How do you adjust to life as a lone parent?

[sittingonacornflake]

So I'm a bit of an emotional wreck and relying quite heavily on my MN crutch at the moment.

DP is moving out this weekend so I will be a lone parent to our baby. I'm a FTM and although I had thought I'd be doing quite well the reality is I'm hugely anxious since having had our baby and I'm so so so so scared of being the only adult in the house and having sole responsibility for him.

Any tips on how to adjust to life from being in a relationship to suddenly being a lone parent?

How do you cope with the evenings when baby has gone to bed? I'm so scared about how lonely I'll be.

What do you do over night if baby becomes unwell or you're unsure of anything?

How do you find happiness again?

How are you feeling @sittingonacornflake, glad to see you have decided to get tickets for Spice Girls, you could get all glammed up and make a night of it.
@unexpectednewstart has this weekend gone ok for you, is there anyway he can move closer to you so he doesn't need to stop over, also I'm time he may be able to have the little one overnight so you can have some free time.

I thought this weekend was going to be tough as the kids were meeting his new GF and her kids, but iv been fine about it, which I'm surprised at. Since our big fall out I'm numb to him, he doesn't affect me at all, iv no idea how Iv gone from caring and crying to absolutely nothing, hmm..

I dropped the kids off on Friday and driving home I turned the radio up loud and thought about my evening plans, I had arranged to go for a meal so I poured myself a gin and put some music on while I got ready, I got glammed up and off I went :) I realised that at the minute my life feels great, I couldn't be happier :) I feel like the cloud has lifted and I can enjoy life again and I'm freeeeeee! I don't have to answer to anybody :)
Ps. I started things back up with that guy I talked about earlier in the thread, I broke it off for around 3 days and then put it back on, oops so far that's going ok too, I don't mean for my post to come across and bragging, I just wanted to let you ladies know that you can still be happy and have fun in the future, even tho it might feel like shit now, we are all at different stages and have different aged children but there is light at the end of the tunnel, well we shall see about that.

I love this thread btw, I enjoy reading the update :) have a good evening xxx

Morning @sittingonacornflake @Lorddenning1

I'm up early with the kids, bet you're having a lovely lie in @Lorddenning1 (with your new man?!) I'm very jealous!

This weekend with the ex here has been really tough. He has depression and is struggling to hide it around the kids so I feel like I'm caring for him too. It's really stressful but he has actually brought up the fact that contact can't continue in this way. Not sure how we will do it but at least the discussion has opened.

The situation is complicated because he's being investigated for fraud (he's an accountant) so he's likely to lose his job and will possibly be given a custodial sentence. That's why our relationship broke down, and why he's in a depressed limbo and living with his parents.

I'm really appreciating this thread too. Thanks for your support

Good morning @unexpectednewstart, I am also up early today, the baby woke me up at 6, the kids are back with me now, he had them fri-sat, and it's a busy day today as the eldest is in his Beavers parade for Remembrance Day.
I only see the new bloke 1-2 times a week, I think we are friends with benefits (he is our friends circle) it's nothing serious but we don't follow the rules anymore about not sleeping over etc, I'm not going to overthink that anymore, just see how it goes :)

Ah right now i understand why it's a little more complicated for you, will there be any ramifications for you over this?
How do u feel about the relationship being over, is it what you wanted or is it over because of the issue he is facing?

Good morning both!

@unexpectednewstart I hope that conversation leads to a good resolution for you. Sounds like such a bloody shit situation!

@Lorddenning1 I'm so bloody jealous of you.

Yep got spice girls tickets Wooo! Also went out for a meal last night for first time since having DS. There was wine. I'm now dying. Send help!

@sittingonacornflake yes so glad you went out and had wine :) did you have fun, I'm a big advocate of mums going out and enjoying themselves and having some free time (I think it more important now we are doing it on our own) I think we can get bogged down with motherhood and forgot who we are as people, even if it's once a month :) was it nice to get dolled up and get out of the house.
It's all fun and games until you have to get up and be a parent lol
New guy is very sweet, I went to see him on Friday and he had got me wine and the chocolate that's my fave, I thought that was quite sweet, we don't message each other all the time but it's enough for now

Thank you - it was ace! I put my hair in rollers before I went and did my make up and everything. But yes being up with the baby before 6 was a bit of a reality check!!

