How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

[Hercisback]

I'm fine with my label thanks.

[Newrunner29]

I agree with the posts that talk about different experiences being that and i include myself when i talk about my daughters autism being a struggle and i would rather not have her struggles or mine. People r allowed to view autism negatively without being jumped on!

[Newrunner29]

One non ND person commented and suddenly their opnion is wrong, well im sorry but im ND and i agree with them . Yes hid board but please dont assume all ND people agree with u

[Imitatingdory]

I posted on the thread that was deleted.

I have autism, diagnosed as an adult. I also have 2 DC with autism (1 diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and 1 diagnosed with ASD but would have been HFA if he had been diagnosed prior to the switch).

I also happen to think autism is a disability, because, well, legally it is, which appears to be a sin on here and is one of the reasons I haven’t posted on this board before now despite wanting to ask about ADHD in adult women.

I have posted about this elsewhere on MN under another name but DS was recently physically assaulted at school by another autistic pupil for saying, when asked for his opinion, he would get rid of his autism if it was an option. He doesn’t see his ASD as part of who he is, but similar to a medical condition he has. Why shouldn’t he be allowed his opinion, he’s not saying everyone should think the same way but it is how he feels and is just as valid as those who see their autism as a positive.

[Croissantly]

I am autistic, well, I was diagnosed with aspergers but we all know the judgement that comes with listing that as your diagnosis so...

I wouldn't say that thread was autism bashing, whether the poster was genuine or not (I'm not sure how mn would ascertain they weren't when all they have is an email address but by the by), many partents of autistic children whose lives are severely impacted by their disability do struggle and face many barriers to accessing any support. I don't see them discussing it and reaching out for support any sort of bashing against me.

[ofwarren]

@Croissantly quite a few of us go by our aspergers diagnosis on here. Nobody has ever pulled me up for saying that.
On twitter or Instagram though, yeah they don't like it

[Scautish]

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation thank you for this thread.

I am deeply affected by the regular ableism directed at autistic adults without learning difficulties in this site.

I’m really aghast that some people say that there is no ableism. I regularly screenshot posts as I just can’t believe what I’m reading. Here is an example (if I share screenshot I think it will be deleted but happy to PM of anyone wants evidence!)

Ha yes I know exactly what you mean. Someone upthread suggested that the OP's husband either has Asperger's or depression. The worst, waffling, patronising mansplainer who loved the sound of his own wisdom spouting forth that I ever knew was also a man I suspect has Asperger's. Some men with ASD will be almost silent with no small talk skills, others will never STFU

It is utterly abhorrent the way some people not only view us, but feel free to post without a thought as to how we might feel about it, is beyond comprehension.

There is an absolutely massive problem with ableism directed at us (and now invading our space to tell us we are wrong). There are many lovely supportive and understanding NTs out there, but bloody hell there are some prejudiced fuckwits too.

[EatSleepRantRepeat]

Really good points @Scautish.

[Yuckypretty]

People r allowed to view autism negatively without being jumped on!

OK so is it OK if we view white people negatively? Or poor people? Or fat people? Or intelligent people?

[Branleuse]

I find the support threads for people in a relationship with an autistic to be far more offensive than parents offloading or support seeking.
People surely have a choice who they have a relationship with. If they dont get on with their partner then theyre allowed to split.

[Newrunner29]

@Yuckypretty

People r allowed to view autism negatively without being jumped on!

OK so is it OK if we view white people negatively? Or poor people? Or fat people? Or intelligent people?

Autism is not a person. Im allowed to view the disability negatively. In the samr way any other disability or condition can be viewed negatively

[Newrunner29]

Like i have asthma too , when i talk about asthma being super fustrating and negatively impacting me , im not talking about asthmatic people ! But surely thats obvious

[BringBackCoffeeCreams]

@RainbowZebraWarrior

When we were all campaigning for this board, someone mentioned asking MN that it didn't show up in 'Active' I think the Black Mumsnetters board had asked for the same thing. For similar reasons.

The downside of that is that you'll also lose input from autistic people like me who only engage with threads when they appear in Active. I get overwhelmed by all the different sub forums and become fixated on unread threads, feeling like I have to read them all. So I stick to just 'active' and 'threads I'm on' so I get a life beyond MN.

[Imitatingdory]

Yuckypretty So can fat people not say they hate being fat (because I do) without meaning they hate fat people? Or poor people say they hate being poor without saying they hate poor people? Or is it only autistic people who aren’t allowed to say they hate being autistic when they don’t mean they hate other autistic people?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Fat people can lose weight.

Poor people can come into money.

Autistic people's genetic makeup means they're wired differently which can't be changed. If I was wired up as a NT I would cease to exist as the person I am. The majority of autistic people don't have learning disabilities.

