I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

I've seen Leopard Cats piss a bigger "stream" than that

We're down to our last 8 pages Cadre. What does our future hold? Should we be like Fawlty Towers and retire at the peak of our powers? It would be a tragedy if we eroded and morphed into AIBU.

But then, we are a NATION - The Peoples Republic of Thighland.

I'm torn.

I think we should be good anti-dictators and let the people of Thighland decide.

I agree we will be guided by the People.

If they truly love us, they will continue to follow us, wherever we may lead them. Except of course, AIBU. If we lead them there, they may kindly, but without hesitation, do to us what we have done to so many annoying husbands

I am awake but I think something is dreadfully wrong.. This isn't a river is it ?
Never trust a fuck boy called Steve ...

Isn't that Thighland back there ??

Laska you've been kidnapped! Yes, i knew we'd been breached, the dairy madness was the tip of the iceberg. You're on a boat, i think you've been sold and trafficked.

You're right Laksa. That is not a river. It's the ultimate place to dispose of forensics. Well done! Ignore Monk and her cat piss stream

Laska yes, that is the Peoples Republic of Thighland, i see the dreaming spires and the haze of halcyon days.

I have my 50m swimming badge .. but is lying down in water safe ( or comfy?) I still seem to have my PJ's on....

I would describe it more as 'tinkling brook' than 'fast flowing stream' but thinking about it I do need the body to be found (without forensic traces obv) for life insurance purposes, to enable lying on the sofa after mat leave instead of returning to shirk.

Incidentally the reason I was distracted and didn't notice inquisitive destructive toddler activities was because I was cleaning up Leopard Cat piss, but felt that issue had been adequately advised up thread.

Laska shout Land Ho! And see who shouts back. Also do charting and cartography so we can find you. Make a float out of your pyjamas by tying the ends and inflating it. Do you have a whistle?

We seem to be arriving somewhere.. it looks a bit scary.....

Look closely. Is there a bar, Laska? And does it serve gin?

I'm going to lay low for a bit to regroup...

Thank you so much, very helpful. I think I’d have the same outcome, for different reasons, from the Secondary people.

Laska do your captors have machine guns? Are the talking about The Order? Whistle Born Free and see if any of them give you a reassuring wink. If so you've just had a blackout and are going somewhere pleasant. Style it out and don't let them see the whites of your eyes. SHOW NO FEAR!!

BHS ok but Laska's been trafficked.

There are no other reasons, we gave you the correct answer.

Ditto what Thigh said, BHS. You can trust us. We are here only to serve our people. That Secondary lot have a secret agenda. They're looking for a new supply of unused perfumes and broken Lego for their fundraising tombolas. Don't give into them

I haven't had anything stolen from me today so i thought we were safe. But now this re Laska, I'm devastated.

I had 12 litres of milk delivered due to Elsa.

Laska have you been near umbrellas?

Why does Hellen always vanish just when we need her?

It is odd isn't it? Hellen disappears and i have a very serious security breach. Laska gets trafficked and sold and where's Hellen?

I'm hoping like fuck she's changing into her superhero outfit

Laksa you need to start getting all Shalmaneser the Fifth on the Fuckboys' arses - it's not too late! (Born free...)