Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Well I would imagine the stunning young women are with them for their money 😂

You're not shallow OP, we like what we like and this guy has turned you off. Make an excuse and break the date. Think nothing more of it.

Well, what were you intending to do tomorrow? Have a coffee, chat, walk, have lunch, …………you weren’t considering getting married and committing to this bloke were you??? No you weren’t so why be so shallow and judge him on appearance……you might be surprised when you get to know him. Remember, beards can be shaved, earrings removed……..shallow personalities will remain so.

It's a couple of hours of your life. Practice for the next date. Don't sweat it - you could miss out, you could be delighted. Got anything else on?

Can someone who doesn't think the OP is being shallow by rejecting this person based on their looks please tell me what they think the definition of shallow is?

"I do feel rotten and still haven’t told him! I hate lying, but I don’t want to upset him."

Although that's kind-hearted, you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, or worse, thinking like that when you are online-dating and have only chatted with this guy for a week. You don't want to upset him, yet he faked you out with his leading pics. He's deceitful.

I think he’s had old photos and now uploaded a recent one so you know what he looks like. I’d slowly stop responding, like slowly ghost and then say sorry I’m going to have to bow out, life has got in the way and I’m not in the right place or getting back with an ex, I’d not say I saw your image and don’t fancy you.

What do you think we did in the old days of blind dating?

In my much younger days, I remember meeting all sorts of men that I knew I wasn’t compatible with. Either looks, their jobs or even still living at home was enough to make me realise I didn’t want to see them again. Had I have know before hand, like you I wouldn’t have met them.

You're allowed your own opinion.

Don’t give a temporary excuse because he’ll still come back (when your shits have gone, for example). Just be honest and say, you’ve reflected and realise you’re not compatible and therefore don’t want to waste either of your time. Don’t try to justify why you don’t want to see him.

If you’re fine with misleading people, then you and this guy should get on, OP can pass his number to you.

the issue seems to be ear ring beard and you say he looks scruffy on that individual picture

i don’t think anyone has mislead you by growing a bread or wearing an earring
As for being scruffy thats one picture

honestly just cancel the guys dodging a bullet

He said he updated it as he’s recently grew whiskers 😂 his words, and I may not recognise him. Yes he looks his age.

Grew whiskers?

Is he a bloody cat or my grandpa?

But I thought you said you had standards? Now he's just a bloke that lives the closest

Honestly, imagine if a man said this because a new photo had been uploaded and she looks fat

Stubble and a hoop earring is just my type. If it’s not yours, either meet him and give him a chance, or make an excuse (I wouldn’t comment on his looks there’s no need to be cruel) and cancel - just say you have met someone else and you want to give that a go so it wouldn’t be fair to meet him, or something. It may be how you have written it here op, but you are coming across as really judgemental and shallow and I do think the poor bloke has dodged a bullet given the way you have spoken about him.

Aren't you meant to be meeting him today? Please don't ghost him or cancel at the last minute, that's shitty.

If you're really not feeling it, then message him and say you've decided to take it further with another date so won't be able to meet him and wish him all the best.

Just tell him OP and stick to the facts. He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted a close up photo just before the date.

Just say "you look different to what i expected in youre latest photo. To be honest, im not into facial hair and earrings. Im sure youre a nice guy. I dont think its a good idea that we meet today, I dont want either of us to waste our time".

He lied to her and intentionally misled her...

Exactly!
My DH has a stubbly beard if he hasn’t shaved for 2 days 😂

You could say:

"What next? An eye patch? Fuck off you pirate, you ain't getting your hands on my treasure!"

Is it a big hoop earring? That's unforgivable.

Just reply "Ugh" and delete and block 🤣🤣

...is what I wish I'd do in your shoes. In reality I'd probably go along out of politeness, hate the whole experience and shag him anyway out of pity. That's why it's just as well I've never done OLD!!!

Say you suffer from anxiety and today you're having a full on panic attack about the thought of going on a date, so you'll have to cancel. Add that you're going to take a break from dating while you seek further treatment so will wish him well to try dating others.

I will say this my husband is not amazingly attractive - I didn’t feel it physically on the first or second date. I liked him and mentally and emotionally connected - but not physically until like he held my hand and kissed me then I felt it!

You are an adult woman and can choose whatever you want to do. If you have cold feet you can tell him that you want to meet for a quick coffee or that you have changed your mind - your choice.

I know from my husband that it is bloody hard for the decent ones online to meet someone.

'Whiskers and earrings don't do it for me buddy. Hope you find what you are looking for. Cheers Muffin'.

But these are things that matter to me, had I known he has a beard and an earring in earlier photos I wouldn’t have entertained him. I feel I’m the one dodging a bullet.

Yes it’s big it reminds me what my brothers used to wear in the late 80’s 😂