Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

😂

I Googled asking when that look was popular for men:

The combination of stubble and a single earring became a prominently popular, mainstream look for men during the
late 1980s and throughout the 1990s. While earrings on men surfaced in mainstream fashion in the 1980s, the "rugged" look—combining stubble with a stud or small hoop earring—was heavily popularized by celebrities, musicians, and in1990s pop culture.

I'd reply "Wow, bit of a change there! Hope you're planning to shave before our meet up for a coffee."
If he's drop-dead offended, then you've got rid of him easily. If he shaves, turns up, and is actually better than the photos, bonus!!

A friend who did OLD for a while said it was ridiculous how inaccurate many men's photos were, some of them were obviously their wedding photos with the bride cropped off 🤣

He’s deliberately misled you. But yet you’re worried about upsetting him. Either just meet him with an open mind or if the beard is that off putting just say ‘ the beard is a deal breaker for me so let’s move on now.’ Don’t even apologise for him misleading you with distant photos and don’t give it any more thought. Only you know what your boundaries are not us in here.

“hey just letting you know I can’t make tomorrow, sorry, have a great day”
And you can stop replying from then on, you don’t owe anyone an explanation at this point

Right I’ve messaged him, I just said I can’t meet today as I don’t feel we are compatible.

To me a shallow person is only interested in the superficial.
Op already wasn’t sure about him from the chat but was giving him a chance. Now the picture confirms he isn’t what she wants.

Ironically if he says “I’m actually worth £20 million” and Op changed her mind about meeting him, that would indeed make her shallow.

Exactly no amount of money would make me change my mind.

I do not think you are shallow. There is a level of dishonesty in using old photos. I think there needs to be some level of attraction for a start.

Tell him that.

Be honest.

If the OP was mostly put off by his conversation and then also didn't like his appearance then I wouldn't class that as shallow behavior at all.

However, despite the lacking conversations, the OP was still all set to meet up with him, which certainly seems to indicate that this wasn't a deal breaker for her.

His looks, on the other hand, absolutely were a deal breaker. Can you reread the first post and honestly not conclude that that is shallow behavior?

See it as a lessoned learnt. Don’t chat with people you can’t see their picture. And don’t “settle” just because they’re the only person in your town.

“Gosh, is that you? You look so different! Unfortunately, you’re not my type.”

> OR maybe he's drop dead gorgeous and has posted a shitty doctored photo to weed out the superficial ones.

This is more common than you might think

Omg stop. People are allowed to be physically attracted, or not, to somebody. I do think maybe OP should still meet him in real life, in a busy public place, just to make absolutely sure, and then it will be easier to say afterwards that she's not feeling it if that's still true.

Why do my preferences in what I like in a male and what I am attracted to make me shallow?

On another one of my other previous disaster Tinder dates.

He messaged me saying he was there, but all I could see what an older guy meeting his description. He said he was 52 in his profile.
It turns out he was mid 60s as was planning to retire.
His photos were of him when he was about 50, so 15 years out of date. FML.

In hindsight I wish I said I had got lost and couldn't make it.

(It was a hike. A 5km one. After about 1km I thought he was going to have a heart attack he was wheezing so badly. And it was him who suggested it! 😂)

I can’t quite believe how many people were trying to coerce you into going out with him anyway.

There’s nothing shallow at all about wanting to actually be physically attracted to your date. Some of these comments are insane.

OP i dont think you are shallow at all. He clearly uploaded a more recent photo before meeting you because he knew what he had online was not a good representation.
Everyone has preferences. Doesn't make people shallow. You are only going off photos initially on OLD 🤷‍♀️

It doesn't. But people are going to come in and give you a kicking because you are just meant to accept scraps it seems.

Really, the bar is very low here for dating and relationships.

Keep your standards up girl.

When I was a teenager I met up for a date with some guy and he had bad shoes on, I said 'no thanks' and walked off.

Having standards is not shallow, not in the least.

Don’t meet him if you don’t want to, but do it sensitively. It would really crash my confidence if I had arranged to meet someone, then send a photo, and they say ‘ugh, no’.

It’s him that will have dodged a bullet

No she doesn't. We don't have any obligation to give every guy that crosses our path a chance. We don't have to go out with men we don't fancy, that's not fair. Wowzers is also an immature and hyperbolic exclamation.