Really inappropriate funeral thread

[Wh0dathunkit]

So, I'll share mine first.....
Had to decide (without a great deal of getting to know said deceased) what would be the most appropriate music....
We were doing really well. We found "Wish me luck as I wave you goodbye" as the out-tro...
Unfortunately, the CD we used was one of those odd old school ones where it wasn't just the song you were looking for but 2 other songs as well on a single track.
The other track was "Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler".
Whilst we warned the funeral directors, and they did a great job the first few repeats, a few slips happened. I'm not sure if the rellos found it funny (she was a game old bird), or if they were just too polite to say anything...

Please share, you'll make me feel better!

[DuchessofKirkcaldy]

Oh....another one.
January funeral, very heavy snow. Outside the church hadn't been shovelled/salted.
Everyone stood out side church very sombre and shivering.
Middle Pall bearer slips on ice and knocks the one behind him. Cue stifled giggles.
Thankfully no one was hurt.

[snuffykins]

At my great uncles funeral, my granny, his sister in law, got into the front if the herse to travel with him from the funeral home to the church the evening before the burial. My little cousin, who was 4 at the time, sees her getting in and pipes up with "oh is granny going to heaven with uncle x?".

[HauntedNoddyCar]

My Granny's funeral was a barrel of lunacy all the way through but would out me easily. One of the less identifiable things was the preacher announcing at the graveside that we would all now sing a particular hymn. He was about 100 and was blissfully unaware that only about 4 of the mourners knew anything but the first verse. We mostly stood there humming and giggling.

And I'd already got stern looks for giggling when my pompous cousin teetered on the edge of a flooded grave.

[deakymom]

my friends mom chose always look on the bright side of life for her funeral made us laugh! and then the arguments started (i hate that part of funerals)

[SistersOfPercy]

My dad insisted on always look on the bright side of life. He was terminally ill so discussed it all with me. He said he knew my mother would moan but that's what he wanted and I was to make sure that's what he got. He did, much to mums chagrin and everyone else's amusement.

Dh's elderly great aunts sat through a total strangers funeral when they buried his nan. They had the times mixed up. Neither dared leave so they sat through the lot and offered condolences to the family at the end. They then about turned back into the crem for nans funeral. The family must have thought them serial mourners.

[TaraKnowles]

Latika that's brilliant. I might have an x marked on my coffin for the little pirateers.

[Tapirbackrider]

My great uncle's funeral - 8 pall bearers running out of the church with the coffin, when only 6 had brought him in. We hurriedly followed, and arrived graveside to find the coffin already lowered.

Turned out that the funeral directors had damaged the bottom of the coffin by bumping it down the stairs when taking DGU from his house (he'd been laid out in his bedroom) - apparently it was a lot heavier than they thought.

They'd heard cracking noises during the church service and realised, rightly, that he was about to fall out of the bottom, so saw their opportunity and ran!

[Squeakyheart]

My mum also had an issue with the wind changing direction when scattering my grandads ashes, she apparently brought most of him home in her handbag and my stepdads trouser turn ups.

At my stepdads funeral he requested I am The Lord of the dance as it was upbeat unfortunately no one mentioned it to the pianist who played it so slowly it was dire! He also coughed and choked all the way through and someone's comment of I think he's next had us biting our lips to stop the giggles.

[AgadorSpartacus]

At my DDads funeral (and I'm soo glad I can giggle about this now) the immediate family were asked to walk around the coffin at the crem whilst everyone prayed and the Priest chucked holy water. As we were walking I accidentally kicked something under the coffin stand that made a HUGE clanging noise.

I was crying at the time but collapsed into dramatic sitcom style wails at noise and the timing. This was to mask the fact that I wanted to collapse into hysterical, tear streaming laughter.

[ResponsibleAdult]

Went to a school mums funeral, she had a Spandau Ballet song "I'll fly for you" and a willow coffin, after years of fighting breast cancer. It was entirely appropriate. Her son is a joy, raised by lovely gay uncle, entirely loved by school community. We are v proud of him. Wish him all the best for his future x.

[ballsballsballs]

I was in hysterics at my Great Uncle's funeral. The vicar, doing his first ever funeral, cocked up Psalm 23. I bit my hand to avoid upsetting DGM who was sitting in front of me. I also nearly completely lost it when the curtains closed and all I could think of was The Generation Game.

My closest friend killed herself and the funeral was awful. But the wake... Someone mentioned being able to take X anywhere. But when someone piped up 'But you couldn't take her twice!' I don't think I've ever laughed so hard.

[bumpertobumper]

I was at my friend's dad's funeral, had DCs with me as all friends and family were there too, along with many others - a big Irish funeral.
it was just after Christmas. as the priest was doing the prayers my DS (5) turned and said to me in a loud 'whisper' :
mummy, is the baby Jesus real?

my mum was

[Northumberlandlass]

I've thought of another one!

My dear Aunt died just about 2 years ago, she never married or had kids, she was a very private lady. There were about 20 people at the funeral.

