I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

It's a dressing gown that used to be white and pink crocs.

I used to work with mannequins so I’m very good at wrapping and disposing of body parts. I also have an integral garage and a patio AND they are building houses or some shit behind my house, so plenty of opportunity to dispose of anyone we need to. I am not that close to a river but do the Fuckboys ever spend time near reservoirs? Or is that murderers? Can someone tell them I need a biscuit?

Ma olen lapsehoidja, ma ei ole koogid või parfüümi.

BHS very good indeed! How about some Albanian for Laska? Something like "please unsell and untraffick me".

I can no longer be of assistance. I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. I need a lie down

Monk you don't need to explain re the leopard piss and the toddler, it's happened to the best of us. We don't judge.

I'm very proud of you for going immediately to thoughts of life insurance re your late "husband". You've been quite Thigh all along haven't you?

Reg what an unusual skillz set! I can see you are a vital part of the team. Monk has decided to kill her husband. Perhaps you can advise her?

Reg Fuckboys are to be found by all sizable bodies of water. Not your fucking tinkling brook Monk!

Please please get a new thread when this one finishes. Im really tired now and being 4 hours ahead of UK time I must sleep. I dont want to wake up and find no thread! Also, I need help to handle DD ridiculous over reaction to an ant crawling up her leg. It was a big huge (not UK sized) ant to be fair. But she reacted like she was being attacked by a massive rat. After literally hours of hyper ventilating and screaming and sobbing she has gone to sleep.but refuses to ever return to her room again!

Need food, advise each other, you've had training. Remember the rules and don't forget to rescue Laska.

Ok, I'm breathing again. I'm not Albanian, so feeling small and helpless in the whole Laska situation.
But I'm going to reveal a secret to you all now. I'm Australian. Someone on about Page 6 mentioned Aussie experts. Well, that's me. As an Aussie, I feel qualified to deal with UAE's ant dilemma, the way we deal with all dangerous wildlife in Oz "If it's smaller than a cane toad, whack it with ya shoe. If it's cane toad or bigger, whack it with ya cricket bat".
I probably should have mentioned this back at the crocodiles

This is what happens when you say you're cruising for sex Laska. People take it literally.

ju lutemi të largoheni dhe të largoheni, unë kam një garazh integral.

Thank you getting somewhere. Does this advice also apply to DD who is still having a panic attack some 2 hours later. I dont want to appear unsympathetic but im looking at her size and opting for the bat.

I can't help thinking Thigh, that if someone wrote to you WAY back at the beginning "Dear Thigh, my friend has been trafficked by Fuckboys and is now a vanishing dot on the horizon, how do i rescue her?" we could have saved ourselves a lot of time and effort

Two hours later, UAE??? The bat is too good for her. Go straight for the integral garage

Getting it's possible, it's like schrodinger's cat though. We can't be sure that we wouldn't have spent 34 pages coming up with a solution.

I wonder if Schrödinger's wife ever put him in their integral garage?

I would think so, i mean what kind of man puts a cat in a box then thinks he's invented something?

Are you sure Laska wants rescuing? I’m assuming she’s laid down and has company, the silent sort. I can see the problem if there are no creme eggs or Archers where she’s going, but that’s a different problem.

Did Thatcher steel your milk Thigh? Maybe Tony Benn needed it more than you, for a socialist flask of tea?

All of them Thigh

She must have been totally freaked out, just in case she opened the garage door and discovered he really WAS still alive

I did notice a surprising lack of Fuckboys temporary replacements next to my tinkling brook.

UAE I can offer some minging green slightly melted carpet to assist in your situation, but fear logistics of getting it to you may inhibit the execution of the First Rule of Thigh, having a nice lie down. Frankly the cricket bat is your best option.

Help! I need some clarity on the rules of thigh.

I understand the "no guests" rule and also the "don't go outside unless it's sunny" rule but if I HAVE to see a friend tonight who is rather inconveniently having some sort of crisis, which rule takes priority?

If it helps I do have a bad back so if I stay in I could get away with lying down the whole time.

On the other hand my house is messy so I might feel obliged to hide tidy up the mess.

Has anyone noticed that not a single man has come to our clinic for advice? We had a Handmaid ask on one's behalf but she ran away. Interesting.