Crackers you've read on MN

[MrsMarrio]

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me

I can't remember exactly how it was worded but a poster wrote about how she was laid on her side in bed with her boobs laid next to her! Really painted a picture and I could totally identify!

MNrs are the funniest, most acerbic lot I've seen.

Have enjoyed this thread enormously.

This is the craziest thread I've read recently:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_were_reading/4046416-Old-Lady-Christmas-Book?pg=1

Its such an innocuous, lovely thread: an poster asking for book recommendations for her 84 year old mum.
It descends, it what I can only describe, as the most bizarre posts of all time.

But very funny.....

I loved the saga of a woman who fancied her builder. Many characters were introduced along the way & I know many of us were singing "hold me closer tiny plasterer" for months!!

@minou123

This is the craziest thread I've read recently:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_were_reading/4046416-Old-Lady-Christmas-Book?pg=1

Its such an innocuous, lovely thread: an poster asking for book recommendations for her 84 year old mum.
It descends, it what I can only describe, as the most bizarre posts of all time.

But very funny.....

Absolutely bonkers 'but why can't she be like me' Poor woman just wants a nice cosy book about a bloody village!

[quote Blurpblorp]@GailsPlait nope, cooked.[/quote]
I genuinely can't work out if its weirder they were cooked or if it would've been weirder if they were raw to be honest! I didn't see the thread, did you figure out why he had sausages in his pocket? I can only assume he was trying to lure dogs...

@GailsPlait our daughter went through a phase of not eating when she was 3/4 years old & and sausages were one of the things she'd eat. We went out for lunch and took them as a doggy bag in case she got hungry on way home. He popped them in his pocket. In the original thread, the bloody balloon went up when I disclosed this was at a Toby Carvery

@minou123

This is the craziest thread I've read recently:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_were_reading/4046416-Old-Lady-Christmas-Book?pg=1

Its such an innocuous, lovely thread: an poster asking for book recommendations for her 84 year old mum.
It descends, it what I can only describe, as the most bizarre posts of all time.

But very funny.....

I missed this at the time but love how a thread requesting gentle book recommendations has someone declaring in exasperation, “ She's 84! She's not about to go off and bomb Pearl Harbour because OP bought her some James Herriot.”

I've just read the book recommendations thread and cannot stop laughing!

Bash tits on the keyboard and hope for the best was meeeeeeeeee!

@TomHanksintheMoneyPit

Bash tits on the keyboard and hope for the best was meeeeeeeeee!

😂😂😂😂

@Newmama29

“Snapped & farted” still brings me to tears thinking about it 😂😂😂

Yes I think about this one often too!

The one that got me hooked on MN was where a woman came home and found her neighbour had planted shrubs in the woman's garden. Much discussion ensued of the type of plant, but it boiled down to trying to fill the gap in the hedge/fence.
Someone suggested she put a life size cut out of Nicholas Cage there instead, staring at the neighbours. I still giggle about that now!

- glaring at DH at 2am while he lies there sleeping like a smug twat with his useless fucking nipples and I feed the baby again

@Gancanny talking about creasing not to have another baby “useless fucking nipples”

Thanks @Dontsaykwen, its one of those things the baby books don't mention. They should have a chapter titled "here is a list of all the things you will irrationally resent your partner for during the newborn days".

I posted 'Que' on the Manuel driving thread. Although there has been more than one of those threads.

So many threads in Classics have had me crying with laughter, even when I have read them before.

@BullshitVivienne

The clothing / style one when the post said she looked like a fat match.

Wasn't that " a fat match on toothpicks"? Or similar...v funny indeed

Just a fat match. I totally did, too.

@ThroughThickAndThin01

I am Canadian was brilliant. Was that the one where the OP was accusing her DH of not putting up the stair gate correctly?

Not quite the OPs directive but the thread that still sums up MN for me is the cross OP in a doctors surgery whose toddler was playing up told him to “stop being a whiny tinker” but the words which actually came out in the hushed waiting room was “stop being a tiny wanker” 😂

I totally love the doctors' surgery one!

In one of the many threads about whether or not people clean themselves up or change the sheets after sex, a poster claimed that she took a shower and changed the bed every time. Brilliant MN response from someone was ‘Why spoil the mood by having to leap up and clean yourself up? It’s your husband’s semen, not wheelie bin juice’ 😂

Also ‘snapped and farted’. I still cry with laughter just thinking about that one.

Love this thread, really needed this today.

The toothpicks one might have been from a post I read where the poster described her ExDH, who had left her due to a midlife crisis. Despite having rather a large beer belly, the midlife crisis had extended to him wearing skinny jeans. He looked, she said like " a planet on toothpicks."

What was the actual story with "snapped and farted"? Was it a typo? Or was the farting part of her anger, that she didn't think to explain?

Nothing beats the penis beaker, and I cannot think anything ever will.