BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

[HarrietKettle]

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding

Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?

'Options Belgian hot chocolate coloured eyes' HAHA 😂😂😂

Most interesting part of the day?

RACE TO THE COURTS: She hadn’t banked on him leaving first, but YesILikeItToo was up for the challenge when her partner played his trump and left for work before they were both ready. She was left holding the baby, so to speak, because not only did she have to feed her 10 year old a nourishing breakfast, but she’d run out of cash to pay the cleaner. Pausing only to rattle a box of bran flakes, she yelled her intentions to all and sundry, dashed out to the local hole-in-the-wall, and returned to literally throw that baby out with the bath water. She grabbed her coat and got ready for the final throw of the dice. If she overpaid by 40p, she’d catch the bus that got her to the centre of town fastest. In this game of cut-throat decision making, there could be but one winner. It was YesILikeIt who was first to the offices of the court where they both worked - she gave us her exclusive story.

TAB magazine were always the ones that used to get nicked in the dentist/doctors reception or end up so thumbed they had torn pages and sticky finger marks everywhere. The big thick decorating weekly ones never went anywhere and remained glossy and shiny looking.

Tippex Thank You pebbles. The new passive aggressive way to say thanks for a shit present.

Cheaper than an Oxfam goat!

Her long ET fingers furiously dialled his number as she clasped the Curly Wurly telephone cord

Back in our childfree days when time was aplenty, me and DH used to see who could think up the most ridiculous top tips and send them in to Take a Break along with a photo for illustration.

Typical example would involve sellotaping an old slipper to something, or creating a cheerful wall display from the contents of the recycling bin.

We never got published

I was worried someone would come to the house with a car wrapped in a big red bow and I would be forced to pose on the bonnet flashing some side boob.

I won a car a couple of years ago and this is almost exactly what happened, complete with bow, except it was outside a branch of the company that ran the competition which was even more embarassing as it was a bingo hall!

Luckily it was very sunny so I kept my sunglasses on and they took it from far enough away that you wouldnt know it was me unless it was pointed out :o

Top tip: cut off the top of your cereal box and use it as a sun visor for your plants this Summer. I swear TAB were in competition with Blue Peter.

OP do you own shares in ‘Take a Break’ magazine? I think their sales will go through the roof this week thanks to your funny post 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thelittlefriend I was reading the article you posted and was laughing so much, DH had to come up and make sure I was alright!

I don't think I have ever laughed so much at a thread!

Right. This has gone far enough.
One of us has to get a Top Tip published in TAB in the next 2 weeks.

We will agree on a fake name and details but it HAS to be an original idea.
Pads are optional other sanitary products will earn points.
Collaborations are allowed.
The prize is a Rock, paited with gold pen, your name and a Blankety Blank Cheque Book and Pen.
Who's in?
Sashay Away People

By the way MedicalEnignma great to see you here. TOld you it was fun

My cousin was in Take A Break. The bones of the story were true, but they’d made a load of stuff up and made her sound like an utter dingbat to boot. She got paid though so she didn’t care

I bought this weeks TaB purely based on that headline. We like guessing how dull the story is compared to its outrageous headline.

My favourite TaB family had boys called Brandon-Lee, Kaiden-Lee and Charlie-Lee (did they say that last one out loud?) Dad’s name Lee

And the regular contributors who are in it every week - like Mel Lodge from Mirfield

Oh and Gemma something or other who has kids called Bunnie-Luv and Aubrey

Lola, you need a name and address for the cheque to get sent to. I say this as lucky recipient of a few TAB cheques ;) None of my tips or pix included sanitary towels though
Does anyone remember when Chat came out in the 80s (I used to read my friend's mum's copy) and it was like a broadsheet? It was huuuuge. In the 90s it was so annoying. They'd always underline the puns, as if people were too stupid to notice the play on words (hmm don't answer that) Do they still do this?

My favourite was the woman who married a tree.
Absolutely bat shit , remember reading that one out in the staff room before hand over.
Trying to think of a top tip now.

thanks for the tip off, my crispy nhs sheets keep rustling every time I giggle reading through this thread, good job they bunged me in a private room so I’m not disturbing anyone else. Also the tip tips remind me of when my dad used to buy viz magazine, my brother and I used to always sneak a look and we loved the piss take tips

Not tab but closer, which is just as loopy

Has anyone read the "spiritual" ones? Chat it's fate or take a break Fate and Fortune? Actual madness but absolute gold.

Sorry if this has been posted before as not read entire thread, but I remembered seeing this a while ago

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/hilarywardle/21-headlines-that-prove-take-a-break-is-the-worl-aplm

I saw my fav ever front page whilst in the hospital newsagents; so funny I actually snorted! “I bottle fed my children but I breastfeed my dog”. That has stuck with me for 6 years lol

NB: Not sure if it was Take A Break, but definitely one of those types of mags