I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

My knees really ache and are making me abort my sat am lie in: solutions?

Contessa find the nearest military academy and enrol your child immediately. Give a false address, save yourself.

Kick why are you baking? Do you have guests coming? Keep your door locked and the curtains drawn. If you're doing it for fun to eat by yourself well OK. can't you have cakes delivered?

I need a job but I have stomach issues and fart a lot

Thigh it's for a fundraising event that I stupidly agreed to help with back in the dark ages before you started this thread. Of course now I've see the light I will never do anything so foolish again but I feel I need to honour my commitments.

Don't worry though. I'm not letting anyone into my house.

Judge NO glitter. Your girl child may make this shizz in the garden, garage or shed. This should be done alone, why should you suffer for her madness? If she is making a castle question her closely. If she's playing Jutes v Angles that's fine. If she mentions Prince Charming smash the creation. It seems harsh but you understand why.

Your child's TV watching needs adjusted. No Disney bollix unless animal based. Try to stay away from cartoonic shizz and watch good stuff with real animals ie Born Free.

Kick ah, go to your local Tea Shoppe and buy these cakes. Mess them up slightly with a fork and your teeth and present them as your own work.

Contessa stand by to insert recipes at all times. Firstly the poster must prove is not for guests though. Well done.

naked have a bubble bath and then a post bath nap.

slippery may i recommend dog walking? Dogs like farts.

Thigh you truly are a genius. And I can also enjoy a cup of tea and a slice of lovely cake made with proper eggs, butter and delicious gluten while I'm there

Oooh I'm a bit fat too so exercise is s bonus genius!

slippery if you can get around without a motorised bariatric wheelchair you are not fat. If you need one of the above move to Hawaii and wear a muumuu.

For interested PPs MNHQ replied that it is indeed a 'gem' of a thread and has provided them with some light relief. The reason it's still in Chat for now is so that more people see it and can contribute.
HTH am now off for a little lie down

star really? Can you post their response here? They never write to me, or respond.

Tjighofrelief - you advice is brilliant. I will follow it to the letter on Monday morning. Many thanks.

Neolara I actually think you should resign by postcard instead, phone calls are boring. Sign it Sybill/Brian and don't forget to mention the OSA and treason. Breaking the OSA didn't work out well for Guy Burgess did it, and your ex-manager should be aware of that.

How do I get a bloody job that isn't minimum wage

ssd dog walking on a self employed basis pays above minumum wage.

Sounds like a good idea , only I don't fancy the farts

Re Classics - I've given this some thought while I was on the loo.

I don't want this to go in Classics as that is where threads go to die or be oft quoted in reverential tones ie penis beaker (which isn't funny people just reference it to show that they are old timers).

This is your thread as much as mine and a living, breathing, mutable entity. What if you have a problem next month and are forced to throw yourselves on the mercy of AIBU?

NO! We want a section called "Thigh's Relief" and a good section not tucked away in "site stuff" or "other stuff" like an online Miss Haversham. We want it right beside AIBU - separate but equal.

MN are dictators who are turning us into sheep. We all bleat "Classics, Korean Lady, Penis Beaker". Rise up people, we want change.

Not all dictators are wholly bad, Enver Hoxja did a fair amount of good and I would put MN in that camp rather than alongside Chiang Kai Shek, all is not lost.

I'm willing to adjust my demands a little. I'm not Madame Mao, I'm not insisting that I be appointed leader of the Central Cultural Revolution Group. Not yet.

It's sunny I'm off out with the dogs and to find some cake to keep my fatness levels steady.

Keep your fluids up and rest. I'll solve your problems on a first come, first served basis later.

Feel free to solve problems amongst yourselves, I'll look them over when I'm back.

Remember the rules though:

Lie down
No guests
No one is too fat or too thin
No one gets told off

I’d like some careers advice please.
I’m middle aged and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I like sitting down, Netflix, animals and chocolate.
I don’t like people (particularly loud dramatic ones), unnecessary exercise and cabbage.

Hot Cheese retrain as a dog groomer and also offer dog boarding in your home.

Thigh on reflection yes I completely agree re the classics

This should very much stay in 'currents'

And not be tarred with the same old Yada yada....

Enjoy your walk and