Really inappropriate funeral thread

[Wh0dathunkit]

So, I'll share mine first.....
Had to decide (without a great deal of getting to know said deceased) what would be the most appropriate music....
We were doing really well. We found "Wish me luck as I wave you goodbye" as the out-tro...
Unfortunately, the CD we used was one of those odd old school ones where it wasn't just the song you were looking for but 2 other songs as well on a single track.
The other track was "Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler".
Whilst we warned the funeral directors, and they did a great job the first few repeats, a few slips happened. I'm not sure if the rellos found it funny (she was a game old bird), or if they were just too polite to say anything...

Please share, you'll make me feel better!

[farewellfigure]

After my gran's funeral (30 years ago) we were all outside my DParent's house saying goodbye to various family members. Our neighbour's little girl came up (aged about 3). My DM commented 'Those are nice new jeans, and what pretty pockets they have!'. The little girl said, 'Yes, my mummy calls them my arse pockets'. We all rocked with laughter, especially DM who was feeling slightly hysterical. Another neighbour walked past us all, as we all giggled and guffawed and said, 'Ooh how lovely. A family party'. My DM, completely straight faced said, 'Well actually it's my mother's funeral'. The neighbour rushed off, absolutely mortified. Poor DM still regrets embarrassing her so much.

[Mama1980]

My nan didn't want any fuss at her funeral but she ended up being buried in the simplest ceremony I could arrange. It was a awful day rain, wind, we were all standing around the graveside very upset when her elderly best friend since childhood, sobbing so hard slipped forward, I have never moved so fast in my life and grabbed her before she fell in. Only I was wearing heels which I never wear so lost my balance and we crashed down into the mud. Sat there sobbing clutching each other when I pipped up 'oh shit, nan would kill me if she saw this dress' (now covered in mud) and everyone burst into hysterics.
I was mortified but my nan would have loved it.

[gabsdot45]

DHs cousin dies by suicide years ago and his funeral was a bit mad. During the service someone stood up and yelled BLLX and stormed out slamming the door.
Then afterwards there was a row in the carpark. Some guys arrived with baseball bats, The guys they were looking for tried to make their getaway but the gate to exit the car park would only permit one car at a time and they had to wait their turn which gave the baseball holders time to get to their car and start bashing it before they finally screetched off.
DHs cousin kept lovely company!!

Another very sad funeral I was at was my cousins daughter who died when she was only a few weeks old. It was very sad. The priest was lovely, he was quite young and was very kind and sympathetic and the service was beautiful.
Afterwards we all filed out of the church to walk to the cemetery which was just beside the church. We were some of the last to leave and on our way out we noticed the priest putting on his coat in a small room by the door. I assumed another priest would be doing the graveside part.
When we arrived at the graveside he was there and had almost finished the graveside bit. We were a totally mistified as to how he'd got there before us. During dinner later on myself and some of my cousins had a good laugh theorising as to how he'd got there so quickly, a secret short cut etc, Even my cousin, the baby's dad joined in and it lightened the mood a bit.
Later I mentioned it to my mum and she said, don't be silly, She had seen him walking quickly along the side of the group overtaking everyone.

[TwinkieTwinkle]

My dad and sister went to the wrong burial after church service at my uncle's funeral. The two numpties accidentally followed a different hearse. My dad didn't even notice as he was standing their at the graveside, my sister had to pretend she was going to collapse to get him to leave. We were all rather confused as we saw them scuttling down the hill to my uncles actual burial...

[Gwilt160981]

my dad had a Catholic funeral. He wasn't very Catholic because he couldn't stand church. When it came to bless the coffin with holy water my daughter who was 4 at the time pipes up about the priest "is he making us all a drink??" I sat there trying not to laugh... (sorry dad)

Then after me dads funeral service. They put coffin in hearse. Undertaker comes over to the funeral car "excuse me we've lost the keys to the hearse I was wondering if we've left them on the back seat?!" Mom was disgusted me and other chief mourners were tickled because my dad was forever losing his car keys.

They found the keys in end. He had a good send off but Undertakers very unprofessional for losing the hearse keys.

[RainbowsAndLemonDrops]

As we were preparing to sit down in the church for my Grandma's funeral I realised i'd lost my coat. I said to my dad "have you seen my coat, it's not like me to lose things?"

He replied, "yes you do lose things, you've just your grandma" with a massive smirk on his face. At first I was mortified, but throughout the service began to get those uncontrollable giggles!

