I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Who is the enemy though? I mean specifically, who breached my system? Where's Hellen?

One thing that has been troubling me... After we use the pigs to dispose of the last of the evidence, how do we dispose of the pigs?

Hellen vanished at around the same time that all this dairy intrigue began....

And it was Hellen who suggested pigs wasn't it?

Does Dark Fruit Cider count as a vegetable? Asking for a friend.

No!!! STOP!! DON'T FEED ANYTHING ELSE TO THE PIGS

I had high hopes for Hellen, I've worked with her before. She's a drinker (no judgement), but she has an awesome dog.

She is a policeman, although i suspect she's just in it for the sex and pension.

I'd count cider as a fregetable thereby double plus good.

And so that she knows how to get away with the perfect crime

Another thing Hellen said re body disposal was to buy an old car. This would leave a paper trail, why didn't she tell us to steal a car?

Look, Hellen's loyal to the movement. Let's not don our robes and hoods and erect a burning cross on her lawn just yet. We'll see if she has an alibi when she's finished with villains.

How do I carefully break it to dumb and dumber at work that I need them to stop trying to get involved in that one contract as I'm already in charge and have appointed capable deputies and don't need them to put themselves into the picture because they're idiots but without telling them that it's because they're idiots which is literally the only reason why them taking care of the situation instead of my people is not a much better idea?

It would be politically inopportune to nail my colours to the mast on the them being idiots front. It's what everyone says - I'd prefer for somebody else to take the plunge regarding it being to their faces.

Oh shitcakes! Someone wanting some actual proper advice again.

Slanted it's unclear from your post whether you are a manager or not. Please explain so that we can tailor our advice.

My ex neighbour threw dog poo into my ex garden because she is a biatch. Now that I’ve safely moved away, how can I get my revenge?

That's what Laskas for, she's trained now.

LASKA see above, get to work, we're planning at a high level.

Umm... Thigh, I'm a bit uneasy about the whole "planning at a high level" bit and delegating to Laksa. Doesn't that make us MANAGERS????

Getting something has been troubling me. Now back at page 1, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, i set out my stall as a kindly nurse. I've changed, the mission has changed. I feel i must do a fearless moral inventory.

Have i become....too harsh? Too...uncaring?

Getting oh fuck, thank goodness you caught that. It's this continual revolution that Mao talks of, activists become leaders and then the cycle begins again.

Yes, I'm a manager - regrettably, so are dumb and dumber. I manage the overall area. Dumb and dumber manage work of type X that I have a demand for.

Seeing as dumb and dumber are unfortunately themselves, I've resorted to finding and employing my own version of what they do on the grounds that I'm somewhat attached to my sanity.

FWIW, my boss says he'd love me to make this into a power play situation and win. That's nice for my boss, but I'm pathologically polite.

I hate to break it to you, Slanted, but you are insane. "Attached to your sanity" is a classic case of denial. See a therapist ASAP. One that has one of those long couches so that you can lie down

Thigh, I was going to say that any harshness was for "The Greater Good". But that makes us sound like Dumbledore and Grindelwald. Let's learn from their mistakes and handle the dog pop throwing ex-neighbour ourselves

Dog poop

I'm perfectly okay with denial.

The impact of denial on world history can hardly be overstated. Had it not been for the fertile flood plains of denial, ancient and classical era civilization might have taken an entirely different path.

Just saying.

Laska i humbly beg your forgiveness for treating you as a servant rather than a collaborator. In mitigation may i offer the dairy based theft I'm recovering from.