Really inappropriate funeral thread

[Wh0dathunkit]

So, I'll share mine first.....
Had to decide (without a great deal of getting to know said deceased) what would be the most appropriate music....
We were doing really well. We found "Wish me luck as I wave you goodbye" as the out-tro...
Unfortunately, the CD we used was one of those odd old school ones where it wasn't just the song you were looking for but 2 other songs as well on a single track.
The other track was "Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler".
Whilst we warned the funeral directors, and they did a great job the first few repeats, a few slips happened. I'm not sure if the rellos found it funny (she was a game old bird), or if they were just too polite to say anything...

Please share, you'll make me feel better!

Fil used to work as a pall bearer, he's a lovely man but certainly has the face for the job!!
He was standing outside the church looking suitable respectable in his black suit and somber expression when a lady coming out of the church said "cheer up love it might never happen" - she was the widow!!!

Brilliant! Hoorah for good old black humour!

My d's aged 3 stood up at my grandma's funeral and shouted 'mummy, which nana are we burying?'

The whole place heard. I had to leave as I was crying with laughter.

As we walked into my friend's Dad funeral, DH piped up 'I've just realised funeral is an anagram of 'real fun'

We had the giggles The. Whole. Day.

My dads funeral was a big cathedral one. The dean read the same reading twice rather than reading one, then singing, then a second reading.

I was a bit thinking that I was sure I'd heard it once!

I went to my Grandmother's funeral and my cousin was so upset that she fell into the grave on top of the coffin

I also marched into a church hall for a 1st Birthday Party bellowing: 'sorry we are late, traffic was like a funeral' to find I was a week early and it wasn't the Birthday Party but an actual funeral

I have the funniest one, but it would out me!

At my GFIL funeral the vicar made a whole thing about how he had been a chorister in his childhood and that life had taken him away from the church but that he had come back as he got older (weddings and funerals). Nan(his widow) quipped to me and my MIL that she never realised he had been so religious. Well, we dared not look at each other until everyone had left the house afterwards when we cracked up.

Not me but happened to a nursing colleague.

She saw an obituary in the paper of someone who we'd frequently had in the ward. Old gent with a quite unusual name. Its a small town.

So she and another colleague went to the funeral. They were slightly late and the place was packed. They were shown to two of the only free seats near which were near the front.

The first song was being sung as they took their seats. They picked up the order of service to join in, it had a photo of the deceased.........different person completely.

They got the (silent) giggles and legged it.

At my grandfather's funeral ddad who hadn't been liked by mil said, a little too loudly, as the coffin was lowered into their shared grave "It's first time he's been on top of your Nan since she was expecting your mother "

she went up to the grave to throw a flower in, and was sobbing so hard etc that she lost her footing and fell in. we stood and watched in horror basically....

At my Grandpa's funeral we were standing around chatting after the burial.
My sister announced she wanted his dentures.
The look of horror on my face "Why the fuck do you want his teeth"

Apparently she meant his indentures .... We still laugh about it now

ShitStickSugar (Is that like SugarSpunSister?) I think mine kinda did (not that I'm encouraging!)... pwetty pwease!

insanity !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are brilliant!

First choice - could she clamber out or did she need pulling out?

My friend requested us to play Christmas sogst if she died near Christmas (she was terminally ill and knew, within three months, when she'd roughly die). So we were sat there trying not to cry listening to carols. It felt very odd and a bit surreal.

I was a student. It was comic relief. I was dressed up like a hippy. I approached a group of formally dressed people. I shook my bucket at them and uttered the words

cheer up you miserable buggers, give to comic relief.

They gave LOADS and i skipped off to the su building nearby. Where i was met with a row of faces like this

They pointed out the hearse.

go hot all over every time i think of it.

insanity that is brilliant. Weeping with laughter here

At mums funeral , we first had a church service , then off to the crematorium about 20 miles away .
Dad , me , my sister and aunt all went in the limo thing behind the hearse .
DH and my BIL went by car . They dropped the children at a friends house and sped down the dual carriage way to catch us up

Except we had been driven at a sedate pace the scenic route .
So when they got there they didnt recognise anyone and thought they'd missed it .
But then we turned up so it all went ok

Except halfway through DH thought he'd left his phone on ( he hadn't ) and it was the old Dom Joly ring tone from his comedy show .

Galaxy:
She tried to scramble out but she was anorexic and quite weak so she needed pulling. She was even more hysterical afterwards, poor girl.
It was pitiful. I always wished I had been able to jump out and grab her back in time

My neighbour's walk out of service song was 'rainy day women' by Bob Dylan.

In no way a mistake but it made us all smile.

Insanityscratching That has caused massive guffawes, chez thunkit.

Mr Thunkit has shared a story, but it was more sad than funny

Black humour gets people through a lot. When Mum died two weeks after Dad, I asked the funeral director if they had a BOGOF offer.

I met my DP at mine... We're still together nearly 9 years later