[Figgygal]

My Gran was a massive Shirley Basset fan my brother put together some songs to play at her service and the last one was supposed to be hey big spender as she loved shopping unfortunately he's an idiot and so what he actually lined up to play was Shirley Bassey's cover of pinks I'm coming out so let's get this party started Eight years later still puts a smile on my face

[flugella]

My Gran's funeral last July, we had the service after the cremation and were at the church in oodles of time. The organist, a rather elderly gent, was pottering through his limited repertoire with varying (but mostly low) levels of accuracy. My dad is an organist and it was taking a lot of stern talking and foot stamping to stop him either rolling his eyes or leaping up and staging an intervention and entertaining the assembling congregation to the complete organ works of Bach.

Just when I thought he was going to rugby tackle the poor organist, my Gran's cousin Eva (age 90) leaned forward and said, VERY loudly, "Ee, it's ok, I think he's just practising!" Most of the front four rows heard her and those further back were unsure if we'd been overcome by grief or, as was the case, latent hysteria!

[Ames33]

At my dads funeral, me and my older siblings (we were 10, 12, 14, 16 at the time) found it hilarious when a man walked into a glass door....maybe not so funny now, but at the time we were in fits of giggles

At my friends dads funeral, we were all about 17/18, me and another friend were sat at the back, right next to the organist who could not play the organ... every bum note (there was many) had us in those uncontrollable, silent sniggers that leave you crying!

[minesapintofwine]

My gf was called Albert. At my Aunties funeral the person reading the eulogy kept calling him Orville

Not me, but my friend got stuck between the coffin and the wall when she was heavily pregnant

[joanslegs]

Relative of mine chose Ring of Fire to be played as she went through the curtains

[CheesyChristie]

My DGM's funeral was held at the church she had attended weekly for all her 96 years. It's also a very quaint church which is often used during sightseeing tours (trying not to out myself too much). My dm was in the middle of a tearful reading when a tour guide barged in with a bunch of German tourists, marched them down the aisle and started poiting out interesting features of the church. The 5 foot nothing vicar bowled down the aisle and chased them out yelling and shaking a bible at them.

It was brilliant. Even my dm who was very tearful couldn't finish her reading because she was laughing so much.

[MontyPythonsFlyingFuck]

My grandfather was a nasty old racist so we were very surprised to see a group of very smartly-dressed black evangelical Christians at his funeral. Chatting with them after the service, they said "Oh, he was a lovely man with SUCH a sense of humour! We used to visit him in hospital and he would always say 'oh God, not you agsin, go away will you?'"

[Shakey15000]

Ye Gads I have loads. I must attract weirdness at funerals is all I can say

1. Pre Grandad's funeral, we went to "see" him in the Chapel Of Rest. Everything was suitably solemn until my scatty Aunty proclaimed "Oh Mam, doesn't he look well..."

1. Accompanying my best friend in the lead hearse en route to the crem for his mother's funeral. Also in the car was his departed mum's partner. As we're nearing the crem, I notice that it's right next door to a............fireplace shop. So there's a massive fuck off sign of a grate with roaring fire. Best mate also spots this and we were convulsed with laughter. We're terrible anyway when we start giggling but this was horrendous. Partner gets (understandably) cross and tells us off prompting more hysteria. When we finally emerged from the hearse we were flushed and teary. Thankfully the rest took us to be weeping/wailing.

1. Recently, there's new crem built locally. Again, best friend and I are en route to a mutual friends funeral. Desperately sad as he was our age. The crem and it's surrounding are off set by a white fence to which I remark "looks like a cricket ground". To which pal responds with "Well, they'll have the ashes in about an hour". Same hilarity before. Thankfully deceased friend would have totally approved of the inappropriate humour.

1. I was my Aunts carer and sole living relative (on my DF's side) so when she passed it was my responsibility to organise the funeral. She was a devout catholic whereas I'm atheist so when the Father came round to discuss the funeral I asked him what the process/order of things were as I was clueless. He described the entry of the coffin into the church etc and then said "Once the coffin is in the church, the aides/helpers will play religious cymbals on top of the coffin"

Instantly an image of fervent catholics standing atop the coffin bashing some special religious cymbals together entered my head and I was again hysterical. Once I'd got myself together and asked him to repeat it was clear I'd misheard! He'd actually said "the aides/helpers will PLACE SOME RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS ON TOP OF THE COFFIN" aaaaaannnnd that made me laugh even more. Fortunately he was lovely. I did have to chew the insides of my cheeks when the helpers did, indeed, place a rosary and a cross on the coffin.

I can't help it, seriously.

