I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Not thigh but here's my suggestion: are there llamas on the farm? They are nice and fluffy and so make a comfortable base for a nap. If you get cold just pull a second one over you.

Oh ho disrespectful. My friend is very "propah" and can barely tolerate DC running round laughing. The friendship would be over. It would be a good way to go though. Llamas are very soft.

Thankyou so much, I went with the IBS route as I decided that could be used at all future times of need and if I made use of the integral garage who would take the bins out and check the DC when we get the nit newsletter home

You are amazing Thigh, I found a panda bobble hat under the sofa and stuck both feet in it. I have raised my children well. Ommm.

I am a Follower of Thigh, most things can be solved by a nice lie down and not opening the front door.

I'm helpless with laughter. I feel like Mugsley from Wacky Races! I've requested this for Classics for the next time I'm feeling blue.

Hello Thigh
I have a work-related problem. I'm in charge of a big project and my staff are rubbish so I have taken control of it myself and come up with a really good solution. The trouble is I am the only one who believes in it and everyone is fighting like cat and dog and so now everyone at work hates me, Where did I go wrong? Someone suggested I might learn a foreign language to broaden my horizons a bit and to read a book called 'How to make friends and influence people'. Is this wise do you think?
Thanks in advance.

I'm channelling my inner thigh.
I've put my back out. So.... I'm lying down!

mystery ugh, what's wrong with people? Having to celebrate your own children's birthday is bad enough but someone else's? Vom Vom.

Anyway, this is my solution. Keep casually mentioning to your DH that your friend thinks he's really manly looks very strong. He will preen at this and lose perspective. On the morning of the party cry and say you're peri menopausal and shedding your womb lining. This will sufficiently disgust and frighten your DH who has secretly been wanting to show off his manliness to your friend anyway. Think ahead and have snacks prepared for your day of peace.

Grinchly oh dear. You have a friend in me but you have some very serious problems. I will work through them with you.

Due to being a manager you have become insane. Do you get the urge to shoot people in the face if you see them reading or wearing glasses? This means you are suffering from Pol Pot Syndrome.

You need to hide your insanity and get your team back on side. Go into work on Monday with a lot of Krispy Kremes, a variety pack not just the glazed bollocks. And enough means two per person. You can expense this as "staff welfare" but should you? I think you need some penance here.

Wait till your team have mouthfuls of doughnut and say that you appreciate their support during this enormous project. Pick on the most troublesome one and praise her knitting skills or some shizz.

Tell them someone very close to you is dealing with something very, very terrible. You would love to give details but it is sub judice and you aren't legally allowed to.

Oh Thigh thank you very much for this excellent advice. I have never had these 'Krispy Kreme' confections of which you speak. They would play havoc with my diabetes.

I will put your plan into action on Monday and meanwhile have a little lie down.

Doughnut means Doughnut!

She's a breath of fresh air, she is!!

Just wanted to updated thigh, am thrilled to see you are still helping so many that would be suffering and struggling on alone without you!

So, yes, I have heeded your wise words, and actually find myself on my sofa, lying down, looking at all last night's cereal still stuck to my sofa.

So, I am extremely impressed that thanks to your words, 1) I seemed to have completely forgotten about it 2) my front door is locked so no-one else will see it 3) I have sufficiently lowered my standards that I find I don't even care, and 4) am delighted to report that I have all this leftover food stuck on the sofa thst means i can eat and not have to get up!!

I call that win, win.

Thank you thigh. It's too late as today has already passed but I shall begin grooming my DH in advance for the next time.

I have memorised your advice to grinchly as I am about to take on a project which will no doubt end as grinchly has described. I can see that krispy kremes would be the perfect weapon.

I now want a Krispy Kreme doughnut but am stuck lying down.
What should I do?

I've also nominated for Classics. The mental images I have from this thread have put a big grin on my face.

No particular problems to offer right now, but am sure there'll be one along sooner or later. Meanwhile it's nice to see Disrespectful taking up an apprenticeship
"Not thigh but here's my suggestion: are there llamas on the farm? They are nice and fluffy and so make a comfortable base for a nap. If you get cold just pull a second one over you" although I reckon Alpacas might be more amenable

Grinchly it's a good job that you mentioned your diabetes, well done. The Krispy Kreme method will not work if you do not publicly eat them too. On an intellectual level your team members will understand that you can't join in due to bona fide medical reasons but on an emotional level they will internalise "eat these and die you filthy piglets".

You're going to have to utilise a fifth columnist method. Identify your No 1 troublemaking loudmouth. This person is a frustrated Lau Kim Korn. Publicly and with great fanfare put them in charge of stationery and all consumables. Thereby breaking any potential second power base and controlling your workers whilst keeping your hands clean.

Smother well done, you are doing so well. Should you require a snackette later roll slowly around your sofa. This has many advantages: It's exercise, you are your own human roomba, you prevent waste, you won't starve.

Mystery workers are also powerless in the face of half days off. These must be a surprise and a reward, Fridays are best.

Mess can you lower your standards? Take a good look around you and I think you will find areas for reverse improvement. Krispy Kremes are only necessary to control others. Do you have bread and golden syrup? Toast the bread and pour on the syrup, it's basically the same and you didn't have to go out. Eat with your mouth open to maximise crummage for later snackette.

Thigh, it's Saturday and DH wants to go out to see a film or even a concert, maybe even a meal too. He's been working hard all day. I'd rather stay in and be anti-social; we can eat something out of the freezer. How should I proceed without sounding ungrateful?

Maid yes, archers still exists. Aldi do a knock-off, maybe hellen can get us some when she goes on a booze run.

Thanks so much thigh where would we be without your sound words of wisdom.
still so happy lying around surrounded by own shit

Might I make so bold as to offer a suggestion for lady with stinking ddog whilst she was on loo trying, unsuccessfully, to offload bowel movement, that she simply give the ddog her space on said loo and go for a lie-down!? (Hopes also for apprenticeship)

thigh yes, I love blue bols and lemonade (nice with a large splash of vodka otherwise it's a bit weak), thank you for reminding me!

Pernod is the work of the devil, but Pernod and black has the advantage of such cloudy, sticky, staining rankness that makes it the perfect drink for chucking over someone you hate.

Mystic and Hellen am I too late for the booze run? Panicking now. Stuck in with ill DCs. I need a drink to remind me of the 1990s (not cider) and cheap drinks in the student bar and freedom.