I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I have a very old useless degree in humanities from a poly therefore am completely unfettered by knowledge or training. Bring me your problems and I'll solve them.

Rick don't worry about it, i don't understand anything complex either. Have a bubble bath.

OMG you want it to look like you care but still go to bed. How about a note on the hallway table that says "I'm waiting upstairs for you darling" with a winky face. You can then go straight to sleep and pretend it was an accident and you intended to give him a valentines BJ.

Help me thigh - I am very thirsty and want my OH to get me some water (am currently lying down so can't do it myself, obv). However, I don't want to have to ask him to get it for me because he should just know what I want. Please advise - will stay horizontal in mean time to preserve energy.

I have put on fake tan and it feels sticky - help me get tot sleep

Battery operated swing of course. You are a genius thigh. If I could please trouble you for one more piece of wisdom. DH snores. It ridiculously loud. He's in the spare room but I can still hear him. What's the solution? I have sensitive ears and can't wear ear plugs. It's literally like there is a jack hammer in the room.

Thank you thigh. I am half lying on the sofa with a cat on my feet and ddog in farting distance, and I’ve undone the top button of my jeans, that’s sort of like a bubble bath, I am vaping and drinking tea obvs.

chaos ah well, this will require some subterfuge. Don't ask for water but sigh and say "i just feel so ill, my throat is so sore".

I have two problems.

I can't stop playing with my cat Milo. He is a biter. I can't help but to tickle his tummy endlessly as he gnaws and scratches my arm. I know this hurts and I know the only way to stop it would be to stop tickling him. How do I stop?

I have a cat named Kupo. He loves to be scratched. When I stop he gets sad and paws at me to continue. So I scratch his back and under his chin until my hand cramps up. I have arthritis in my hands too. But, I can't stop because I feel so guilty. How do I solve this issue?

Thanks in advance!

Liv could you blow dry yourself? Or put towels on the bed and roll around like a wet dog?

Glassfeet well, there's always the go bag and plastic sheeting solution but i don't want to be too prescriptive. Could you buy him a maternity / bf pillow and make him sleep in an upright position? Do you have an integral garage?

Thanks Thigh - I am cold so blow dry it is 👍

Miss have you seen those police dog trainers on TV with the big protective pads on their arms? You need to buy some of thos and wear them for cat tickling. If they are not for general sale then start training to be a really fast runner and get an armed policeman with a police dog to chase you. Run away so fast that you can ambush him, steal his arm pads and give his dog to me. I can't see any flaws in that plan.

thighofrelief101 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Thank you! That's brilliant!!!!!!

However, what about Kupo and my arthritic hand?

This thread is brilliant, btw! Best laugh I've had all day!!!!!

I feel that the nap desk was actually invented for this thread.

I need to be in two places at once in the morning. I do not know what to do to facilitate this. Do you have any experience in this area?

Thank you, thigh. I did that and added a very deep sigh for effect. It got me a cup of tea so his mind reading skills are improving - thank you. You are extremely wise.

I’m supposed to have written a paper about something I don’t properly understand. I may have accidentally told my lovely supervisor (who is a world expert in the subject) that I’ve already drafted it. He’s kindly said he will look over my draft in the morning, but so far all I actually have is half a page of bullet points interspersed with a lot of ???s.

How can I resolve this situation?

Thank you, oh great and powerful thigh. I shall now go and lie down.

Miss the police arm protectors will be fairly scratchy, you could use these on Kupo.

Lurleene could you be early for one and late for the other? Thereby pissing off both sets off people equally. Or do neither!

Ave be wide eyed and pretend bullet points is what you meant by "draft". Style it out.

Miss the police arm protectors will be fairly scratchy, you could use these on Kupo.

Of course! Why didn't I think of that!

I bow down to the master

My cats pee in weird places - the sofa, the hob top, the bath, laundry baskets.. they have a perfectly good cat flap! What is wrong with them? (I say them, I've only ever seen one of them do it) there is nothing remotely stressful or upsetting in their lives and they do not have any kind of bladder infection.

Help!!

Why do I still feel hung over even though I only had two small glasses of wine and that was on Wednesday afternoon? I have tried lying down but it didn’t help.

TIA o wise one.

Also Thigh for PM.