I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

spring I'm sorry about your knees, that sounds painful. As the Dr said it's exercise related can I recommend lying down? I've never had a sports related injury, i attribute this to doing so very little.

Thigh, I'm lying down in bed. I even found some warm fluffy bed socks. I know I need to get to sleep, but I'm already up past my bedtime reading your wise advice. How do I deal with the addiction I am developing towards your sage words?

Also, I am single and don't have a garage. Which will I need to acquire first? The husband or the integral garage? Is it possible to get both as a package deal? Do they come wrapped in plastic?

Getting if you conserve your energy sufficiently throughout the day it's not important to sleep "on time". Put yourself down for naps throughout the day then use bedtime for extra resting. Read your kindle and bollix around.

Stay single, relationships are boring and people want you to do shit when you don't want to. Fuckboys are to be found by the river collecting plastic sheeting. Found out for a friend.

Thank you, Your Thighness. I feel liberated. I have spent my entire life believing the falsehoods that I need to sleep at night and that my aim in life is to get married and live happily ever after. Funny, I don't remember any of the Disney movies I watched as a child featuring Fuckboys... Although they did get the whole "sleeping for a hundred years" bit right.

Getting Whenever you feel sad about not being married remember this lovely song about Elsa the lion from the film Born Free:

Born free, as free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart
Live free and beauty surrounds you
The world still astounds you
Each time you look at a star
Stay free where no walls divide you
You're free as the roaring tide
So there's no need to hide
Born free and life is worth living
But only worth living
'Cause you're born free
Stay free…

Pick on the most troublesome one and praise her knitting skills or some shizz.

Am loving this thread and am trying desperately to think of some incredibly important yet not life threatening problem. 😍😝🤣

Maelstrop don't worry, I will look after you until you think of something. Stay lying down, then have a nap.

This thread has made my day. Thigh you should write a self-help book

This thread is everything.

Can you help me? My 12 month old baby thinks sleep is for idiots. My mother in law is visiting today. How do I sneak a nap so that I can avoid her for a bit and make up some of last night's sleep debt?

We've just had the front half of our garage converted into an extra sitting room and we piled all our shit into the back half. Now they've finished but they've just built a wall across with a door but the stuffs piled so high in there we can't actually get into it. My brexit hot dogs are in there and I'm getting anxious. Help.

Am thoroughly enjoying the fact that I (entirely accidentally) read the whole thread whilst lying down

DS1 is turning into a right Kevin (the teenager). He is only 8yo, and is not called Kevin. How do I convince him of the benefits of politeness without having to resort to shameless bribery? Nothing against it on principle but it gets expensive and I need all my money for gin home improvements (currently residing in a large hovel)

This is honestly the best thread I’ve read in a long time, I never want it to end!

Thigh for PM!
Or a damehood?

Dame Thigh Of Relief?
Lady Thigh?
The Rt Hon Thigh.

Thigh! I've been reading this thread since page one and have been absorbing all your advice. It has changed my life!

Unfortunately today I need to produce two cakes. Both vegan. One gluten free. Any previous attempt to do this has failed. They end up looking like the contents of a swamp

Is there a solution? Does it involve lying down?

Kick if the op will permit, I do have a quite passable vegan sponge cake recipe. Unfortunately it cannot be made lying down but does taste quite nice :)

Ooh yes please contessa. Although i will wait a few hours before going to buy ingredients in case the OP has a more horizontal solution.

Thigh, my 6yo DD has announced that she wants to make a junk model toothbrush & toothpaste. She has elaborate plans on how to do this which she outlined while I wasn’t listening. How do I a) fake that I was listening enough to provide what she needs, b) avoid ending up with a load of junk covered in glitter which needs to be preserved for ever, and c) avoid DS (3) joining in too and doubling the whole disastrous situation?

Thanks v much in advance.

divinevegan.com/recipes/desserts/vegan-sponge-cake/

There you go. All the ingredients are fairly standard - ignore raw anything or interesting rare unicorn tear stuff. Your bargain basics work well! Sainsburys do vegan dark chocolate chips, if wanted

This still here In chat ....I nominate classics so thighs top tips and solutions don't go pop

Oh wise one, should I jack in my job? The role I do is completely different to how it was described in the advert and job description. It's very boring. It doesn't use any of my skills and experience. It serves absolutely no useful purpose whatsoever. It's low paid and all of my mates are leaving. It was clear it was crap from week 1 and I'm now 6 months in. We aren't reliant on the small amount of money it brings in. On the plus side, it's a 7 minute commute. What do you think?

Jingle you do sound like you need a nap. Is your child being a bastard? I would suggest you fake a small illness like "feeling fluey" and go to bed for the whole day. Your MIL will look after the baby and possibly do a little light housework. Don't overdo it in case she stays, unless you fancy a week in bed in which case fake labyrinthitis.

Awks buy more hot dogs and don't worry about the Brexit ones. Never worry today about that which is likely to happen another day.

Requested a move to classics.

Neolara why are you working unless you would die without the money? Don't even serve notice, phone (if you can be arsed) and say you've developed multiple personality disorder and it was one of the other yous who took the job. Say you would discuss it further but you have signed the Official Secrets Act and for them to even ask you is illegal and treason.