I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

I'm not doing any work of course.. just relaxing in my seat.. just so they pay me .. I have taken on board your comment O Thigh and am working on a plan to force 'D' h to pay for the pleasure of my existence..

I feel your pain, Laska. The Fuckboys delivered my coffee to the wrong address AGAIN this morning. I'm not in much of a state to help anyone, but don't forget your manager is the one who is insane. You are entitled to work at home and have coffee delivered by Fuckboys if you so choose. You have RIGHTS as an employee. Demand them, woman!

As for your DH, don't forget about life insurance.

What are Fuckboys? Think someone else asked this but the answer hasn't sunk in.

Go down to the river after dark and you'll find out. Tell Big Willy I sent you.

Tell Huge Harold I'll see him in our spot later.

Getting i read your plea re the boy child and the pig earlier in great haste. When you said you were getting a lock i thought you were getting a rock. O how my infarcted heart sang.

I could get both lock AND rock, Thigh. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Mystery have you become insane? Are you a "manager" ?

This Aunt wouldn't give warm reassuring hugz, she'd tell you to keep your filthy hands to yourself. If you said "look Auntie! A pony!" She'd tell you to stop stating the fucking obvious.

Later of course, when you'd become interesting, she'd bung you a wodge of cash, get you a fake ID and teach you the difference between tax avoidance (sensible) and tax evasion (prison). She'd also show you the secret bridle path to the river.

Getting that's the spirit! A lock and a rock, you must put yourself first, don't let the boy child disturb your slumber. It needs to learn.

There's a bridle path to the river??!! I've always taken the long route via Mornington Crescent 😫

This is the view out of my office. Is it the right river? I went outside at lunchtime,but couldn't find any fuckboys at all

Still too much daylight. Fuckboys are napping

Yes, fuckboys need their sleep. They get a lot of exercise at night. Say hi to Enormous Eric when you go later

UAE i thought you hung with Girthy Gary?

Laska You've done well today and I'm exceptionally pleased with your reverse improvement.

I've given this some thought today and decided I can't let the following matter slide.

Yesterday you held up the fact that you had bought "a posh frock and some shoes" as a defence. What did this mean? What were you trying to say?

Was it a covert plea for help, was your "husband" watching your eye movements and this was your way of signalling that it's time to bring rope?

You mentioned "shoes" - would these have high heels? DON'T LIE.

Has your husband demanded that you bind your feet in order to replicate the erotic lotus flower walk? You've internalised so much societal double speak that you have come to love your shackles.

Laska we have to turn to a quote from Mao Tse Tung to illustrate your desired trajectory:

A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; it cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous

Thigh, we ARE the revolution. In a society that values woman for their looks and youth first and foremost, to the extent where people are having unnecessary surgeries on their bodies and teenagers are self harming, we remain faceless but are loved. We are funny, strong, intelligent women. We are what the world needs

O Thigh( Great One).. I feel that I may not have debased myself fully to your greatness, but .. I long to be part of the Great Sisterhood of Thigh, but yes, I have been unworthy, I know, by eating vegetables etc etc..

But maybe the factthat i do have a husband ( and mentioned him, forgive me, at the time i did not realise this was an Error). may have been responsible for the thought that i may have sinned also fashion-wise..
The Dress is in fact a linen sack.. (of finest comfyness and floppyness from the Toast lounge wear range.. Posh in only that it was ££ - believe me he will not like it ) The shoes are flattie sandals, but in a cheery rose gold which make me smile , (and he would say are just 'so me' with a look) .. He would like me to wear heels (being a mere male) . I do not..

However sometimes I think I should, to assert my dominance, as he is already shorter than me without them .. however i would not want to encourage him too much , he is no Fuck boy .

Please can I report that today instead of 'proper vegetables' I had chips for dinner and red wine? .

I have realised that as our river is tidal, there will be no Fuckboys present , as body disposal is not really possible , due to mud flats.. I will look for them at another river .

I have proof that we are under surveillance. There's no milk in my fridge, there isn't even back up UHT (for the apocalypse). This isn't possible as I had 10 litres delivered by Fuckboys last Thursday.

I had weak tea with sugar in a Sports Direct mug, nothing stops me.

Thigh, this is serious! Are you sure you don't just have a baby or a cat???

Getting you know what our National Anthem and mascot is don't you. "Elsa's Theme" from Born Free. A lioness born in captivity yet released in the wild to thrive, roam and throw off her shackles.

Getting of course i don't have a baby or a cat. I'm not a lunatic.

Laska you're in, you demonstrate a sincere desire to change. If we hear anything about sister wives though we're coming round and your "husband" is toast, just like your frock.

Thigh can you help. I'm already lying down and by some miracle my feral child is already asleep... i have a serious decision to make... red wine or white wine. Please help.