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Original poster

ridiculous topics for marital rows

572 replies

whendotheyleavehome · 02/04/2014 09:23

OK, so I caught myself getting cross at hubby when on family holiday for having fruit and fibre for breakfast as he was 'obviously' trying to engineer more 'me time' on the loo away from the kids.

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one to have picked THE most ludicrous fight? Other examples please....or am I a lone witch?...

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 02/04/2014 19:33

I absolutely love these type of threads. Some really funny stories here. I remember the last time I read a thread like this and someone told of the time when her and her DP bought a new mattress and tried to get it home by balancing it on their two push bikes. I'm hoping the MNer who owns that story comes to tell it again.

DP and I hardly ever have proper rows but the last thing that we had cross words about was our hypothetical kitchen in our hypothetical extension. We were looking round a kitchen showroom, and we have vague plans to put an extension on our house in the next few years, giving us a larger kitchen.

DP is a chef.

DP: "There's only three things I want in the new kitchen. A wine cooler, an island, and two dishwashers"

Me: "Why on earth would you want two dishwashers? That's fairly unnecessary"

DP: "I never want to see a dirty plate out on the side"

Me: "I don't even know where to start in explaining why that is such a silly idea"

The 'discussion' went on for a while, and may have involved me calling him bourgeois, wasteful, and pointing out he'd only fill them both up then fuck off to work (leaving me with two bloody dishwashers to empty). But the upshot is that he has conceded that he's wrong and we only need one dishwasher. In the fictional kitchen. In the imaginary extension.

The stupid thing is that we don't even have one dishwasher at the moment!

WitchWay · 02/04/2014 19:42

Decorating baby DS's bedroom & nearly murdering each other over the hanging of the wallpaper border - I reckon it's because I'm right-handed & he is left so we approach things from opposite directions - can be applied to all DIY type jobs we try to share.

The biggest ever was over the changing of a duvet cover Confused - can't remember how it started & I was doing it as usual in my usual way (inside-out & grab the corners then flip & shake) & he made some comment - ridiculous really Hmm

He blatantly disregarded my excellent map-reading on holiday in Iceland & got us stuck on a big road going in the wrong direction. Apologised when he realised I was right Grin

CountessOfRule · 02/04/2014 19:45

Chwaraeteg needs to check out Lumie light alarm clocks immediately.

When we were students in a house share, now-DH got so angry that I was winning at a board game (Lord of the Rings Risk) despite at the time understanding neither LOTR nor Risk, that he sent me to my room. I was gobsmacked but he was insistent, and in the end my compliance was a masterstroke - our housemates ripped him a new one in my absence Wink

enormouse · 02/04/2014 19:51

The most recent one is over potty training DS. Over what to call the potty. I said 'potty', he said calling it a potty will infantilise our 2 year old (yes really Hmm) and we shouldn't talk down to him or patronise him by calling it a potty. I asked him what we should call instead and got silence.
I got annoyed by his silent smug face and ended up ranting 'well if you don't like potty, maybe we should call it a urine receptacle, or a faecal container…or the piss bucket!'

I wanted to thump him with the bloody potty.

We've also had humdingers over what colour Tom is from Tom and Jerry and for him looking smug. Apparently his face is just that way.

enormouse · 02/04/2014 19:53

Dp looking smug, not Tom. Just to clarify Grin

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 02/04/2014 19:58

DP and I have had several humdingers.

He refused to believe "mardy" was a real word. It ended in me flouncing off down the hill and then having to wait at our front door because he had the keys Blush

During a row, he told me he wished I would stand up for myself more and let myself get angry with him, so I took him at face value and screamed at him for about ten minutes. He sat there in stunned silence and I then burst into tears. The row started because I wouldn't stop and let him take over doing the dishes.

NecklessMumster · 02/04/2014 20:01

Marking my place as this thread hilarious and I've been laughing for last 10 minutes. We row a lot cos dp has short fuse and hates discussing anything...wants everything agreed instantly. We always row when putting the tent up.I dont put any of the pegs in now as I know from experience that the one I put in will be the one that's in the wrong place and ruining the whole pitch he'd never even been camping before he met me

redrubyindigo · 02/04/2014 20:01

The argument about 'what would a tortoise look like if he fell out of his shell?"

We had a dear friends also head to head on that row........massive fall out.

Never found out who won that one?

Any ideas? Hmm

Merefin · 02/04/2014 20:05

Putting the clean duvet cover on the duvet late at night. He wont put it in the corners or shake it even or anything. On this occasion (post natal, sleep deprived etc) he stuffed it in, refused to make it flat and comfy, got under it and immediately fell into a snory sweaty sleep before I'd even done up the poppers on my side.

