I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Ding have white wine to start, then red wine as a main course then white wine for pudding.

Can you tell me why my friends don't show up to things THEY arrange with me?? 🤔

Damn you are good. I've might have a mini bottle of fizzy in the fridge. Would this work as a pre starter?

Ding I may be a mere Novice in the Sisterhood of Thigh but I think that even I know that!! Both is the most appropriate answer ..Do not listen to any of that garbage about one followed by the other leads to hangovers.
If the white is in the fridge i start with that for preference.. make sure though that you have suitable matching snacks for each type handy ..
( and that you do not have to get up from the sofa to reach any of it) .. a wine sleeve is good if you have one to keep the white cool.

If the feral child awakes and cries just ignore it..(or get someone to put it out in the garden ) ,it needs to learn

Funky yes, they are bastards who have internalised this society's obsession with the next shiny thing. They don't understand about the loyalty and bravery required to be a good friend. They are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome and think they are Kardashians and are staying home to oil their arses and take photos.

Laska vg, you get a thmedal for that.

Hmm snacks might be a challenge. I've eaten pita bread and hummus already for dinner... I'm all out of pickled onion monster munch which is my go to wine snack...

Aaaah that makes sense! 😂

The wine is in the fridge... I will have to stop lying down to retrieve it but for the greater good I shall traipse to the kitchen.

Laska now do you see? Please deal with Dings ridiculous hummusery.

Funky are you sure they aren't on this thread? Maybe they have realised it's better to stay in and have a lie down.

Ok....,Ding, what ere you thinking? were you tying to ne healthy or something? This is worng and against the Lore of Thigh..

Hummus is Devils Slush.. it's a thick beige paste made of crushed Legumes FFS !! (dont you realise that these are akin to vegetable matter ?? )

Far, far too healthy!. What are you thinking of? In future if you want to 'dip' for Dinner then stick to Nutella (or marshmallow fluff) with sponge fingers for dinner (Cadburys choclate fingers are also allowed )

Well I can't be sure..... 🤔

But if they are then I have this message....

I AM NOT TRIPE!! 😂 I am a good friend.

oh darn. . bad spelling.. but you get the drift . I was simply Too Outraged to spell check !

Following the recent security breach evidenced by my stolen milk can I remind you all to be extra vigilant around sharpened umbrellas. Litvinenko lowered his guard, just saying.

Message received and understood! Wine is poured and a pack of Pom bears procured for a snack....

Oh dear Thigh I have taken my eyeboff the ball and am very woebegone in apoplexy about all the prepping required for brexit.

The happy space I occupied so fullsomly is all to cock now post visit to fuckboys as it hit me the volume of activity required for the prepping, I feel at real risk of losing the reverse progress I had achieved.

I fear i have been remiss in my support duties as a result also. I have however, put myself down for a nap after having read your thigh guru insights of yesterday to try to get back into that groove. Some small reversing...

Smother why are you worrying about Brexit? You don't need to leave the house unless it's sunny and then only to have fun.

"European Holidays" i hear you say. No - this is what Thomas Cook wants us to think.

Remember all the faff regarding laundry, packing, travelling, unpacking, entertaining, self catering, repacking, untravelling, unpacking and laundry.

NO you are not Patty Hearst, you are Ulrike Meinhof. Take Brexit lying down, it won't affect you.

Smother, Thigh already answered the whole Brexit thing on Page 1!! Page 1, I tell you! It's not like it's Page 17 and you have to sift through realms of wisdom to find it. There is no excuse for skipping Page 1. Ever. Go lie down and think about your behaviour.

My butter has been stolen now, this is too much. Clearly they're becoming very afraid of our movement. I don't care, I'll just have double jam.

I won't be silenced by dairy based terrorism. It didn't work with Aung San Suu Kyi and it won't work with me.

Laksa, your description of hummus has brought tears to my eyes. Either that, or it was the pointy end of an umbrella. I'm so proud of you!

Thigh, they haven't got to the C H O C O L A T E have they? Is our secret headquarters still safe?

Getting There's no chocolate, biscuits, cake, crisps, milk or butter. I've had microwaved soda bread with jam and black tea. I literally don't know what happened. I'm thinking they've found the vault.

I've just realised spelling secret words out one letter at a time doesn't work when you're typing! I hope I haven't given away too many of our dairy-based secrets 😥