I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

How can I stop the cat dribbling so much?

thanks thigh....

laying down wasnt quite cutting it. not sure coke will either but ive dispatched mr backagen to the shop for wine. wine will soak anything and everything up wont it? and ill be making flapjack. no crisps as on a diet (its diet flapjack - honest!)

the text saturday morning sounds like a good idea. ive sent several already and no reply so clearly my ragey mood has pissed off the recipient.
i must learn to rage inwardly more often.

Every time I put the dishwasher on while the washing machine is mid-cycle, the electrics trip. What should I do?

This thread seriously needs to go into Classics!!!!

Who's with me?

Yess!!! Classics!! Classics!! We want Thigh!
In Classics!!!

Yes. Classics. And thigh into the MN Hall of Fame.

Iron an the old lemsip / wine dilemma. If you can think of wine without gagging you should have some as you could get sicker then not be able to keep it down at a later date. If you are over the age of 6 if would recommend combining lemsip tablets (2) with a bottle of 10% abv or lower white wine. If you keep the abv low it's just juice really and you are trying your best to heal.

maslin have you tried giving them less tasty food, is the drool in anticipation? I do the same myself.

notquite well does he want you fat or violent? It's one or the other. What a fucker, he needs watching. Have you got an integral garage and plastic sheeting?

hellen well of course you're in a rage, you're dieting. Dieting is a bad thing and is making you cross. You are not fat. If your clothes are too small that's because they got smallened by weirdness and not your fault.

Gazelda this is tricky as I'm not actually a qualified electrician. Obviously you need both, i suggest you put the washing machine on last thing at night as it takes longer. Do you have a timer on your washing machine? If so set it to come on at about 6am when you will be so tired that you don't care what the terrible noise is.

There has been a 'new' (i.e. second hand but in good working order) dishwasher waiting to be installed to replace the definitely defunct dishwasher in the kitchen. For 3 months. How do I get DP to finally sodding well change the bloody things over????

AlpacaLypse tell him if it hasn't happened by next Friday you are going to pay someone to do it thereby denting his masculinity. If you are in London look up Fantastic Services who do everything. Don't mention it again or engage in any discussion.

Yes, classics please @MNHQ. I may need to remind myself of this advice when it becomes relevant.

Am I spending enough time on Mumsnet?

foxes define "enough" if it's making you happy then yes. If you are being forced to do shizz around the house and "work" then no, fuck around on MN more.

Hmmm, I'm not sure 'happy' is the word for it. Mildly amused yet generally unsatisfied is a better description. Like an itch I can't scratch or a Chinese take away.

foxes try this rule of thumb. If it's sunny, go outside. If the weather is bad and you are bored, go on MN. There's no rules in Thighworld.

Amen to that thigh

Thigh its friday, ive had 2 glasses of wine and want a 3rd but i know that the 3rd will have me drooling into my pillow with a bad head in the morning (im a complete lightweight).

But now ive had two, i really want the 3rd. The 3rd may lead to a 4th. Theres definately a 3rd and 4th glass in the bottle.

What do i do?

Mid like to add that its been a long day and my colleagues have been tw ....annoying.

But i have much DIY to do tomorrow. Ive only one day off this week.

Thigh I really want to drink some G&T but I'm too lazy to go to the shop. If I do go I will feel obliged to do a large shop. All I want to do is watch Doc Martin on ITV3 feeling slightly pissed.

WheelyCote a tricky situation. Must you do the DIY? You only have one day off and it doesn't seem fun. Equally, as you only have one day off you shouldn't ruin it with a hangover. It's quite early in the evening so how about stopping the wine fever with something out of left field like a hot chocolate? No one can drink wine after hot chocolate or horlicks.

derxa you don't have to do a large shop, drive to the offy where they sell little but alcohol and snacks and fags. You won't be able to do a large shop then. Bonus points for going in your pyjamas with a coat over. This isn't Kampuchea and the Khmer Rouge are no longer in power - no large shop!!

Next week I have to host a party to which 7 bastard one year olds are invited. Only 3 of their bastard mothers haven't responded yet despite having had the invite for a month.

Should I spend every evening this week cleaning the house frenetically so the mums don't judge me, or should I leave some lego pieces camoflaged against the carpet and sweetly invite them to take their shoes off upon entry?