How do autism bashing threads make you feel?

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

Haven't had one in a while, but there's a pretty representative one going on in AIBU atm.

How do these make you feel?

I feel angry and go kind of hot and cold inside. I know it's not worth arguing on them anymore, but they're referring to me and my ds when they're saying the terrible things they're saying. Autism is who I am as a person, ergo I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to exist. I deserved to be abused and drugged when I was a kid. I deserved to be bullied throughout school and in adulthood. I'm a nuisance, a waste of space, a burden, someone who shouldn't be treading the earth. People hate me because of what I am.

Sure, people should have a space to talk about how their kid's difficulties affect them, but should they be allowed to generalise about the condition?

Autistic people who can express themselves, like us, are truly despised and dismissed. We're the lowest of the low by not following the narrative of autism is awful.

I feel bad for ds because this is how people feel about autistics

It's my birthday today. A reminder that I shouldn't have ever been born.

BringBackCoffeeCreams

I'm glad you are in a better place than Planet Fuckwit and can enjoy your time on Roundworld. I say Roundworld since the late Terry Pratchetts' Discworld provided a lens for me to tolerate my adolesence and actually make it bearable.

Also,
If I happen to be on a thread where the 'Do you think is autistic? is trotted out in bad faith I will state 'No talking about us without us'.

Are we married to the same bloke @BringBackCoffeeCreams? I've never gone for the macho bollocks either - I bicker with DH at times but he's one of the kindest, most intelligent men I've ever met. Mine doesn't have autism but he's very quiet, shy, and also very witty. He doesn't come on family visits with me because their behaviour totally stresses him out.

[quote EatSleepRantRepeat]@BringBackCoffeeCreams, I'm sorry to hear how you are treated by your family; that's horrible. I've had similar experiences. Some of my family were really horrible and I think that covered up my autistic symptoms to a degree until I became an adult. The amount of bullying I got from siblings, cousins, uncles etc from a young age first made me violent and then withdraw completely, including food anxiety. It was being sent to the nearby selective school at 12 that first introduced me to families where that wasn't "normal" and I started to mask to try and fit in, which causes its own problems.

I'd be interested to know how many of us were punished physically as children with hitting, shouting etc for having what we'd now call a meltdown. I react to stressful situations now by completely shutting down and withdrawing, because I'm worried I'll either get hit, or lash out myself and hurt someone.[/quote]
I was the same. I got a scholarship to a top public school and it was quite an eye opener to see how other types of families interacted.

I don't remember being punished for meltdowns. I always had shutdowns. I think this was a survival tactic as melting down would have been too dangerous. My dad used to take his belt off and we'd get 'the strap'. I was absolutely terrified of my dad.

I get upset when I see people talking about it like a thing they need to mitigate or eradicate. I don't think people quite understand that their child was never the neurotypical one they had in their head before they were born, and that they are lucky to have a child at all.

I'm really sorry @bringbackcoffeecreams - my dad was actually one of the few who were kind and loving but he had a hard job with long hours, so wasn't around much to stick up for me hope you're OK, it can be quite triggering discussing these things!

BringBackCoffeeCreams

Do any of your family ever try and get back in contact? I wonder if now they are missing a scapegoat they don't know what to do or that they are surprised you have the audacity to leave them - as in they cannot grasp why?

@EatSleepRantRepeat

Are we married to the same bloke *@BringBackCoffeeCreams*? I've never gone for the macho bollocks either - I bicker with DH at times but he's one of the kindest, most intelligent men I've ever met. Mine doesn't have autism but he's very quiet, shy, and also very witty. He doesn't come on family visits with me because their behaviour totally stresses him out.

Mine would still go. My family, especially my brothers, would take the piss in a sneaky, sly way. Like it's an in joke between them. They thought they were smarter than DH. But nothing gets past him, he knew what they were doing, he was just strong enough to not react to idiots playing their idiotic games. It upset me more than DH. DH once asked me why I'm bothered by their low opinion of him,. they work in dead end jobs in the village they grew up in, he's a top nuclear scientist. They're gnats flying around his head that he could crush in an instant but they aren't worth the bother.

@BringBackCoffeeCreams off topic but I don't think I've ever met a nuclear scientist before - if this were a proper mumsnet conversation we'd have people weighing in about how their DH was a brain surgeon or worked for NASA and pulling rank has your DH ever seen this Mitchell and Webb sketch?

@JohnMcCainsDeathStare

BringBackCoffeeCreams

Do any of your family ever try and get back in contact? I wonder if now they are missing a scapegoat they don't know what to do or that they are surprised you have the audacity to leave them - as in they cannot grasp why?

