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Original poster

ridiculous topics for marital rows

572 replies

whendotheyleavehome · 02/04/2014 09:23

OK, so I caught myself getting cross at hubby when on family holiday for having fruit and fibre for breakfast as he was 'obviously' trying to engineer more 'me time' on the loo away from the kids.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one to have picked THE most ludicrous fight? Other examples please....or am I a lone witch?...

OP posts:
SmartiesMakeMeNaughty · 02/04/2014 20:56

I think I've shamed myself with this tale before. DH and watched the DVD of brutal Lars Von Trier miseryfest Dogville, which I loved and he hated.
For some reason this felt like an absolute outrage and I turned it into a stand up, red faced, spittle flying screaming match during which I burst into tears and delivered the coup de grace "if you don't understand why that was a cinematic masterpiece then you don't understand anything about me."
What an immense twat.

BC27 · 02/04/2014 20:57

DP and I had a furious, hushed row in the crypt at Canterbury Cathedral about DS. DP said 'He's acting like a child' . I replied 'He's 3. He IS a child'.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/04/2014 21:01

DH and I had a row over what would happen during a zombie apocalypse. Still can't believe what he said, fucking bastard.

TooOldForGlitter · 02/04/2014 21:19

Only on page 2 and this is brill Grin

We had an epic row last week over a bonsai tree he won't accept has died. Can't remember the finer details wine had been taken by both parties but I called him a 'fat un-educated twat' and he called me a 'smug snotty bitch' and we went to bed to sleep back to back, purposely and dramatically pulling away if any part of either of us touched the other during the night. Woke up the next day and were both a bit....whaaaat!! Grin

redrubyindigo · 02/04/2014 21:19

NoArmani

What did he say?

What did he say?

Preciousbane · 02/04/2014 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/04/2014 21:23

I said if he became a zombie I'd let him eat my brains in a final act of love and despair and we could roam the earth as zombies together.

He said if I became a zombie he'd stab me and save himself. Then he started getting all pedantic about how zombies can't feel love and the argument escalated.

Lovecat · 02/04/2014 21:23

Oh, OxfordBags, you've reminded me of The Great Musical Taste Debate... it's not quite a row, but it rumbles on.

DH maintains that I have crap taste in music, because as well as liking all the stuff that he does (metal, indie, bit of techno), I like other stuff, such as Julian Cope, Duran Duran, David Sylvian, Mercury Rev, Nick Drake etc. (

puntasticusername · 02/04/2014 21:28

Oh, fucking hell, 2008 is coming SCREAMING right back to me here.

We couldn't remember the name of a restaurant we'd visited with friends a few months before (we wanted to book it again). I emailed friend and while waiting for reply, I said "I think it was called X" and DH said "nah, it wasn't that. Ten quid says it's Cafe Rouge".

Answer comes in from friend - we were both wrong, it was actually called Y. So I turn to DH and say "Where's my tenner then?". He looks dumbfounded.

According to him, the fact that we were both wrong about the name meant that he didn't owe me money. Whereas to me, if you say "ten quid says it's Cafe Rouge", you fucking PAY UP if it's anything other than fucking Cafe Rouge.

It ended with him laughing at me, who was blue in the face and swearing a deep, dark oath never to bet on anything with that cheating bastard ever again.

Six years later, I fucking haven't either.

alseb · 02/04/2014 21:38

The purchase of the christmas tree always triggers a spat in our house. It starts when we have to drive 40 miles to buy one from a forrest, driving past perfectly acceptable garden centres selling the at half the price. Then the saga of tying it to the roof of the car, carrying it into the house, trying to get it to stand upright in a holder, broken lights, broken baubles etc etc. Every year the same for the past ten years. I've got an artificial one for this christmas....

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 02/04/2014 21:45

My whole family fell out one Christmas with my Uncle and Mum storming off from the Christmas dinner table in a massive huff. It was all over Anthea Turner. No one can actually remember why we were arguing except that it was Anthea and she ruined Christmas.

UncrushedParsley · 02/04/2014 21:50

IKEA....tis the Scandinavian Route March Which No Woman nor Man is allowed to deviate from which induces The Rage

HandbagCrazy · 02/04/2014 21:51

Ah the Christmas tree row is one of the festive traditions in this house.

