Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Go for a coffee, you never know the pheromones might be a match! Attraction can be more than just physical and as others have said, it can appear out of nowhere at times. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Exactly! And a woman should just suck it up if she's not attracted to him, and go just to be nice. She should probably marry him too, to prove she's not shallow. FFS.

Meh, just block and move on. When it's someone you have never met, you don't owe them an explanation imo.

I wouldn't go either OP. I also dislike earrings on a man and this would feel the same as you.

I went on a date once and during the date I saw that he had a misspelt tattoo.

I too must have very high standards, because there was no way I was seeing him again after seeing that.

I didn't tell him the reason as what if he didn't know there was a glaring mistake. (it was a new tattoo, he showed it to me for this reason). I was not having an awkward conversation if I didn't need to.

It is now lumped into my list of bad Tinder dates.

Hi, thanks for the more accurate photo. Sorry but I’ve realised you aren’t my type and that we would be wasting each other’s time to meet up. Wishing you all the best.

You don’t owe him anything after he misled you, too many posters on here calling you shallow and suggesting it would be kind to give it a chance.

I say otherwise, he’s from your town and it will be harder to get rid after a date, and worse still, he will recognise you if you bump into him.

Just say, you’ve changed your mind, wish him well and block. Then breathe easily, the relief will be immense.

There's a reason the saying the truth hurts exists. Even when reflected from a 3rd party so you have to see it in yourself, and project a defence.

Looks aren't everything but if you really don't want to go, don't. You don't owe them anything, you aren't really friends because you have never met.

You have to meet someone to know if there is any chemistry though.
You can't judge that off a photo.

I once met someone online and we chatted for a while, when we met his photos definitely didn't do him justice but also were only a snapshot of how he looked.
He looked so different when he laughed and talked and was animated than a 2d photo.

I understand what you're saying but I also think you're being incredibly judgy of someone you haven't met.
Imagine sending someone a photo of yourself and them being "yeah no thanks"? 😬 You can't just go by looks on a photo, it's so superficial.

Unless you're a supermodel yourself OP give him at least a coffee, he might be really nice in person.

In 2002 I worked behind a bar and one of the door men was always chatting to me. I made his coffee every night for his break.
Long story short he is now my husband and we have 4 sons.
He wasn't my type to look at but his personality & beliefs aligned with mine and he is the funniest, most kind, caring & loving man i have ever known. A fantastic f
husband and father. Married 24yr in March.
if and it's a big if he makes you laugh, you have a good connection i'd meet up.
If there is no spark in your conversations me personally i'd tell him you can't make it and just block him afterwards x

Everyone is different with preferences but I wouldn’t bin off meeting someone who has a bit of a beard and an earring if we had been chatting over messages.
No one is saying you have to form a relationship with him surely it’s better to go and see how you connect in person.
You can then honestly say after the meeting if you still feel strongly about it that it’s not for you.
You’ve described a fair few of my male relatives with that description, I can assure you ‘despite’ the stubbly faces, earrings and tattoos they are amazing, kind and interesting people that most people wouldn’t mind having a drink with.

Poor bloke, go meet him anyway! Think of it like you are meeting a friend.

If you decide not to meet him, be honest why

I think you have to take some responsibility here too. If his pictures weren't that clear, why didn't you ask him to share better photos? You've obviously found him interesting to enough to continue chatting. In any case, if you don't like his looks, it is what it is. I always give someone a chance but given how severe your reaction to his photo is, it is unlikely that you will be able be polite when you actually see him- your body language will probably give it away.
Be kind and honest and let him know that you don't feel you have much chemistry and that you don't wish to take it forward.

He may not be as bad in the flesh. Not everyone is photogenic. I look completely unrecognizable on pictures. There’s no way in hell I’d get a date on tinder.🤣

He’s put me I feel in a very awkward position, had he had this photo on his profile in the first place, I wouldn’t have wasted the last week chatting to him.

I'm repeating the OP's opinion, not mine.

I’m not attracted to hoop earrings on a man, and stubbly beards, not my thing, there’s nothing shallow about it.

I think you are overreacting. However, just bite the bullet and move on. Sat that unfortunately you've changed your mind and won't be meeting him, but wish him all the best. You don't have to give a reason, just that you've had a change of heart. No need to dwell on this any further. Maybe change your profile re your preferences.

Frank, I'm at a loss for words with your updated photo. The earring and stubbly beard make you look stuck in the past. I don't think we're a good match. Bye.

Then, for the love of God, block.
Don't go out with him to be nice. 🤮
Jesus, he's an ogre and catfished you with pics that weren't a true representation of what he looks like. You don't owe him anything.
As women we're bloody conditioned to protect the male ego. Tell that pirate to walk the plank.

I do feel rotten and still haven’t told him! I hate lying, but I don’t want to upset him.

just meet him
how can his looks be so off putting?

I'd be more concerned about the un inspiring chat tbh. That's a real turn off. Combined with looks that doesn't fit with your type, just call it off.

Can’t believe how many ‘be kind-ers’ have piled on to call you shallow for wanting to date someone you find attractive. This guy has deliberately cat-fished you, hoping you too have swallowed the ‘be kind’ nonsense.
Agree with the PP- this is social conditioning in action. Resist!

goodness, is this cat fishing?
he has just decided to grow a beard,
men can do this sort of thing
it doesnt change them