Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

Boyfriend was being embarrassing in a karate class, she was so annoyed that she snapped and farted. I think the only explanation was 'I have IBS' but I may have remembered that incorrectly

@ineedsun

Boyfriend was being embarrassing in a karate class, she was so annoyed that she snapped and farted. I think the only explanation was 'I have IBS' but I may have remembered that incorrectly

Comedy gold.

There was a poster about 10 years ago who like to pop onto threads, make a wildly controversial or inflammatory comment then disappear. I remember another poster saying ‘ ah classics xx likes to bitch plop and leave!’

Cutted up pear still makes me howl.

There was a thread about self service tills in shops and how rage inudicing they are. A woman completely lost her shit with some potatoes and out loud called it a "stupid spud cunt" or something along those lines.

Fat match was hilarious

Also a comment about looking like a triceratops in a frilly blouse

And Richard 3rd with a new haircut

Really funny

@TomHanksintheMoneyPit

Bash tits on the keyboard and hope for the best was meeeeeeeeee!

It bloody was not! 😂 Howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway was one of my old usernames, ya cheeky bugger! 😂😂

Blurpblorp - snapped and farted. I can't remember how the OP responded to that. She was piled on by people asking her what she meant, I was pissing myself laughing 😂

It was just the way the OP so casually dropped it into the post, and didn't even bother to explain if that is what they intended for people to interpret. It was almost inconsequential to what the OPs initial issue was and yet they felt the need to mention it.

@MissisBee

One years ago about trivial annoying things your husband does. A woman described her husband turning over in bed "flapping like a great salmon"

I'm going to use that one from now on! I tell my husband he's turning like the QE2 but flapping like a great salmon is perfect!

VettiyaIruken

TomHanksintheMoneyPit

Bash tits on the keyboard and hope for the best was meeeeeeeeee! smile smile

It bloody was not! 😂Howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway was one of my old usernames, ya cheeky bugger! 😂😂

Ooooo, drama! This thread has just become interesting

My favourite inspired my username. Referring to a man's over enthusiastic clitoris action.

@minou123

VettiyaIruken

TomHanksintheMoneyPit

Bash tits on the keyboard and hope for the best was meeeeeeeeee! smile smile

It bloody was not! 😂Howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway was one of my old usernames, ya cheeky bugger! 😂😂

Ooooo, drama! This thread has just become interesting

😂😂

I also talk about the Mongolian blue spots my son had. And the shoulder dystocia that left my eldest with erbs palsy.

I was also revelsroulette on the penis beaker thread everyone hates 😂. I was quite proud when my plunge his knob into a bucket went viral. So so sad, I know! I kept that quiet for years cos it's so hated on here 😂

Nothing will beat Mexican house thief for me!

And VettiyaIruken I absolutely loved that thread, roared with laughter the whole way through!

@VettiyaIruken saints preserve us, it's an Angela Hernandez moment!!

TomHanksintheMoneyPit

VettiyaIruken

FIIIGGGHHHHTTTT 😂

😂😂

I found Mumsnet because I had as going through a miscarriage. I decided to stick around when I found a thread about staged washing up areas and a stunt pineapple. I knew I had found my people.

Mexican house thief had a post about a stealth bridesmaid that was hilarious.

Bride didn't want bridesmaids or pageboys. MiL wanted granddaughter to be a bridesmaid and got very snarky. Was put in her place but on the day the bride turned round to discover MiL had dressed the child as a bridesmaid and there she was behind her.

Can’t believe twatting a spider to death has barely been mentioned. My favourite part of that thread was the fact that, owing to the title being “I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death”, loads of responses were “you have not literally - oh, I see you have, carry on”

Whenever I need cheering up I think about baby Balonz

many of these, but some are new to me = thank you thank you thank you

I offer 'cube of poo' (can't do links, sorry)

Snapped and farted was hilarious. Just casually chucked in amongst the real point of the post. I cried with laughter, DH thought I was bonkers.

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

*Today 00:30 FlouncerInDenial

GenuineKlatchianPottery
A thread that’s now in classics.
OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge.
Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes”
OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.
If you'd read the thread, love, you'd know it was hedgehogs, not foxes.
Slightly cringing for you.

If you're going to quote something, at least do it with knowledge*

I’m frightfully sorry. I shall leave the thread forthwith and will never reminisce again.
Pfft

@GenuineKlatchianPottery Here’s a little song for @FlouncerInDenial — 🎶 Every party needs a pooper, that’s why we invited you🎶 🎶Party Pooper🎶 🎶PARTY POOPER🎶

I still smile when I think about the woman who sent her husband to the shops with a list that included loo rolls and he came back with 100 bread rolls.

Doing these from memory, so I'm sorry if they're not "with knowledge".

On a thread about lunch ideas for an older teen (long list of things the DD wouldn't eat), someone suggested an apple and a note that says, "Grow up".

On an embarrassing toddlers thread, someone told of the DC pointing at a lady's minge in the changing room and just saying, "Uh oh!" Still cracks me up.