Awww he does sound lovely. Sounds like he's keen! It's quite nice not having to message all the time - how often do you see each other?

Anyone doing anything nice today?

Sounds great @sittingonacornflake I bet you looked and felt fab :)
I normally see him at least once a week, but sometimes it's 2, it's nice thought because we can watch a film get a takeaway and cuddle on the couch, all the good stuff without the hassle of a relationship (I'm just not ready yet).
I'm off to a remembrance parade with the little ones as my son is taking part, then probably dinner and then back home to chill :)
How about you x

Also does anyone have Netflix, the Sinner 2 is out and is good

@Lorddenning1 that genuinely sounds absolutely ideal. I'm really pleased for you. I feel like 1 night a week for cuddles on the sofa is plenty. I might have to look for one of these!!

Ah that will be lovely to see your son is something so very meaningful. How old is he?

Well my parents are frankly amazing. After babysitting for me last night they've come over to take DS out to the park and then to theirs to play so I can catch up on sleep and then they've invited me for lunch later. I don't deserve them but there you go.

Ooh and thanks for the Netflix recommendation I will check that out.

Christmas Cooper is now on Netflix - really worth a watch (I know it's too early for Christmas films but sod it).

@sittingonacornflake do you have someone in mind for this role :)
My eldest is 7 and he did so well today, I was a very proud mum, my ex didn't attend even tho he was asked, but there you go.
Your mum and dad sound great, can they have mine lol aw see you can go out and have fun and in the future possibly meet someone, even if you can't even think about that now. What did you have for lunch, I do slimming world so I live my life through other people's food
Well that's another week over with, ready for Monday's madness, I wish I had wine, I will have to settle for a hot chocolate.

You don't want know what I eat @Lorddenning1 I'm still exclusively breastfeeding, eat like a horse at the moment and am slimmer than when I've dieted. I am sure it will pile back on once my son weans/by the time I'm able to date again.

Well phew, I've got my house back. It's all so emotionally complicated. He's screwed up and there have been so many lies, but I still worry about him. On the surface our relationship was really good but he was essentially leading a double life. You know your partner has been a dick when all HIS friends rally around you! It's related to work so I'm not implicated or being investigated, but I am facing being entirely responsible for the kids as he's going to lose his job and it will be a good few years till he's in a position to pay maintenance. In some ways I'm slightly relieved that he is so badly in the wrong, I would hate to have to share the kids 50/50 and circumstances mean a court is likely to always be in my favour. Obviously he has a right to contact and I know the kids will benefit from a relationship with him, but I need to be the safe, secure caregiver for them.

Your parents sound awesome @sittingonacornflake . My parents are helpful but not to that extent. They have definitely stepped up recently though, I feel guilty sometimes but I think they are also likely to have more fun time with the kids eg birthdays, holidays and Christmas as I'm on my own.
Great news about getting the tickets!

And well done to your son @Lorddenning1

The idea of being able to go out in the evening is very far off for me as I feed my son to sleep and he still wakes multiple times. When I am able to go out, I initially want to spend time with the friends and family who have rallied round me recently. Then maybe I'll consider some male company! I've never been into FWB or ONS, but I imagine I'll just want some fun. The idea of dating when I've already got kids so there's no biological clock to worry about is totally different.

Oops, too much bold!

Unexpected - how old is your DS? We are at 9 months now and sleep is just HORRENDOUS.The last 2 nights my fitbit tells me I've only had 5 hours sleep - DS is just waking up constantly and my nipples are so sore by the morning :(

I'm with you on the breastfeeding diet though. I am currently scoffing crisps and drinking wine - I've had so much bread and chocolate today and I'm losing weight consistently. I'm 3 stone 4 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. What magic is this breastfeeding?!

