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BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

705 replies

HarrietKettle · 22/02/2018 16:15

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

  1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

  2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

  3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

    The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding Confused

    Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

    Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?
OP posts:
GKite · 02/08/2018 20:42

There's one in the mag chat I think it is,
"I gave my baby girl away" she was an egg donor and the couple happened to have a girl. Whereas magazine wifey only had boys

PicklingGherkins · 04/08/2018 11:00

I've bought "that's life" today for my weekend fix of misery porn.

PicklingGherkins · 05/08/2018 18:47

Gutted that the "my sister turned up to my wedding in a bridal gown - but the real surprise came on honeymoon" turned out to be a double wedding with no discernible surprise on the joint honeymoon.

CatkinToadflax · 09/08/2018 10:05

Mumsnet THREAD causes MAJOR plumbing EXPLOSION

MNer Catkin, 41, of Average Cul-de-sac, Seaside-Town-By-The-Sea, read this thread. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Uncontrolled guffawing made her belch. She turned to her hunky partner, blue-eyed Mr Toadflax, 41, who still has all his teeth. "Love", she said, "have you ever read anything so hilarious as this thread?" Mr Toadflax, still 41, said "no comment".

EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr and Mrs Toadflax have contacted us to confirm that actually nothing exploded.

itsBritneyBeach · 09/08/2018 15:15

😂😂😂 "still 41"

PicklingGherkins · 10/08/2018 17:28

It's almost magazine time for me - any recommendations for this weeks top stories?

TaighNamGastaOrt · 15/08/2018 13:57

Just re-reading this thread and giggling all the way through it!
The worst story I ever read in one of these sad rags was the I BREASTFEED MY DAD story.
Can't find it, but her dad had cancer and she had a baby, she offered to express breast milk for him as she thought it would help him during chemo cancer. But she got too tired expressing and did in fact breastfeed her dad.,73358

Flatwhite32 · 16/08/2018 18:43

Oh my god @TaighNamGastaOrt that really is extreme! Reading these magazines is my guilty pleasure, and this thread had me howling with laughter! This is today's offering in Real People:

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
toffee1000 · 20/08/2018 06:08

The name “that’s life!” is a bit, um, odd when you think about the stories involved. I remember my brother commented on it once, like “Mum WATCHED as my DAD RAPED me”— “that’s life!” Pick Me Up is similar; if you want a pick-me-up don’t read a misery porn mag. Chat? Well, inane drivel more like. Take a Break is probably the best title as it were... take a break from your normal life and read a crapmag.

Have I been applying logic to these mags?? Ignore me... whistles

toffee1000 · 31/08/2018 16:40

Well guys, peak That’s Life has been reached. A reader invited Joey Essex to be her prom date.

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
TeaStory · 03/09/2018 22:18

I don’t know how I managed to miss this thread until now, but I’ve been reading it on and off all day and laughed so hard I gave myself stomach ache.

“Mumsnet left me in AGONY and I still went back for MORE!”

Flatwhite32 · 22/09/2018 16:15

£60 for this tip!

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
toffee1000 · 24/10/2018 03:33

Oh God.

I recently read a story about a woman who had sex with ghosts. It mentioned orgasms and everything. Like seriously?? How do you orgasm with no external stimulation?? Does she just come of her own free will??

toffee1000 · 26/10/2018 17:23

I presume we’re all going to do this to our pumpkins next week??

BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
toffee1000 · 05/04/2019 19:50


I just decided for a laugh to buy a TaB. There’s a story where the woman’s kids are called Parsley, Pepper and Sage. Why the hell would you do that to kids??

TinselAndKnickers · 05/04/2019 22:04

@toffee1000 show me the page! That's got to be a wind up Grin

toffee1000 · 05/04/2019 23:12


BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress
TinselAndKnickers · 06/04/2019 13:32

That is bloody awfulGrin

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 06/04/2019 13:34

Oh god I'm drawn in now. What happened to Sage??

toffee1000 · 06/04/2019 13:50

A nasty accident OrangeJuice. He’s ok though, no lasting effects. The title on the front cover was totally misleading as per.

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 06/04/2019 15:20

Was Sally to blame?

toffee1000 · 06/04/2019 15:34

Actually yes, but it was a total accident. Sally had no idea. The mother didn’t bear her any ill will.

toffee1000 · 06/04/2019 15:34

Sally is a fake name btw.

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 06/04/2019 16:41

Sally is a fake name btw.

I bet her real name is more special. Chardonnay-Rose or something Smile

Neilsfavouritechilli · 28/04/2019 12:09

If it's not been recommended already I recommend "Take a Shite" in Facebook. All of the best bits from our favourite Misery Porn Mags

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