I was raging, pouring snot, breastmilk, tears, the works.

hotcrosshunny · 02/04/2014 20:06

redruby dead?

hotcrosshunny · 02/04/2014 20:10

I get cross when DH tries to make a new meal without warning. As a surprise. No I don't want fancy pasta because I'm tired and want familiarity Hmm he obviously gets annoyed because he's making an effort. Yet he knows that I don't like change when I'm tired and hungry and he still does it.... I am ungrateful I know

There are more but I cannot remember!

redrubyindigo · 02/04/2014 20:10

Hotcross

Aaargh!! NO! I just mean generally. What does a tortoise look like without a shell? Dead would be withered and NOT what he would look like alive and WITHOUT a shell!

I will accept within a minute of dying.

Grin

Love ya a tiny bit for that post Wink

hotcrosshunny · 02/04/2014 20:12
Grin

I would say it would look red raw cos it is attached to the shell not helping

HauntedNoddyCar · 02/04/2014 20:12

The precise location of the first sign for our junction on the M25. DH wouldn't believe the first sign he saw was the second I'd seen.

In our defence we were on our way home from Ikea, sleep deprived with baby dd. It escalated into screaming, swearing, me packing the car to leave and DH giving himself a rib injury and a slight coedine problem.

I was right though.

AlpacaPicnic · 02/04/2014 20:13

Whether or not a certain type of breaded chicken product was on offer or not. I flounced.

Where the checkin desk lady told us to put our suitcases when the luggage belt was broken. He shouted. I cried.

I want to know more about the big penguin/small penguin row!

RufusTheReindeer · 02/04/2014 20:13

The only real argument we have ever had was about whether we would send dc to boarding school, I was yes if they wanted to go and he was never, ever, ever!!!

At the time we didn't have any children, we had no money and I had no intention of being parted from my imaginary babies

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 02/04/2014 20:14

Oh, we also had an epic row outside Tesco because he answered his phone and talked while we were waiting for a taxi for about ten minutes.

I asked him to get off the phone 'cause the taxi was here and I needed his help to load it with shopping, we got home and he goes "how dare you tell me what to do" and I told him I hadn't, I'd asked him to do something, and then he wouldn't speak to me for two hours before realising he'd momentually fucked up and apologising for about twenty minutes before I made him go out and buy me ice-cream at 11pm for being a twat.

UncrushedParsley · 02/04/2014 20:14

XH and I once rowed about who would have custody of the child we didn't have, if we got the divorce that we weren't planning. Then anyhoo. The divorce came later...

Chwaraeteg · 02/04/2014 20:15

Thanks countless of rule, you may just have saved me and the do from sleeping in different rooms :-)

Eleanora · 02/04/2014 20:16

There was the time when DS2 was a few months old where he did the most enormous projectile milk vomit all over me, himself, the floor, the wall. I shouted for DH to come quickly. The response? 'But I haven't done up my cufflinks'...

DameFanny · 02/04/2014 20:20

Um, ikea deliver now, just in case that might save any marriages?

WhoDaresWins · 02/04/2014 20:25

Chris Evans did a phone in on this yesterday. I nearly drove off the road laughing at a couple who had been happily married eleven years with only one row - about casinos being on Indian reservations Grin

motherinferior · 02/04/2014 20:36

Mr Inferior and I have rowed about many of these, especially his bizarre pronunciation of words, his views on health and diet (he cites his A level in zoology some time around 1984 as proof of his expertise - I have been a health journalist for over a decade now but that doesn't count) but I think our most pointless row ever was about...

...the rabbits in Tellytubbies. He refused to believe that these are actually really giant rabbits (I read this in the Radio Times - everything in Tellytubbies is to scale: Tinky Winky is 6ft tall ffs) and thought I was deluded and/or winding him up.

It still gives me the rage.

UncrushedParsley · 02/04/2014 20:38

The late comedian Marti Caine once rowed with her husband about the dog they didn't have pooing on the lawn they didn't have either...made my row upthread seem more normal somehow...

joanofarchitrave · 02/04/2014 20:42

My husband and I had a stupendous row when attempting to re-enter the country about who was going to hold whose passports. He maintained it was simpler and faster if he held them both. I informed him at top volume that this was tantamount to rewinding the whole history of female emancipation and that I wasn't a fucking appendage to him.

We were returning from our honeymoon Blush