

So yes it may have sounded dramatic but this IS what we face. Would be just lovely to have some support from people who don’t think like us, but accept us as equally valid humans who contribute just as much to society.

@Croissantly do you go to other boards on MN for certain groups and dismiss the OPs concerns? Or just here?

I don't know why people make such a beeline for these threads where the OP is obviously feeling awful and then try to persuade them that it's all in their head.

And can people please stop using the term high functioning? It's divisive and inaccurate - forvexample, I thrive because I have exactly what I
I need at work and at home. Put me in any other situation and I fall to pieces, I've been let go from a fair few jobs before this one.

@Scautish

I'm sorry, I didn't clock the board this was posted on, it just came up in my active feed.
I don't doubt that many of the comments on threads that equate bad behaviour with autism must be extremely hurtful and there's absolutely no excuse for people saying stuff like that.

But accusing NTs of wishing ND people dead, and saying that NTs think ND people deserve to be bullied, despised and abused for who they are goes far too far imo.

People hoping their child has an easy life without (any) disability does not mean they wish autistic people dead! It does not, for one second, mean NTs think autistic people should be bullied, dismissed and despised etc. Truly, it doesn't and it's upsetting to be accused of thinking like that. I have an autistic son who I adore, if it matters.

Sorry, realise I'm not allowed on this board so I'll leave you now as requested.

Sorry that other people's comments make you feel that you shouldnt have been born. Whatever they say, it says something about themselves, not about you!
Its easy to to feel strong enough for it not to make you feel bad. Psychotherapy can help with how you see yourself and boost your selfconfidence.

'High functioning' only means average or above average IQ. It in no way reflects the 'severity' of someone's autism. It also isn't an accurate description of IQ either because how do you assess the IQ of someone you cannot communicate with? Some autistic people are labelled as low functioning as children but are actually high functioning but unable to communicate that.

I also get upset that autism severity is assessed based on its impact on others rather than how it impacts the autistic person. For example, my DH is considered 'more autistic' than me because he doesn't really communicate with others, has no friends and is very isolated. Whereas I'm chatty and smiley and make friends very easily. But DH is quite content in his own world, he's not bothered by his isolation, he welcomes it. It's other people who are bothered by it. I however am in a state of constant anxiety, playing conversations over and over in head, unable to keep any of the friends I make with no idea why, always feeling disconected from society and desperately trying to fit. To the outside world I'm fine. And that's what offends me the most. I want to scream at people, to shake them until their teeth rattle, to try and get them to see just a fraction of what's really going on inside.