Although lord denning, doesn't sound like your diet is too restrictive if you are able to snuggle up with a hot chocolate!

See now i was the total opposite, I gained nearly 2 stone while breast feeding, I felt like i could never fill myself and i was always eating.

I have put on 2lbs last night at Slimming world, the first time iv gained weighed since the split (I knew the takeaways were catching up with me) I was being too cocky.
what age do you think you will stop breast feeding? thats to both of you :)

Oh bastard 2lbs how dare it creep on. At least it wasn't much weight though, 2 lbs is nothing! How much weight do you want to lose?

I would like to lose another 1 stone 10lbs, and if I could do this by next May time that would be amazing ready for a holiday. I don't know if that's totally unrealistic though as I'm not exactly dieting.....

As for how long I will breastfeed - not sure. I guess until DS self weans now. Now I'm on my own I don't want to give up the ONLY thing I currently have that gets DS to sleep! But i would like to get to a point where he doesn't need any in the day so I don't have to express when I go back to work. And actually then I could buy any clothes I like rather than just boob accessible ones

DS is six months in a couple of weeks and just about to start solids. That feels weird because I have literally never given him anything other than boob. There's just been no point attempting to express and give him a bottle as I'm on my own. I'm hoping this is the beginning of a bit more independence! I'd like to be able to leave him with my parents for an hour or so and go for a massage. I bf my daughter to about 15 months. By then it was just a morning and evening feed and really nice for reconnecting after being apart whilst I worked.

It feels like I've reached a real turning point in terms of my ex and being on my own. I spoke to my social worker earlier this week and the concerns about my ex's mental health are such that we're not sure contact with ex is beneficial at this stage. My ex is saying he's not sure if he can cope with seeking the kids. Social worker would rather a child missed their parent than see them behaving totally out of character. I definitely can't have ex staying here anymore, I still want my daughter to see him but only if he can behave fairly normally. Up until now it was inconceivable to me that ex wouldn't see kids and I've done a lot of facilitating, but enough is enough.

I now really do feel like a lone parent. I can't believe that the amazing man I thought I'd married has turned into this

@unexpectednewstart that sounds really tough. How has it been since contact has stopped? Hopefully the break / headspace will do your ex some good to get him into a healthy place where he can step up and be a dad again.

@Lorddenning1 how are you doing?

Good morning Ladies

Unexpectednewstart - I agree with your social worker and im glad he is no longer in your home seeing the kids, i feel like if this was me, it would make me think we were still together somehow and confuse me even more. The fact you now see yourself as a lone parent, as upsetting as it is, will help with the acceptance of it all, im not saying its easy, it damn hard.
I think iv only just got to this phase and along the way its shocked me how much he wants us to be separate, for example not wanting to take the kids trick or treating as we are no longer a family unit and we should not do stuff together anymore, it upset me at first but now it doesnt, because he is right, we are separate now and cannot carry on doing things like we used to.
My ex was so cold towards me, maybe thats how he coped with it all, but its was like I didnt even know him anymore, and dont get me started on the fact he met someone so soon, i wont lie this still gets to me every now and again.

Sittingonacornflake - how are are getting on with the baby sleeping, is he still waking up alot in the night, my nearly 2 year old keeps doing it but i will let him off while he is getting his last 2 teeth, its still hard though getting up and going work the next day :(

I stopped breast feeding at 8 months, to get him used to milk before i went back to work. I was upset at first but it was right for us both, i wanted to still continue to feed him morning and night, but i also wanted to lose weight and i didnt want it to mess around with my milk flow (i know writing it down makes me look selfish, but there were other reasons to).

