Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Say no, you dont want to meet. Then block his number.

Dont give it another thought.

Are you that desperate for male attention that you’ll put up with being lied to?

Don't stress about it. This ugly man has tried to trick you into a date, you owe him nothing. It's no different to someone posting a blurry photo of themselves water skiing then posting an updated photo just before you meet and they are now 20 stone. They have been deceptive.

That was quick! Met in 2002 and married in March the same year?

Maybe someone should set up a dating app that doesn’t do pictures, for people who aren’t shallow. See how well that does.

Why encourage women to go on a date with men they don’t fancy? If she’s feeling charitable she can go do volunteering, she owes nothing to a stranger she’s not attracted to. He’s already wasted enough of her time by not posting accurate images of himself from the start.

It seems you’re ultimately saying a single woman shouldn’t care how a man’s image makes her feel before she arranges to spend time with him as a potential love interest. In real life she could meet a stranger who she was unexpectedly attracted to but she can’t meet every internet stranger she doesn’t find attractive. She’s already said their chat wasn’t great but she was taking a gamble because there aren’t many men close by.

I totally understand that the photo he sent yesterday has put you off. But both his whiskers and earring can be easily removed! It sounds as if his "whiskers" are a recent addition. Maybe the poor guy is simply trying to make himself look more interesting for online dating to attract more women? What concerns me more is that you have only spoken in messages.

I met my OH online. I only had a very fuzzy photo of him and he looked very overweight and not my usual type at all. After ten days of messages I phoned him. It was only after speaking to him I agreed to meet him and give him a chance. I fell in love with his voice.......

We have been married for over 25 years!

But I wouldn’t want him to remove them as that’s his style, I’m not looking to change who a person is.

I meant that good conversation isn't important to you in order to meet. You said it wasn't very good but you were hoping it might be better in person. Just to clarify what I meant!

Forget it now and move on. I'm sure he'll get over it...!

He’s just replied saying
“oh the whiskers put you off?”
saying whiskers is making me cringe anyway!

saying whiskers is making me cringe anyway!

Same here tbh!

I'm fed up with #BeKind. I'm Team Muffin here.

My type was, and still is, tall and thin, elegant, a dancer. I got the tall but he would have made a great rugby player, he'd do great as a bull in a china shop and he can't dance to save his life. Approaching our 50th anniversary!

I don't see what you have to lose meeting him for coffee once.

I would also hope that you intend to end up with a partner who values you for more than your looks.

I’ve just read the whole of this tread and I’m howling.

I would say yes, “whiskers” don’t do it for me 😂

Whiskers 🤮🤮🤮
Away with the weirdo!!!!!

Because attraction is essential to a relationship, and there's no attraction.

And the "you're so shallow" posters are also overlooking the fact that his having stubble and a hoop is showing OP that their tastes wildly differ, as she hates those things.
This would likely extend into other other areas too, so the likelihood of them unexpectedly being super compatible is, frankly, very slim indeed.

Team muffin 🤣🤣

i didnt like my dh maroon jacket when i first met him
i remind him of this many many years later

Does "Mr Whiskers"😂 know what you look like? You said you were interested in him because you live in the same town....... you might bump into each other! 😱

ooh curious
has he offered to shave?

I know! Although he said he doesn’t go to out town much so may be ok 😀

No all he wrote was that.

I had the frumpiest, ugliest, most wonderfully warm, soft and comfortable jumper dress years ago. Never left the house in it, it made me look like a sack of spuds, but for cold, wet, cosy days in or when I was ill, it was the best. Husband hated it (although he seemed to like the excuse to pull it off at bedtime).

It got mysteriously lost during a house move...

Ghost 👻 you don’t know him, it’s fine!

It is a bit bonkers because these things are easily fixed. If you don't like the beard or earring, he can remove the earring and have a shave - if the two of you get on well? That said, no one is forcing you to go on the date, so just politely withdraw. You don't owe him anything and its weird that you don't just do that.

oh well thats that sorted.

it does make me think maybe next time you consider meeting someone, ask them for a recent close up first.

if guys only post old photos from a distance this issue will crop up again…! so forewarned is forearmed.