I get letters from my mother every now and again. They come in 3 flavours, the sickly how I love you and miss you so much ones, the angry raging how dare you do this to me ones, and then the ones that read as if we're besties who last saw each other just a week ago. Not heard a single peep out of anyone else. No great bust up,. I just stopped contacting them and they never tried to contact me.

Waves at EatSleepRantRepeat Here's another one although strictly speaking I'm more on the materials end!

[quote EatSleepRantRepeat]@BringBackCoffeeCreams off topic but I don't think I've ever met a nuclear scientist before - if this were a proper mumsnet conversation we'd have people weighing in about how their DH was a brain surgeon or worked for NASA and pulling rank has your DH ever seen this Mitchell and Webb sketch?

[/quote]

DH never tells people what he really does. I think that's his autism, he kind of assumes everyone knows. He tells people he works in recycling. Which is true. Only under interrogation wil! he share that his specialist field is recycling nuclear waste.

@BringBackCoffeeCreams @JohnMcCainsDeathStare my inner geek is in awe - especially given the Russian energy crisis at the moment, nuclear is a hot topic!

@EatSleepRantRepeat

I'm really sorry *@bringbackcoffeecreams* - my dad was actually one of the few who were kind and loving but he had a hard job with long hours, so wasn't around much to stick up for me hope you're OK, it can be quite triggering discussing these things!

I'm really good thank you. I've had a lot of therapy over the years and am now surrounded by nurturing people who all care about each other. It's taken 50 years but I have found my place in the world.

How about you?

I'm good thanks - I've hit the "It is what it is" acceptance after a lot of therapy. No point trying to change someone who doesn't see the problem.

I stay off them. I think you can't say anything. My own son has autism and I've had people attack me for saying why I thought (initially) he did not have autism. I thought yeeeeegadz fuck off, I've lived this. I'm still living it.

It's kinda hard explaning to people what I do for a living since everyday is a bit different - gofer this and gofer that. I now have a minion and a neverending supply of homework - considering how I hated homework at school I do it for a living.
So yes, I do a lot of writing, image editing, emailing (ooh the emailing), buying stuff, polishing things (yay for 6-sided mirror-finished samples) and fretting about vacuum furnaces and how to beg, borrow and steal time from other people's furnaces.

BringBackCoffeeCreams

That sounds almost exactly like those three reasons. Seems you are doing a lot better without them. People underestimate what an effect living in a negative situation has on your overall energy. I remember when I left my hometown I was in a euphoric state for a couple of weeks before it wore off and I got down to work at Uni.

My DH spends most of his working life fretting about students and how he's going to clean up the mess they've made and explain it to the safety officer.

My working life consists od pootling about in my garden, trying to avoid making eye contact with my lovely neighbours as then I'll have to talk to them.

@Comefromaway

I've not seen any autism bashing threads. Living with autism as a "high functioning person" for want of a better phrase is very different from parenting a child with high needs who may be non verbal, demand avoidant etc etc (I've seen both sides) and people need to realise that both of these lived experiences are valid.

Yes.

And life isn’t black and white as you are viewing it, OP. One person saying that parenting a child who has Autism doesn’t mean that they don’t love their child. Nor does it mean that they don’t wish their child had been born! That is a huge logical leap there.

Sorry, my post doesn’t make sense as I left part out but can’t be arsed to correct it. All parenting can be hard, loads of parents with NT kids post every day saying they aren’t coping with their NT kids. That doesn’t mean they don’t wish they were born!

Sorry, my post doesn’t make sense as I left part out but can’t be arsed to correct it. All parenting can be hard, loads of parents with NT kids post every day saying they aren’t coping with their NT kids. That doesn’t mean they don’t wish they were born!

Um, no. The language used is different when it comes to autism. I've been here a long time and it's been going on for a long time as have the threads complaining about supposedly autistic partners, colleagues and relatives.

Angry and upset mostly.

The worst for me is when someone describes a bloke being a twat and they get lots of "could he be on the spectrum" responses.

When absolutely NOTHING the poster described was in any way an indicator of possible autism.

My sons are both autistic and it hurts me that arsehole = autism in so many people's minds. It is so offensive.

Everyone's 'on the spectrum'.
No. Fuck off.

It hurts to see how resented we are. How we are seen as a burden. Barely tolerated. The source of misery for the Normal People forced to have us in their lives.

I just want to say to them fuck off out of it then. We're worth more than to be begrudgingly tolerated by you. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?

Gosh. That really does feel amazing to say!

And still they come telling us we are wrong.

They’re absolutely DETERMINED to undermine us. They are unable to reflect/acknowledge their own prejudice. That’s the problem.

It hurts to see how resented we are. How we are seen as a burden. Barely tolerated. The source of misery for the Normal People forced to have us in their lives.

I just want to say to them fuck off out of it then. We're worth more than to be begrudgingly tolerated by you. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?

standing ovation