I have broke it off with the new guy again :( i started to back away a little as i was starting to really like him, saw him at the weekend and had an amazing time and i was like "oh no". when we first got together we agreed we only wanted to have some fun, and he didnt want a relationship and neither did I, but the more i saw him the more i started to really like him :(
so i laid it out to him that i wanted something more, not right now but maybe in the future, i just needed to know that it could go somewhere, but he said he didnt know, and didnt want any complications etc, so i walked away, (i know a little dramatic) but i thought its better to do it now then do it later when there are feelings involved. we are still friends and there is no hard feelings but im a little :(
but on the plus side, its give me hope that i can be happy again with someone else in the future and not get hung up on my ex for the rest of my life :)

Sorry I feel like i have waffled on.

@Lorddenning1 you're so right about the importance of keeping things separate. It's really difficult at first isn't it because it's literally like 1 day you see each other naked, add kisses on the ends of texts and look after each other and then the next day - it's totally stopped. It's hard to get out of the habit of that closeness but it's so important for closure and to actually be able to move on.

So in case I was in any doubt as to what a shite bag my ex is - he was messaging me again last night asking to come back. As far as he knows I've got no idea he has a girlfriend. So he's just a cheating low life basically. I've not told him I know, it will all come out in the wash soon enough I've no doubt but in the meantime I'm not rocking the boat.

DS is waking up LOADS. I tried to introduce a dummy last night. It didn't go well!

@Lorddenning1 Sorry to hear about things with new guy. It sounded so nice but once feelings start getting in the way you've got to do what you've got to do to protect yourself. How are you feeling about it now?

Op, sounds like you’re doing fab, it’s amazing how men can turn on a sixpence with their emotions.

I’m 7 months in to being a single Mum - not to a baby though. Am so much more happy & relaxed than I ever was with my ex.

Onwards & upwards!

@WingingItStill thanks! 7 months in you must have some tips to share?!

@sittingonacornflake - it was really hard to go one day, him being my other half and then next him with someone else, without sounding like a predatory thing, I have always seen him as mine and now he is someone else's :( I think the worst was when we had a big argument and he rang her and she calmed him down (remember when he stormed out of parents evening) and he came back and said she was the reason he came back, it was at that point that i realized i was no longer his best friend or the person he confided in when he has had a shit day, i had been replaced.
Because im so petty and childish, i would probably forward the message to his new girlfriend, but im not at a place yet where i am able to be a grown up and be at peace with it all (roll on the counselling, which im still bloody waiting for).

My DS2, woke up again last night, and i did the controlled crying thing, its needs to stop, he isnt a new born anymore and he has got into bad habits, im determined to break his new routine and we can all go back to having a decent night sleep.

I am a bit MEH today, I am due on though so im blaming my hormones, im feeling very sorry for myself and i feel like i havent got anything to look forward to, i know im wallowing again, i will be ok, i just wanted him to message me and say lets see how it goes, but i know he wont, its like im going from one bad experience to another, i will never bloody learn. he did message me last night, but it was nothing to get excited about.

Hi @wingingitstill - Welcome to the thread, care to share your experience with us lot :)

Thanks for the welcome & thoughts that I’ve got experience to add!

My ex & I split up in April, the marriage had been going down hill rapidly for a couple of years so it wasn’t really a shock to either of us.

What was a shock was how quickly he moved on & started involving my child in his new relationship which I’m still reeling from!

My kids are 11 & 6 so a bit older than the babies on this thread. I’m just trying my hardest to be the kids’ rock. Whatever is going on elsewhere, I want them to know I’m the strong, steady one that will always be here.

Not always easy but I’ve now got my own place which I love & I’ve found that I love having evenings to myself to chill & watch crap on TV.

I’m surrounded by awesome friends & have been out joining new things like book club & organised dog walks. I found every time I do something new that I get a buzz from it.

Good morning @wingingitstill - how long after the split did you start to feel good again and get the buzz back. and how long after the split did he meet someone else.
my ex met someone after 2 weeks :( and introduced the children after 10 weeks, he hasnt made the split easy for me at all, he has told me when they had slept together, that he loves her and that he will be moving in with her after xmas, and now the kids have met her, i dont know y he is rushing, and i know its nothing to do with me but it still hurts, some days i dont care and other days i cant get over it :(