BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

[HarrietKettle]

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding

Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?

FOOT in BOG HORROR!

Fuerteventura Flight Fear: My FitFlop ATE my foot!

I keep reading other threads on here and these hilarious TAB headlines are coming in to my mind, I desperately want to post on them but I can’t do it

‘She RUINED mumsnet threads for sick kicks’

You could take anything that happened to you and turn it into a TAB headline! Here's mine from yesterday

SINGED MINGE! My fanny caught FIRE!

Translation, I put my towel on the radiator to warm while I showered. Unfortunately it was a little too warm for my liking.

Dying at Singed Minge

I love how the occupation of the person gets woven into every tenuous detail of the stories

I'd met my Andy as an apprentice baker, but I could tell he had more than just dough on his mind. "Nice buns, Tracey," he winked, as I was retrieving a tray from the oven "..I'd love to glaze them for you".
I tried to resist as I'd heard he was a family man, which I suppose was what made him so attractive after a bad run, but he assured me it'd been a long time since his kiln had been fired. And, he was a tasty bit of crumpet after all!
I decided to be bold, and texted him.
"There's a fondant in the store cupboard waiting for you....if you fancy "

Time passed and soon I had a bun in the oven, it was the icing on the cake.
Then everything went black and I woke up dead.

The other forerunner for a top tip is ‘I needed a new (something reasonable inexpensive) but all of ones in the shops were pricey.’

Then goes on to say they make said item with some random broken down bit of tat that is unique to their potting shed and would cost anyone else an arm and a leg to actually buy

This is pure Take s Break gold: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity?trending=1

I've just read that thread

That thred is amazing

< SCREAMS at MerryMarigold >

I think it may be Dawn or Sandra who is the OP on that post. They do seem to attract drama.

*I screamed at the Michael Angelo.

I wanted to leverate up
*
Oh. My. God. It can't be real but fuck me it made me laugh 😂😂😂

That Michael Angelo thread has made me late for work. It must be made up but it is simply amazing

NASFTG

I haven't RTFT yet, and I'm not sure if it's still the case, but I once discovered that our old vet was a columnist in one of those mags! Got the shock of my life when I bought a copy to read on the train back from my uni in Leeds, Yorkshire to find his mug beaming up at me.

Hold on what was the headline 'neighbour knocked off our Norman's knackers'

(Vet castrated dog called Norman by appointment)

Just realised vet was a columnist

Great headline though Feb

I'm sure the vet's column had a snazzy title though. Something like DASHING DAVE the DOG DOCTOR for all your animal ailments just ask our Dave.

Today's offering in Real People! 😂

I just bought TaB this morning and TaB's Fate & Fortune (for the ghost lols)

Haha @PicklingGherkins! I didn't realise TaB had a magazine devoted entirely to ghosts and suchlike 😂. The ghost story this week in Real People is hilarious. The woman even 'married' the ghost (with bridesmaids and everything at the ceremony).

Did he say

"I woooooo"

Sorry that's really poor