Row 1 - when to put it up (I like early December but would take it down day after Boxing Day - dh rigidly pushes for 12 days before Christmas)

Row 2 - the height of the tree - we have high ceilings therefore we should have a tall tree (not according to dh)

Row 3 - the fact that it take ME all day to decorate (on my own while listening to Christmas music) - apparently it's not an all day job

Row 4 - buying baubles - (we have some, they should last forever and I am stupid/childish/wasteful for buying more)

We have settled in to a truce where we meet somewhere in middle for a time to put it up, he has somewhere to be while I'm decorating it, we have a tree shorter than I want but taller than he wants and I buy baubles and he pretends not to notice Wink
Mad but it works

BlueHairedFreak · 02/04/2014 21:55

My DHans I have an ongoing argument which stems back at least ten years because he said that if I became a vampire he would stake me. Bastard.

Also every Xmas, the argument about crackers. You cannot win a cracker. It's not a fecking competetive sport, the cracker by my plate is my crackers regardless of who gets the large piece when pulled. This year it descended into me telling MIL they are all mad.

wowfudge · 02/04/2014 21:55

Ooh - DP went ape when I unplugged a phone charger which hadn't been used (for days, he was working away and had taken another charger with him) so I could move the table it was on and hoover properly. Apparently it was my fault that next time he came to use said charger his phone wasn't charged after many hours. I said he should have checked the light was on to show the charger was working and plug sockets not in use should be switched off, etc. We still don't see eye to eye on this.

Sunbeam18 · 02/04/2014 21:58

We had a row recently about whether Chanel No 5 was an old lady perfume.

puntasticusername · 02/04/2014 21:59

Handbag "12 days before Xmas"? He does realise that the 12 days of Xmas start on Xmas Day, right?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas

Point that out to him, next time he starts huffing about your baubles Wink

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/04/2014 22:00

I agree with the DH over the cracker. The person who gets the biggest end wins the prize

trikken · 02/04/2014 22:01

Whether or not you butter and cut your bread on the chopping board or a plate. Its made worse as dh never cleans up the chopping board after making his lunch, that argument lasted a while.

Also we've argued about the best way of making an omelette, his way of folding it so you have stodgy bit in the middle or my way of cooking it one side then grilling the top so it's crispy, Spanish omelette type thing.

We've had an all night falling out as one of us fell asleep before the other one expected them to,thus ruining the whole night! Which is ridiculous.

WheresTheCoffee · 02/04/2014 22:07

Baked Beans! DH likes his runny and just warm, I like mine really well cooked so the sauce goes thick. This has been the cause of many,many rows. To the point where if we both happen to have beans at the same time we use two pans on the stove and cook our own!

Also, how to pronounce 'scone'. This was worse than the beans! Grin

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/04/2014 22:15

Gravy viscosity. Didn't speak to each other for three days.

You can stand a fucking spoon up in my gravy now & he has to water it down every time.

6 years I've been doing that now.

theluckiest · 02/04/2014 22:23

Ha Smarties! I have a similar one...

DH dragged me to see 'Casino' when it came out. I was tired, not in the mood, whatever and was bored shitless.

I made a flippant comment that it was 'pretty much the same as Goodfellas' and it escalated into an almighty dingdong. DH was adamant it was a Scorcese masterpiece and I remember not speaking to him for a very frosty hour or two following my comment, 'It's not a sodding masterpiece...it was fucking boring.'

NB. I liked 'Goodfellas'. I really did. Just hated 'Casino' for some reason.

NB. 'Casino' came out in 1995. It's still a sore point now....

stubbornstains · 02/04/2014 22:39

...the rabbits in Tellytubbies. He refused to believe that these are actually really giant rabbits (I read this in the Radio Times - everything in Tellytubbies is to scale: Tinky Winky is 6ft tall ffs) and thought I was deluded and/or winding him up.

What, do you mean that you think the rabbits in Tellytubbies really are giant rabbits?

admittedly I did just convince DS of the existence of giant black rabbits that excavate all the London Tube tunnels, so perhaps I'm not one to speak out of turn here

fourcorneredcircle · 02/04/2014 22:40

My colour blind husband and I have regular arguments about different shades of cream paint!

stubbornstains · 02/04/2014 22:41

Whether medieval peasants got more leisure time than we do today.

I was right. I googled it right there and then. He still wouldn't accept it. Bastard.