[Fifthtimelucky]

My father in law died when my daughter was about 20 months old. When his coffin was brought in, I explained to her quietly that Grandpa's body was in the box. "Where's his head?" she asked loudly.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

At my great auntie's funeral a few years ago...
They held communion for those who wished to take part but as most of the mourners weren't Catholic, there was clearly a lot of wine left which, when no more people came forward to take the sacrament, the priest necked like he was having a drinking contest.
The priest paused (for us all to reflect) for so long we genuinely thought he'd fallen asleep or done a Tommy Cooper in the middle of the ceremony.
The pianist hired for the service was clearly in a hurry to be somewhere else as all the usually sombre hymns were played at breakneck speed - couldn't actually catch our breath between lines!
Priest then sped off in his little car to the cemetery - probably over the limit due to the huge quantity of wine imbibed during the service.
Various flowers were placed by the graveside - family had organised for a couple of lovely arrangements, then some others had brought their own flowers - with visible 'Reduced to Clear' stickers all over them - if you're going to take flowers, at least remove the label saying 'Was £2.99 Now 39p'!

[HulaMelody]

They dug the wrong grave for my aunt.
The family plot was at the bottom of the hill so we were all surprised to see the hearse turn within the cemetery to a completely different spot. My uncle actually jumped out of the funeral car as it was going, to sprint ahead of the hearse and tell the undertaker they'd got it wrong.
Cue lots of 'well our note says...' and my uncle shouting 'believe me I know the right plot, I buried my dad and brother there'.
We had the wake then went back to the cemetery later that day to have the proper burial.
It was the sort of thing my aunt would laugh at and to be fair if you can't hold up the traffic twice in one day for your funeral when can you.
The undertaker was mortified and so apologetic, the grave diggers looked pissed off but they probably got overtime for their error.
It was a relative known for his comedy who wandered into the (first) wake saying "they've lost the plot!!" that set us all off. My aunt loved his sense of humour.

[angelnix]

I was passing on condolences to a friend following the death of their grandmother. My DD aged 7 piped up "oh have you planted her in the ground yet?"

[Ginfernal]

My family have form on this one. For some reason my Grampy had a picture of him digging a hole on the back of his funeral service order.
Dad was buried in a cardboard uncovered coffin at his request and the attending sung along to the Proclaimers 500 miles. The elderly attending were horrified 'are they burying him in a cardboard box'

[NearlyEaster]

Very very very outing...

DH's GM died at the opposite end of the country to her home town so we arranged a funeral to take place at her family church. She was to be taken to the town funeral home for the night before the burial.

We tried to follow the hearse up but lost them en route (had to stop for many bf with baby). So when we arrived I said to my MIL, 'shall we check she's arrived safely?'

Knocked on undertakers door (Sun dinnertime - family home behind funeral parlour). Undertaker knows not of GMIL due to arrive. 😱 No-one knew where she could be.

Many phonecalls later we discover she's in a completely different town! Not at the place all other family have resided before burial.

Sunday evening - we insisted on her being moved. MIL was v.upset at her being in the wrong place. Funeral directors from town of death say this is impossible. I suggest a move in my estate car if it is impossible for them (they'd driven up in an estate after all!). Suddenly becomes more possible.

Late Sun PM - GMIL arrived at the desired chapel of rest. MIL very happy.

Next day - DS1 - just at cruising age - walked round the coffin using the handles to hold onto. 😀 GMIL had one DD, one grandson and one g.grandson so it seemed fitting and lovely for the circle of life to go on.

[Letsgoagain]

At my grandfathers funeral we played the song ‘we’ll meet again” during reflection to which my grandmother announced to everyone well hopefully not too soon

[youhavetobekidding]

My grandmother's brother died. She walked to the front of the crematorium. Put down her flowers. Realised she'd gone to the wrong town / crematorium. Walked out, leaving the flowers there. The grieving family must have wondered who she was.

[joystir59]

My sister chose 'youve got to look on the bright side of life' from Life of Brian for the final song at her funeral

[yorkshireyummymummy]

My husband was at the funeral of a friend who has died tragically of an electric shock. The widow was in a dreadful state and could be heard wailing outside the church. She was eventually persuaded to come into church so the funeral could start.
Right in front of my husband was a couple he didn’t know. Suddenly a phone stared to ring. The man frantically got the phone out of his pockets but with the pressure of where he was and with his wife hitting him whilst hissing “ turn it off, turn it off” meant he simply couldn’t press the right button ( new phone we think??). So the poor bugger simply folded himself in half trying desperately to drown out the sound of Michael Jackson singing “ can you feel it”.................