I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

icould this breaks my heart, why is your husband such a whiny like bitch? Can't he go out to play on his own? Why would you watch something outside when you have a television? Looking at this from socialisation viewpoint i would guess he "loves" you and wants to spend time with you. Could you go out on the lash together and have kebabs? Ask him if he really has to be such a sissy and tell him you'll go on the piss and have a kebab but none of that other girly bullshit.

^^ little bitch obvs

maidofeyes

Sadly just back ...though have to say the "cheap" booze lulls one into a false sense of security.
You think you're saving ,but gluttony took over and I've come out £60 lighter
Pornstar martinis tonight tho! Shall I courier you one over?

Have to say this thread has cheered me right up will have to read entire thing again later for maximum chuckles.

My cat has left 5 dead mice under the trampoline (the fucker). I probably should be crawling underneath to dispose of them before the one that’s gone all funny traumatises the kids, but I really don’t want to. Plus I have no chocolate.

Thigh

Just one more then I'll go drink my
Martinis and forget to come back....

My cars engine warning light has come one and the garage are not suitably technically enabled to locate the source of the issue.

Should I pay lots for an auto electrician to come and purse his lips and suck in air while he slowly drains my bank account
Or should I ignore it and pretend I didn't see it?

hellen pop a little sticker over it. What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over.

Oooh yes please hellen, I wasn't expecting anything at all, so a pornstar martini would be smashing.

I've also never found Aldi particularly cheap, for the exact same reasons, I get totally carried away and even buy nice snacks for the kids shit loads of red wine, which last around two days same for wine as they're so bowled over by the novelty of it not being supermarket value brands.

disclaimer, I don't buy supermarket value red wine, I do have some standards. Plus I'm not sure they sell it.

Someone keeps putting dog shit on my car when I park on their road. I'm legally parked!! What can I do.

What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over

I thought I was the only person on earth who knew this phrase. It is pretty much the maxim I live my life by.

@Ipswichwitch are any of the children boys? If so, they’d love to find a dead mouse. Four would be a real treat! They could provide chocolate as a thank you. If not I could lend a scientifically minded 6 year old and a generous 5 year old who can steal the chocolate from my 11 year old to share with you in exchange for a dead-mouse viewing. 6 year old will bury mice after thorough examination and provide a funeral complete with obituary.

I could lend a guitar (OK, ukulele) for the funeral service.

You're welcome!

Howmany, both are boys - one would find it fascinating and both bore and disgust his poor teacher at show and tell given half a chance; the other would be traumatised at the sight of blood (suspected asd and it’s an obsession at the minute!).
In the interests of both my and DS1’s teachers sanity I’ll glay take you up on your offer. I’m bloody desperate for chocolate and it’s now too dark to attempt decomposing mouse recovery. Plus I was all grossed out watching evil cat play with the remains earlier 🤮 which is how I discovered them. Maybe medicinal gin is in order..

I've been trying to think of a problem for Thigh to solve so she can send to lay down for a bit.

Thigh, I had almost entirely decided on a nanny, as per your suggestion, but then realised I'd have to let her into my home! What should I do?

I can send them both over. Do you have a torch? I can’t send gin, because the 11 year old is too young to have any to steal and anyway the 5 year old only takes sweet stuff and cold hard cash.

This thread is brilliant 😂😂😂 Sadly I have no problems or questions as I'm completely perfect 😂😂😂

I posted about not being able to sell my house about 10 pages ago (wandered off for a recuperative lie down, obvs).

I need to sell to get DS into a school where he is less likely to turn into a crime lord. He is only young, but already shows strong leanings toward the dark side.

The house is lovely but on a main road. Could I perhaps divert all traffic somewhere else? Then again setting up a blockade sounds very tiring. What should I do?

Ipswich perhaps you could deal with it using my patented picking up dog shit from the garden method?

Fashion makeshift gloves out of Tesco bags. Put several on each hand and then deftly turn one of them over on the mice. Thereby making a multi rodent body bag. Put them in the outside bin. Gross.

raven have you noticed a tall dog walking by? Is your car green?

Reagan tricky as you should only let slobs in your house if forced to let anyone in. Pick one that does light housework or at least cleans up after filthy child. Subvert and control the nanny into feeling sorry for you so she does a good job and throws in some extra housework.

Project think of it this way, if your child has the propensity to be a crime lord they are likely to be very intelligent, console yourself with that.

The main road is a problem but you were mug enough to buy the property and someone else will be too. Use the most aggressive estate agent in your area and become a burden to them. Pester them at least daily asking for their plans, feedback and advice. They will grow to hate you and be desperate to get you off their books. Send a card saying Thinking of You - menacing but not illegal.

Perfect thigh thank you.

I suppose if DS does become a crime lord I can get him to menace the agent.

My knees hurt so badly.
They have hurt on an off since I was a child.
I have been to doctors about them as a young teenager and was told it was just exercise related.

I'm early 30's.

I haven't had much pain in recent years but since about a month ago it's been on a n off unbearable.

@ProjectGainsborough, I'm imagining your ds dressed like those little tinkers in Bugsy Malone. Get him a spud gun to go with it so he can terrorise estate agents. We'll cheer him on from our supine positions