I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Perhaps they fear recruitment as Fuckboys, Thigh?

More likely, they're scared of you, your lore, and the integral garage solution...

BishopBrennan, is your friend currently being rowed across the North Sea in a leaky boat by a group of machine-gun weilding Fuckboys who intend to sell her? No? There is no crisis. Lie down. No guests.

OK .. update,Yes I do want to be rescued but I am a resourceful woman and am trying to free myself.. !! Im alive but still not quite sure where I am. got bundled into back of Stupendous (I think NOT) Steves car (the treacherous bstd) . I think to be driven to the Mysterious Tower shown on my last photo..(I'm pretty sure its does not have Gin btw) ..

I have managed to take a couple more photos from the back of the car .. one just as we went up a nearby country lane and another as we approached the gatehouse .. They are not very clear but they may offer a clue to help you find me as you can see there are a couple of mysterious red lights ..(alien activity?) ..

Luckily I have a few (rather fluffy but edible snacks) in my dressing gown pockets and am feeling my way around this dark room I have been thrown in.. (Am using phone as little as possible to conserve battery and am humming Born Free under my breath to fortify my nerves) ...

(Fuckboys are v thick, btw, especially this one , he didn't think to search me..)

You're an inspiration to women everywhere, Laska. Stay strong. Have lots of naps

Have you had a chance for a lie down yet, Laksa? I think you should prioritise that tbh.

I thinkI was only on the boast for about 40mins.. i cant be that far from Beloved Thighland...

I am lying down now, have found what appears to be a sofa, and all seems quiet around here..
more regrouping ( and sbnack eating is needed) .. I really hope I dont run out of snacks . Luckily I am in good shape having Triple carbed before I went out last night..

Thigh I do love and Worship you but really, Cruising for sex does seem a tad harsh in the circs...(I know you have now renounced Fuckboys , and I promise if I ever get out of this , I am also .. .)

Please can you ask Hellen to get her sniffer dogs out? .. I found a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch on the back seat of car and tried to leave a trail as I went along. (managed to chuck a few out of car window, ) The rest i have conserved in PJ top pocket ...

I have found a Mysterious Bottle in my Dungeon .. Screw top luckily ,It smells like . I may try some..

Only on the boat for 40 mins FFS !! ( has anyone fixed the bastard predictive text yet? )

40 minutes? You’re in the Isle of Wight. Or you’ve done the Woolwich ferry there and back? All fine, they have gin and snacks both places.

Laska that spire is so reminiscent of St Mary's Church in Bled or Oxford. What kind of boats can you see? Punts or gondolas? Both silent so you must look!

Hellen really needs to give up work and cash in her pension. She's all that stands between Laska and certain death.

How's the 🍷, Laska?

Actually, stop with the drinking. How many Fuckboys are there? Are the contents of the bottle enough to intoxicate all of them?

There needs to be another thread. I still have a lot of reverse improvement to do. I was also distracted by a friend with a crisis. She needs Thighland even more than I do but I fear she may be beyond help, for example she walks faster than necessary, including up hills.

Thoslido. Up hills?! UP hills?! She walks UP hills? Is she being forced to do this by a "husband"? I fear for her safety. I just hope we're not too late

Monk I recommend a fuck load of bin bags and brown tape. Also none of this fannying around tipping the body in the river at night business. It interferes with lying down and it’s never sunny at night so no reason to leave the house. Be bold. You could put him out with the rubbish or take him to the tip in the car or something, and nobody will suspect a thing. Someone once stole a door from a diy shop I worked at. Just walked past the till with it and we all assumed he’d paid. He had not.

Oh Your Royal thighness, I feel really unreasonable, all the time. am I being unreasonable?

I cant see any boats, but out of the window I can see this . I think its a palm tree, and that wall looks scaleable..

I have only seem the one actual identifiable Fuckboy and thats the dastardly Steve.. The others had robes and hoods on (like monks..).

I need the for energy.. Getting .. Have you forgotten that Wine is an essential nutrient?..I am surprised at you if you have Also I am too psyched up for the alcohol to affect me unduly

What do you l think of the red lights ?( the ones from the car window. One above the other ? ) the ones at he gate house I think were our escort car

Thislido UP hills? .. Ive gone all weak at the though of it. My knees actually buckled then.. .. I must lie down again and have more .and a pickled onion Monster munch or two

Please dont mention that sort of thing again .. I need all my strength to get out of this

You're right, Laska. I panicked. I was so desperate trying to think up a plan that i overlooked the obvious. With the essential Monster Munch calories lying on the ground waiting for Hellen's dogs (Where IS Helen?), of course you need an alternative.
I'm not sure what to make of the lights, but if the Fuckboys start putting red lights up inside your room, its time to take some drastic action.

Btw, i turned off my predictive text and I've realised i only actually ever type half words and expect the phone to do the rest for me. It's difficult and exhausting typing out words properly and it interferes with nap time

Laska you have become hysterical.

For the love of Thigh lie down! Had you not gone out in the first place none of this would have happened.

Sorry your Thighness, I have spoken out of turn, I am new, but am a convert to your ways and feel the word of thigh running hotly through me.

Nakedscientist, your last post was almost reasonable. There is work to be done, but Thigh welcomes all those who genuinely desire Reverse Improvement

naked I am lying down again now, .. I know I need to conserve energy.

I was wrong about the fuckboys, I see that now,..

Roxaaaaaaane
You don't have to put on the red light
Those days are over
You don't have to sell your body to the night
Roxanne
You don't have to wear that frock tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right Roxaaaaaane

Nakedscientist, you don't happen to have "guests", do you? Unreasonableness is a common symptom of guests. The more closely related they are to you, the more extreme the symptoms