[ProfessorSillyStuff]

I strongly believe that autism is not disabled, but differently abled, even in some cases where global delay is diagnosed.
The disability comes from living in an environment that is so badly adapted for us.

My son is 5 and is non verbal and severely autistic. He was diagnosed with global delay. He's still in nappies, smeared, has pica and absconding and other issues, but I created my own methods of teaching him and he can form all his letters and numbers with a pen now, makes sentence fragments without copying such as "helping kids grow" "no parking" and "the end" and now he is responding to verbal requests more and began to use the bin and cup and fork.

The NT parents would be wise to listen to asd adults. We have very long memories and do our research. We often know many autistic people other than ourselves and have watched them grow from children. I have a lot more knowledge of asd than the professionals that have seen my child even if I exclude the life experience, including the educational psychologist, therapists and so called autism expert combined!
Asd kids need a proper ND education. What you're seeing in your child's communication and behavior is akin to what happens to NT kids in a Romanian orphanage imo.

[Scautish]

I find your posts are pretty offensive @Newrunner29. Whilst I absolutely recognise your right to talk about and seek support for your situation with your daughter - and I certainly personally am in no position to tell you what you should or should do/think/feel and recognise that looking after any child with severe learning/behavioural diffixulties just be in credibility hard - I do not think it gives you the right to tell the autistic posters in here what we are allowed to find offensive or not. Stop trying to frame our problems in your world.

And @Branleuse - yes the support threads are hideous and a prime example of the pejorative manner in which MNHQ view us. I’ve tried for nearly 4 years to discuss this with them but they rate the rights of NT partners who have self-diagnosed their husbands/wives as autistic over autistic people themselves. Disgusting but representative of the issues we face in the real world and not just online.

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

@ProfessorSillyStuff good points and observations.

[Imitatingdory]

Barrow whilst it is fine for you think that it is also fine for others to view things differently. And they shouldn’t be ostracised for thinking differently. DS3 does not see his autism as part of him, but as a condition he has similar to several other conditions he has, and he would get rid of it in a heartbeat if it was an option. He is entitled to that opinion the same as you are entitled to yours.

No one said the majority of autistic people have a learning disability.

The disability comes from living in an environment that is so badly adapted for us.

Not for everyone. DS3 would say the difficulties directly stemming from his autism disable him.

As I say I have autism too, so my posts are not just from an “autism mum”.

[Newrunner29]

Im not telling anyone what they need to think , im saying i have a different opinion and thats ok.

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Barrow whilst it is fine for you think that it is also fine for others to view things differently. And they shouldn’t be ostracised for thinking differently.

But in case you hadn't noticed, many of us are constantly being told our interpretation of being autistic is wrong because.......'my child is low functioning and my life is terrible because of it etc. etc. We're told we don't understand autism because we can talk, clean up after ourselves, go to the shops etc. We have the easy, fancy kind of autism and we're not proper autistics.....and so on and so on.

Do you know how offensive that is?

Hell, sad little trolls are even making up threads about it just to torment us.

Nice.

[EatSleepRantRepeat]

Glad to hear your son is doing so well @ProfessorSillyStuff. I don't know much about the Romanian orphanages, but a friends son as just been diagnosed with several learning disabilities, and it seems like he's been written off by some people, they have stopped making the effort to engage with him. I always chat away to him when I'm at theirs because the lack of eye contact and so on is actually more comfortable for me as well. I think sometimes our expectations are different?

[EatSleepRantRepeat]

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Barrow whilst it is fine for you think that it is also fine for others to view things differently. And they shouldn’t be ostracised for thinking differently.

But in case you hadn't noticed, many of us are constantly being told our interpretation of being autistic is wrong because.......'my child is low functioning and my life is terrible because of it etc. etc. We're told we don't understand autism because we can talk, clean up after ourselves, go to the shops etc. We have the easy, fancy kind of autism and we're not proper autistics.....and so on and so on.

Do you know how offensive that is?

Hell, sad little trolls are even making up threads about it just to torment us.

Nice.

I'm just trying to avoid those threads now @barrowinfurnessrailwaystation and sticking to our own board - they just won't accept that they're on the outside of this experience and that we will not centre them in our discussion. Some NT posters have this overwhelming desire to just plop on any thread they fancy and start spouting off, they must have literally nothing else better to do.

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

@EatSleepRantRepeat

True. I'm just going to assume they're troll threads from now on. It's a shame because the NT parents could learn so much from us which might help their children, but I guess that's not what they want.

[Imitatingdory]

Barrow I haven’t said they aren’t wrong in telling you that and generalising in such a way have I? Because they are. But you are also generalising and failing to acknowledge not all autistic posters have the same view as you do regarding whether autism is a disability and whether people can see autism (the condition not the person) as a negative.

As I said I have ASD myself, or is this board only welcoming posts from autistic posters with one type of viewpoint?