Someone in a work meeting today said 'jizz it up' instead of jazz it up

[MrsBertMacklin]

...and I was the only person who laughed.

That was the highlight of my day. Shit.

Merry! I think we have the same mum!

Is she called Mary?

No... But lets pretend she is!

I am still really laughing at 'MINGE MINGE MINGE'

I love the mental image of people 'going off on a tandem', sailing happily into the sunset.

I frequently type 'disocunt' for discount. I recently texted my boss to say I was running late for work, meant to type 'See you when I get in' and narrowly caught my bloody predictive text before it made me tell him I'd see him 'when I get unzipped'.

A colleague of mine was telling us about a problem her sister was having at work and said ' If it goes on much longer, she's going to have to report it to the head poncho.'

I once wrote an email to my colleague, Angus. But I missed out the 'g'.

He didn't reply.

I had a meal with a company director in a top restaurant, who ordered a tossed salad. The salad arrived chopped. He started to say in a very loud voice, 'i said tossed! Toss it man!' I wouldn't have eaten the salad that came back from the kitchen

And can I just say I have had a shit day at work and this has made me laugh so much thank you all!

"I love anal!"

"Just nipping out for a Tommy Tank"

"Tea bag me baby"

"No you cunt"

In Team Meeting, viewing initial drafts for some publicity, I said, without thinking,' we can't have those ,they look like sperm' .Stunned silence then colleagues including boss fell about laughing (I was right too, we had it re-designed) Bear in mind I was the staid,married mother of two ,while rest of team much younger and 'cooler' . I just don't think they expected it from me

First time my now DH met my parents the conversation somehow turned to haircuts.
DH was telling us all about the cheap barbers he goes to & saying I should go there too, "after all, it's only £15 for a cut and blow.............job"
My stepmother hooted with laughter & nearly fell off her chair, dad looked confused and DH went red & tried to vanish into thin air.

These are so funny off to see if I can think of any I have heard/said/typed.

Our company is very flexible when it comes to work and working from home is very common. People tend to send emails to all-staff to say they're working from home that day. Once an email came from a colleague titled "WTF today" instead of "WFH today"

My aunt doesn't like the way that the inside lane on the M25 is often dedicated to traffic leaving the motorway, or as she often puts it: "I hate the way that if you're in the inside lane you keep getting sucked off".

I've just had to google tea bag

Wish I hadn't bothered...

Penrith station

www.bimmerfest.com/photos/data/500/theplacetobe.jpg

We once had to google tea bagging at school after one of the kids said it to another kid and nobody knew if it was inappropriate or not! That was an enlightening day in the staff room, someone suggested a training day to cover it!

I once typed a letter to Hampshire C*nty Council. Luckily my boss noticed...

Ok so this really REALLY isn't funny but my elderly father was asked at the Church how his neighbour friend was as she had become ill after flying home from Australia. He said sadly she had passed away due to 'deep throat thrombosis'. I had a delicate cup of coffee in my hand at the time and had just taken a sip. I almost choked. I think he meant deep vein thrombosis - as I say, either way I really really couldn't laugh.

I LOVE this thread and am wheezing with laughter at Mega Clitz. Amazing.

Cried (with laughter) all the way home on the train. A senior colleague of mine was once complaining that, since he didnt have a team, he'd have to have a festive Xmas meal alone. I replied "yes, and you'll have to pull your own cracker" then fell about with the giggles [immature].

DH works with a woman called Pearl Nicholas! He just told me on reading this thread, and we've spent the last ten minutes sniggering!