DS who was 9 at the time asked to attend & we agreed.

Just as the curtains closed, a hush fell over the room. I leaned in close to ask if he was ok & he loudly said "oh Mum, do we not see the flames?"

[GelfBride]

Was sat in the crem and my dopey friend hadn't switched off her mobile. Worse - the ring tone was the phone saying, 'The phone's ringing, Answer the phooooone, ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!' Getting louder and more ranty as she scrabbled for it in her bag!
The deceased would not have found this funny we did though

[LazyRohazy]

My uncle was a massive Elvis fan. As the curtains closed around the coffin at the crem, Return To Sender started playing. I proper got the giggles.

[loombands]

At my grandmas cremation me and my sister were reading the little cards in the flowers. One from my aunty said 'Mam, you will be mist'

[aprilanne]

at my poor mothers funeral last year .my then 13 year old autistic son announced in church .god mum this is boring .while standing there in his electic blue suit and flowery shirt .especially bought for occasion .i would like to think my darling mum would be looking down laughing .

[LST]

My grandad was a huge stoke city fan.. and they sing Tom Jones' Delilah as their song (with a few lyrics altered..). And we played it on the way out of the service. Everyone was crying and laughing at the same time. It makes me smile when I go to watch stoke play and the crowd do a rendition

[TheWildOnes]

This isn't funeral related but is death related.
When my gran died her body was left in her bed for a few hours before being picked up.
The back door was open as family were coming in and out.
A chicken strolled in through the back door, walked through her living room, hallway and then through to her bedroom and jumped on her bed next to her. There were plenty of people there but everyone just stood there in shock. There had never been any chickens around so no idea where it came from.
After shooing it back outside the chicken kept walking from the front door to the back door for a few hours trying to get back inside, it was the most surreal thing I have ever seen. We were devastated but couldn't help laughing.
The laughter got worse when my SIL said, "maybe it's Grans DS (who had died a couple of years earlier) He always was a bit of a cock(rel)". Followed by an aunt sitting outside talking to the chicken telling it, it could leave now as grans body had been taken away. Neighbours must have thought we were crazy!

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

Many years ago I was a church chorister and would occasionally sing at weddings and funerals at our church. Our organist was old enough to have been mentioned in the bible and as it turned out, going a touch deaf. She was also not a particularly good musician...
One particular funeral, we sang Jerusalem as requested but the organist kept changing the tempo and was just drifting around the keys in her own little world while we desperately tried to keep time. I kept catching the eye of the row of chief mourners, all of whom were veering between being very upset and hysterical laughter as we all tried to get trough the hymn in one piece.
Half of the front row ended up sitting down weeping with genuine laughter, I had to close my eyes to stop myself doing the same and we all ended up finishing half a verse earlier than the organist.
She retired shortly afterwards.

[MrsJayGatsby]

I've not finished reading yet but Bakersbum that has just made me cry laughing! I keep stopping then picturing it again and starting all over again. Brilliant.

[swampytiggaa]

Gran in law died when I was massively pregnant with dc4. Typically I gave birth on the morning of the funeral (very early)

DH went to the funeral taking DC1 (12) DC2 (4) and DC3 (2). The two smaller ones filled any quiet gaps in the service by singing postman pat and Bob the builder theme tunes.

MIL said it made the day bearable for her bless her. DH was mortified tho.

[sashh]

Friend of a friend's funeral someone looked as though they were slipping in to the grave, someone pulled them back but she said, look at the plaque' - there was a plaque with the deceased's name on the coffin - but it was the wrong name and the wrong coffin.

A hearse doesn't just carry the deceased on display but they have storage underneath for 2 others, the coffins had been put in the wrong order.

At my Nana's burial the priest flicked some holy water about and then handed the 'flicky thing' (can't remember the propper name) to her sons, they flicked some water about and then it was passed to her (Nana's) brother who then passed it to his wife.

That did not go down well with my mum who marched round the grave to claim her turn with the holy water and then she passed it to someone else.

It ended up like an Olympic torch relay.

firstchoice
Sign language users have a 'sign name' - a sort of signed nick name - there is an interpreter whose sign name translates as 'grave' because he was interpreting a funeral and ...

[Groovee]

My gran was always at least 2 hours early for anything. My mum would tell her 3pm and at 1pm, you could guarantee she was there and ready!

The day of her funeral. The funeral car collected us from the house and we headed to the crem... and we sat there and sat there. The driver came off his mobile phone and apologised but the hearse had been held up. Queue me bursting into fits of laughter and my mum realising why I was laughing... my gran who was never late... was late for her own funeral!

Also when we went to the funeral directors, the lady asked if such and such a day would suit and my mum replied "No I'm having a new door fitted, it cannot be that day!" I sat there thinking "WHAT??"

My friend's dad's funeral. It was a big funeral and we managed to get a seat, when someone said "Can I have your attention please, we have to clear the building as quickly as possible as the fire alarm has sounded!" We thought it was a joke then we realised that it was the truth and had to leave as the crem was on fire! Felt like her dad's little joke!