BRIDE'S AGONY- Bum Torn Apart By Wedding Dress

[HarrietKettle]

I picked up an abandoned copy of this in the canteen today had forgotten all about it- used to love reading my Nan's copies.

The style of writing is totally the same, it made me laugh.

1. babies are never just born, they are 'pushed into the world'

2. you don't just think 'I might be pregnant, I must take a test'. It has to be 'I gripped the table as a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat thoughtfully. Then I put on my coat, and walked to the chemist, then returned back to my home in Botley Grange, Lancs, with a package. I followed the instructions. I paced nervously with the little white stick in my hand. Finally, it was time to look. I was pregnant!'

3. there is a headline on the front that reads 'BRIDE'S AGONY- BUM TORN APART BY WEDDING DRESS

The poor woman had compartment syndrome, maybe but not definitely caused by the excersize she was doing in the run up to her wedding

Anyway it's made me laugh, and at home tonight I'll probably be narrating in my head things like 'the cat meowed with glee as I entered the front door of my flat in Hinkley Ave, Berks. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight, Mavis' I muttered as she fixed me with a meaningful stare. My partner, Gary, was working late yet again. Sighting, I reached for the bar of chocolate I'd treated myself to and settled down to watch the soaps'

Anyone care to add a Take a Break Style narration from their day?

This thread is amazing.

"Friends fear she's drinking custard again"
Suspicions over her custard habit were roused when six tins of extra creamy Devon Ambrosia were spotted in her recycling bin by a concerned neighbour

I want to get a copy of Take A Break and share it but I feel I've been beaten to it!

Harriet 🙌🙌🙌 amazing 😂

I'm going to invite someone else to pen My HOLIDAY FLING WAS a LOVE RAT ROTTER part 3.

‘Will you marry me?’ He asked
‘yes.’ I replied.

An exclamation mark would ha e real set this off, but no.

They have ‘broods’, not just fuckloads of kids
Writers throw in grubby details like ‘he pushed the Argos ring over my finger, we kissed, our tracksuits brushing together’

Crying.

I love "Had Karen not considered this previously?"

And "Bob said fuck off."

And crazy Barbara from Sunderland.

First time MN's made me laugh in nine million years. Reminds me of Trip Advisor Revvies thread. Happy days.

Bagels are not just for eating

I have to say I was very dismissive about the possibility of a magazine having a headline about Vanessa drinking custard but it's true!!

Eww the incest one, was that where mum dumped kids to run off wth boyfriend then got back in touch later when youngest was 16 and started sleeping with him.... i've never forgotten that one. .. hope she was sent down.
On a lighter note its not just san pads that have many uses, i also remember you can use tampons and stick on googly eyes, hang them up and hey presto cheap Halloween decorations

Bourbon biscuits gave me GAS and now my NEIGHBOUR won't look me in the eye.

"I Ate LOTS but now I HAVE a HUSBAND"

I used to guzzle down spicy curries and fizzy pop like there was no tomorrow. Before long, I ballooned to a terrifying 28st. My friends and family tried their hardest, but I couldn't help myself - every time I slimmed down, the fridge would beckon once more.

Everything changed when Daz moved in two doors down. He was the same age as me, a real hunk with dazzling blue eyes and a gorgeous smile. He made me feel like a princess - but how could he love me when I was so big?

With Daz's help, I swapped curries and Diet Coke for kale smoothies and air, and slimmed down to a curvy size 12. Daz loves my curves and says he loved me whatever my size, but I know he adores my sleeker, slimmer frame. One day, I was feeling under the weather, and couldn't stop the little niggle of suspicion in the back of my mind. I nipped to the chemist, and after a terrifying wait in the toilet, a little plus sign appeared on the white stick. I was pregnant! Daz and I couldn't wait to start a family together.

Six weeks after Juyce-Pluss was born, I found myself in the toilet once more. "Daz", I squeaked. "You're not going to believe this...". Avon-Younique was born nine months later, completing our family. It would have been easy to pile on the pounds again, but thanks to Daz, I was able to keep it off.

After a 15st weight loss, three years and two babies together, my life-saving, weight loss hero of a blue-eyed hunk asked me to marry him on my 18th birthday.

We need a picture of Sandra in LOVE RAT ROTTER part 3. At home on the settee in County Durham, looking both forlorn and angry whilst clutching her latest bank statement, captioned "me now".

After contacting Aslam he declined to comment.

Always makes me laugh when they say 'In time I went to hospital to to push my beautiful baby Chardonnay-Mae into the world. We then returned to our home at 24 any street, any town"

YassQueem

That's brilliant

Yes! I have found my people. A friend and I used to take it in turns to buy Love It which is my shit mag of choice, I wonder if they still sell it.

Absolutely howling at the moisturised woman who swallowed a toothbrush. That is not true... surely? Was she perhaps having some back door toothbrush activity, got it stuck and this was the excuse she gave the doctor... I haven't seen the x-ray though

@YassQueen

Fabulous! Especially the names

I’ve bought two on my way home

"I splashed out on posh Harvester meals"

"though I was nearly thirty, I hadn't let myself go."

I would love to get a copy of TAB right now!

My mum used to let me read her copy after she had finished, but I was supposed to skip the pages where she had folded down the corners as they were "unsuitable"

I smiled as I watched my brood rampage round the kitchen before the drudge of the school began again. Kelsii-roze 21, Kevin-Michael, 20, destinee-Rae 19, Demi-Demi 18, Chelsea-Maee 17, Gracie-loo 16, Ruby-grace 15, Ruby-ruby 14, Kai-Mckenzii 13, Saffire-Boo 6, Diemund-bub 5, Jayden-Jo 4, Makayylah-goo 3, Nevaeh-heavenbackwards 2, Hunni-Roo 1 were my pride and joy. Brood. By Michelle Smith, 33.

They have ‘broods’, not just fuckloads of kids. Writers throw in grubby details like ‘he pushed the Argos ring over my finger, we kissed, our tracksuits brushing together’

I'm crying

"...I couldn't wait to show Wayne and Debbie my ring, so I quickly tied my dressing gown and went to their house. Debbie was so shocked, her roll-up fell out of her mouth."

Take A Break is like a Big Mac Meal. Trashy and full of junk, but every now and then you just WANT one.