Explain Children's TV Shows to me.

[TiggyD]

I work in childcare and need to keep up to date with children's TV shows so I know what the kids are on about. Please could you explain a show each in just one sentence. And please could somebody do Ben 10?!

eg,
Teletubbies:
4 coloured blobs with various antenae prance about life eating toast and custard aided by a possessed hoover.

I can cook - the most annoying, vapid tv presenter (Katie)* getting uninterested children to prepare food by pretending to be parrots and other random crap, then singing tunelessly to recap how they did it......

• I do know that she is an actress so is probably lovely in real life!

Me Too - various children and a dog are dumped on an early middle aged transvestite whilst their parents screw up in their jobs. There is singing.

Numtums. A number from 1 to 10 is chosen each day. There is singing with limited lyrics.

Waybuloo - children whose voices don't match their mouths do yoga on astroturf whilst interacting with floaty fuckers.

Grandpa In My Pocket - a set of teeth maraud round Aldeburgh whilst James Bolam thinks of the money.

Mr Maker

a bloke who wears an incorrectly buttoned up jacket who fucks about with googly eyes and a whole rack of doodle drawers

i doubt he could make a cup of tea tbh

Charlie and Lola - older brother looks after younger sister who has clearly bludgeoned their parents to death. He must think happy thoughts or she will be angered.

Peppa Pig - an extremely bossy/annoying badly-drawn pig goes through life losing her teddy bear with alarming frequency, accompanied by various alliterately-named cohorts, a dinosaur-fixated little brother, and incompetent parents.

Rabbits are the equivalent of immigrant labour in Peppa Pig's world.

If your charges ever say anything bossy, they probably saw it on Peppa Pig.

Mike the Knight - obnoxious, spoiled little twerp ruins everyone else's game by taking over and generally being an irritating tit.

The Hoobs: five creatures made from face flannels observe human behaviour.

Everything's Rosie

but it isn't as the fucking rabbit cries again and all the rest of the cast run rings trying to make him feel better under the guise of a moral tale

hooble-dooble-doo-oo!!

pseudobadger - amazing. You've just solved the riddle of charlie & Lola for me, I always knew there was something dodgy going on there... (I thought it was parental substance abuse and child neglect but your answer makes much more sense)

Deadly 60: seriously fit presenter captures maternal audience who justify it because it's educational.

Horrible Histories: ditto with a wider selection of fit men, plus some women for those who refer that sex.

Raa Raa the Noisy Lion: like Xanax for 18 month olds.

:o

Lets Play.

Mr Benn remix with two hottie presenters who "really really really really hope that it's me".

Sausage, Katie is the one presenter I think is doing it just to be on TV, rather than having an actual interest in children.

I'll also add Baby Jake - there's no point trying to figure out what it is about; what it is about is giving you screaming nightmares.

Almost Naked Animals: fucking annoying cartoon on CITV that DS1 is banned from watching

postman pat

tales of the trials and tribulations of the most incompetent postal service known to humanity

only 5 customers a day* (average) and he STILL manages to fuck it up

In the night garden: a possible dream of Igglepiggle, where random characters do nothing of any consequence and speak gibberish. Slightly soporific.

That summary of Me Too! is spot on

Timmy Time. Baaaa baaa baa? Hoot hooooot hoot hoot. Yip yap.