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BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

705 replies

HarrietKettle · 22/02/2018 16:15

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

  1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

  2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

  3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

    The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding Confused

    Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

    Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?
OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 25/02/2018 20:55


TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 25/02/2018 21:27

Fuerteventura Flight Fear: My FitFlop ATE my foot!

3luckystars · 25/02/2018 22:09

I keep reading other threads on here and these hilarious TAB headlines are coming in to my mind, I desperately want to post on them but I can’t do it

‘She RUINED mumsnet threads for sick kicks’

Fanciedachange1 · 26/02/2018 07:13

You could take anything that happened to you and turn it into a TAB headline! Here's mine from yesterday

SINGED MINGE! My fanny caught FIRE!

Translation, I put my towel on the radiator to warm while I showered. Unfortunately it was a little too warm for my liking.

Namastethefuckawayfromme · 26/02/2018 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 26/02/2018 10:16

Dying at Singed Minge

NotASingleFuckToGive · 26/02/2018 12:56

I love how the occupation of the person gets woven into every tenuous detail of the stories Grin

I'd met my Andy as an apprentice baker, but I could tell he had more than just dough on his mind. "Nice buns, Tracey," he winked, as I was retrieving a tray from the oven "..I'd love to glaze them for you".
I tried to resist as I'd heard he was a family man, which I suppose was what made him so attractive after a bad run, but he assured me it'd been a long time since his kiln had been fired. And, he was a tasty bit of crumpet after all!
I decided to be bold, and texted him.
"There's a fondant in the store cupboard waiting for you....if you fancy Wink "

3luckystars · 26/02/2018 13:02

Time passed and soon I had a bun in the oven, it was the icing on the cake.
Then everything went black and I woke up dead.

kierenthecommunity · 26/02/2018 13:57

The other forerunner for a top tip is ‘I needed a new (something reasonable inexpensive) but all of ones in the shops were pricey.’

Then goes on to say they make said item with some random broken down bit of tat that is unique to their potting shed and would cost anyone else an arm and a leg to actually buy

MerryMarigold · 26/02/2018 14:50
HarrietKettle · 26/02/2018 14:52

I've just read that thread Grin

OP posts:
Aridane · 26/02/2018 16:46

That thred is amazing

< SCREAMS at MerryMarigold >

MerryMarigold · 26/02/2018 17:45

I think it may be Dawn or Sandra who is the OP on that post. They do seem to attract drama.

TheSistineMadeMeScream · 26/02/2018 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandoraphile · 26/02/2018 23:18

*I screamed at the Michael Angelo.

I wanted to leverate up
Oh. My. God. It can't be real but fuck me it made me laugh 😂😂😂

Eastie77 · 27/02/2018 08:44

That Michael Angelo thread has made me late for work. It must be made up but it is simply amazing GrinGrinGrin

Bettercallsaul1 · 27/02/2018 08:52


MrsGideon · 01/03/2018 15:24

I haven't RTFT yet, and I'm not sure if it's still the case, but I once discovered that our old vet was a columnist in one of those mags! Got the shock of my life when I bought a copy to read on the train back from my uni in Leeds, Yorkshire to find his mug beaming up at me.

2018February · 01/03/2018 17:51

Hold on what was the headline 'neighbour knocked off our Norman's knackers'

(Vet castrated dog called Norman by appointment)

2018February · 01/03/2018 17:52

Just realised vet was a columnist Sad

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/03/2018 18:16

Great headline though Feb Grin

I'm sure the vet's column had a snazzy title though. Something like DASHING DAVE the DOG DOCTOR for all your animal ailments just ask our Dave.

Flatwhite32 · 02/03/2018 16:42

Today's offering in Real People! 😂

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

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PicklingGherkins · 03/03/2018 12:09

I just bought TaB this morning and TaB's Fate & Fortune (for the ghost lols)

Flatwhite32 · 03/03/2018 15:01

Haha @PicklingGherkins! I didn't realise TaB had a magazine devoted entirely to ghosts and suchlike 😂. The ghost story this week in Real People is hilarious. The woman even 'married' the ghost (with bridesmaids and everything at the ceremony).

drinkswineoutofamug · 03/03/2018 15:34

Did he say

"I woooooo"

Sorry that's really poor

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