I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

I really need to go out dancing tonight but no one else wants to and they think they're too old I've got the radio on but it's just not cutting it. I need music and dancing!

Also, if two of the 1yos are mine, can I pop them in a party bag for someone else to take home? They are teething at the mo and it's quite hard work.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff as you have quite rightly pointed out 1 year olds are bastards. Will this actually be a piss up as 1 year olds don't play or like each other? Could you cancel the party and buy your own children a premium bond each and go out on the piss with someone you like? Don't clean your house, what's the point, you have 1 year olds. Don't let anyone in your house.

I have "things to do" but also want to stay on MN as am now heavily invested in this thread what shall I do Thigh?

Misty9 there are often ceroc parties/lessons in local town halls. You don't need a friend / dance partner. Go on your own, try to pull while you're at it. Don't give your real name.

Thigh I followed your advice religiously this morning, laying down and napping until it was sunny enough to go outside. However, all the effort made me forget a deadline. What do you think my chances are of getting some Americans to accept a late submission owing to excessive idleness?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff are you single? Can you "go to the shops" and just stay out and get pissed. Come home tomorrow or the next day. Don't pop them in a party bag because - 1 year olds are bastards and only stay alive because people "love" them (are obliged).

RockysMa remember that you were up to page 13 and pop back whenever you like and catch up. Remember there are no rules or right ways to do things in Thighland.

UtterlyDesperate Americans have a puritanical streak a mile wide. I wouldn't mention idleness or drunkenness as an excuse. They think differently to us and respect things like interventions and 12 step programmes. Could you say that you urgently needed to perform an intervention on your hated sibling. Thereby looking caring and responsible? Well done on resting, it was a lovely sunny day wasn't it. Never work unless it is dark or raining.

That's a good idea. I might take the 1yos out on the lash. They are pretty game but I've found I can easily drink them under the table. Lightweights.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff build up their staying power by putting brandy in their bottle of tea.

Hmm. Interesting idea but I am sorely lacking in the coordination department for proper dancing. I just feel a need for the slightly drunken hot sweaty dance music kind

Dh is at the pub. I can't go to a club on my own later - can I?

Misty9 well of course you can. Why do you need to wait for DH though? This isn't the 1970s, Gerald Ford isn't in power anymore you know.

Thigh your a genius. Youve inadvertently solved 2 problems.

I went to the cupboard for hot choc (loved the thought) only to find an empty tub.

This reminded me that i have an 18yr and 17yr old at home. I checked and they said they dont have much on tomorrow. Great i said....youve volunteered for some DIY, given youve had all the hot choc at some point and not thrown the tub. They are not happy. I AM😁.

Tommorrow i shall supervise and guide but theyll do the bulk.

I shall use the remaining wine as part of a base for a Ragu for tea. Which will also give me my dinner for sun and put me in a far better mood when working with tw....annoying co workers. Theyre not that annoying im just grumpy😁

Ive found lemonade bizarrely. Think it was meant for christmas. Im havung lemonade in a wine glass...cause im hardcore and dont want to create more pots with home made pizza. Yum

I'd be absolutely gobsmacked if you've not been contacted by Phil & Holly's people by tomorrow sundown. You'd be a revelation on morning telly.

thigh I don't think I'm allowed to leave the dc alone in the house - even if they're asleep

What amazing advice. Have you considered retraining as a health visitor?

WheelyCote good, I'm proud of you. You have swerved a hangover tomorrow, made a ragu, re-used a glass and found a use for teenagers. It's amazing. I may resign and give you my job.

All hail The Thigh!
Another nominating for Classics

Really want to make one of those jazzy birthday cards they show on Ceebebies for my baby's 1st birthday but I really can't be assed to get crafty, not least because I'm crap at making any kind of craft look good.

Feeling like a bit of a crap mum. Help me out thighof

Oh wise one should I shower and wash my hair now, or go to bed and do it in the morning early before work? If I do it now I will need to blow dry it properly before bed. If I do it in the morning I will struggle to exit the house on Stealth Mode and may disturb the DC, who get sad seeing me go (as they are still small).

I want to watch The Hateful Eight on Netlix. DH wants to watch 2 weeks notice.

For me a film is wasted if there's no one killed in the first 3 minutes. He likes a romantic comedy or two.

What went wrong and how do we compromise?

Misty9 ah - you have children that it is illegal to leave to go out drinking. That's different, put YouTube and dance around singing to yourself and getting drunk. When DH comes in get him to dance too and tell him you will have sex with him if he does. Could you text him and say that sex is on the cards?

Gazelda I don't like mornings. I'd do a column though, for money, I suppose. Unless it's sunny.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff meh, that sounds hard and I don't want to. I'd rather do typing and stuff for a living.